Tuesday, February 28, 2006
hello everybody =) just wanna share a quick lil story which my chinese teacher told us today durin one of the rare moments when i was awake. haha. it was expressed in chinese la so some parts ive edited on my own, but the essence remains the same.. so here goes..
There once was a painter who was going to paint the chronological life of Jesus on the walls of a cathedral. Starting with the birth of our Saviour, he went about in search of inspiration as to how he should paint the image of the Baby Jesus. He went from town to town searching for an inspiring baby, until he finally found a mother with her baby. The child had a pure, innocent, holy and sanctified look, and the painter immediately knew that this was what Jesus had to look like at His birth. Hence, the painter took a good look at the child before returning to the cathedral and painting the nativity scene. Everyone who saw this first painting were in awe of how the inner peace and tranquility and sinlessness of Jesus was captured in the painting of the baby.
Several years went by, and the painter was nearing the end of his paintings. He had reached the final scene of Jesus' life - His crucifixtion. At the point where he wanted to paint the image of the most cruel guard who completely destroyed and humiliated Jesus, the painter once again sought inspiration. He was looking for someone who looked evil, notorious, unfaithful and who indulges feverently in acts of sin. Thus, he set out again from town to town, heading to all the dungeons and prisons, looking for the one face that would epitomise sin, but to no avail, for no one looked bad enough for the inspiration. Just as he was about to give up, he saw a man stumbling across the road in a drunken state, his face scarred with the look of sin. Immediately the painter knew that this was the man he was looking for, and offering some money, he coaxed the man to follow him to the cathedral.
Upon entering the cathedral, the painter told the man to pose next to the scene of Jesus' death, so that he could paint his sinful face as that of the guard's. At that moment, the man suddenly broke down into tears, crying his heart out. He had seen the painting of the birth of Jesus, and in between sobs, said "my mother once told me that when i was little, a painter used me as inspiration for the image of the baby Jesus. now look at what i've become?" Indeed, the man who once was the image of the Baby Jesus was now corrupted into the image of sin.
kinda nice hurr? no fun typin out tho.. haha. anyway, i think can give a bit of sharing on this. Unlike Jesus, we arent born perfect.. we are born with original sin. but thru our baptism, we are cleansed of our sinfulness and invited to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. it is thru our baptism and our growin in faith and love that we are reminded that each and every one of us is made for perfection. just like the little baby, each of us are created by God the Father to reflect the image of Jesus. Always bear in mind that Adam and Eve were not made to sin.. they were made to enjoy eternity in the serenity of God's special sanctuary, with a strong and intimate relationship with Him. But they sinned and so these ideals were not fulfilled, but Jesus was sent by God to REMIND us what God has planned for us. This whole call to holiness thing. and we should not think that such a situation is restricted solely for Adam or Jesus, because as mentioned junnow, we are made in the perfect image of Jesus, and all we have to do is maintain purity in our lives. (easier said than done)
then of cos the story goes on to show how sin disfigures this image in us. it is good to note that it is not sin which destroys this image, but rather it is us who destroy Christ by turning into the evil guard. sin is only the medium for change, sin is not the change. we become sinful, but we do not become sin. and this is why we can repent, because love is also the medium for change, except that this change is for us to revert from our sinful image back into the perfect image of God. haha a bit cheem la.. but basically the idea is that while many of us have succumbed at different levels to the attraction of sin, it is NEVER too late to say 'im sorry', and reunite and reestablish our relationship with Christ, to what it was meant to be.
anw one common word ive used bountiful times is 'image'.. and mebbe all those who so free every nite come online and zuo bo can reflect on these few questions.
- what does it mean to say that we are created 'in the image of God'
- if it is a physical image, then does this mean that ppl who are deformed, or of different race or ethnic group, are not made in the image of God? if not, then what exactly is the meanin of 'image'?
haha very interesting rite? post comments then! =) or continue sharing.. ive been very touched by what many ppl hv shared.. (: that's it for now. God Bless!
-justin
well. i just realised its the end of the month and i havent designed anything. sorry. i have kinda been busy with school life and all. honestly i can't think of anything to represent us... so yea.
ok just a short sharing of some sort.
i felt guilty yesterday. it was the first time in... months i haven't gone to church on a weekday. i didn't expect myself to feelt hat guilty. cause i was out with my class and i could actually go back for mass but i chose not to. guilty guilty. i just had to get that of my chest. it's like... i rejected God invitiation.
What i find very amazing is the strange conversations i have to school. my friend was asking me what is life. haha yes! the big big question. What is life. is it based on some thinking created by humans? is it spiritual? psychological? it was some essay question my friends brother in acs was doing. how profound. anyways, nobody could give much of an answer. It made me feel very lucky that i believed in God and that i live for god. it was also quite an eye opener to how directionless pple are. sad singaporean students. it just seems like all we do is study. for a non believer i guess thats all there is to life till we go and work. for some reason im quite affected by this friend i have, just seeing how well.. directionless this person is just reminds me of last time.
The other day i had this friend who suddenly said. What is the point in life? What is after death? i could only say so much. my knowledge felt so limited really. i don't even know if pple who don't go to heaven go to hell or do they just rot in purgatory. Despite the realization that i only know so much about my faith, i don't really feel compelled to go and find out. i feel quite sian actually. maybe the result of school. so yea. its a blessing really. i never had to answer this sorta questions in IJ.
that's all from me.i would have elaborated or something but im too tired to think. I don't really know whats the point in sharing this but i just thought it was interesting. ok. have a nice week pple! God bless.
-jes
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Lousy Week
Firstly, thanks Anne and Denise for the session today. Revitalised me and also made me come and blog here tonight. Thanks joan for putting the transparencys lol. Ok I deleted my blog already. It has been a shitty week because of many things that happened. First is something very personal that has been affecting me since before Chinese New Year. I decided I needed to post it here so everyone will be wary of what could happen and not end up like me. Basically I can say I was very close to this.. girl in class from the start of lessons. Around a month it went and feelings developed, but unfortunately, on my side only. Perhaps I got the wrong idea or stuff but I did not intend to say anything. I ended up being forced out of me by her questions and things turned sour. We agreed to be good friends again but for me, it was just a matter of putting up an act in school. Around 3 weeks have past and I am totally tired of it. Given up hope of anything that could happen. Move on, but nothing will ever be the same again. Both of us will be good frens again, but not after months of healing of wounds. I realised a lot of things in this short 2 months in jc, and it totally engulfs me and leaves me in disbelief of my life. There were much more happenings in between that made things really worse. And school is a torture for me now.
Second was how i was so disappointed because softball deprived me of anything else I want to do. Dance, street dance, floorball, society and clubs. Something I could not do. A dilema I was in because softball was something I played for 4 years and I still have that passion for the sport. Although not a lot of passion but yea, it was still there. My good friends who sweat and toil with me were still there. I wasn't going to leave the cca. Only things were it was time consuming and if I could not break into the team this year, I'll be wasting my time training for more than a year to play 5 matches which is the season. Totally sucks really. But i just gotta accept it.
Third to cap it off. Had drama feste on friday night. My house won best play and many other awards, was really happy and was with friends eating supper. Then my sis in a sleepy voice called me. My sis and grandma sleep in the same room so I know it was my grandma who got her to call me. Then a while later my mum called me. Nag nag, and I really lost it. I just went YA LA OK OK. Then BYE. The point being I really don't like it when parents nag although right after that I feel guilty about it. But this wasn't the first time I stayed out so late and I always make it back home safely. They have to worry so much. I know its parents and they worry and blah even my grandma too. But it gets on my nerves, I felt that it was more of trust and confidence that was seriously lacking. I got home and immediately my grandma got out of her room. I couldn't control it anymore. I just said go and sleep! She kept asking me bout stuff then i screamed, "I am 17 already, im not that stupid as to not being able to reach home after 12!" It sucks, she could still laugh. I just didn't want her to lose her sleep over such stupid things. She told me she couldn't sleep from 11 onwards and I reached home at 1230. I have a feeling the next time that happens, I'm gonna blow my top off.
So that night I sat down in front of my com, talked to my other classmate in class who was good frens with the girl I liked. She told me plainly, to give up, no chance anymore. I know it already anyway but I cried real hard that night, all 3 things combined and I really felt God has abandoned me. I felt life was so so unfair to me. I hated myself for who i am. I hated the little confidence my family shows to me. I hated life.
Then saturday at St Anne's, before and after cathecism class which i was helping out, i went to ado room there and prayed. Filled with inner peace but without answer. Came to mass and was really really touched by the lost sheep parable and the mention of agape love. And then it was the session. Thanks a lot a lot Anne, you brought me back really. I was on the verge of really abandoning myself already. I was the lost sheep and thank God for bringing me back. Praise the Lord!
mark
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
i had a bad week. or actually i cant say bad, because i can be sure i havent been so down in my life before. im tired of everything happening so fast but theres just no time to stop and take a break. im tired of my jc life and somehow more than ever ive been wishing for a retreat of some sort like the end years one to come suddenly. i dont know..everything seems to suck at the same time. my class apparantly noted it best because theyve been telling me theyve never seen such a drastic change in anyone before. im always told to keep praying, and just to know that if im in such a low point of my life, id probably had hit rock bottom so things cant possibly get worse. then again at such hell im going through, its interesting to see how God sends me to people all the more.
He spoke to me today in the most unexpected way through my cross country. i didnt finish top20 like how i hoped for before but somehow i barely took notice of that in the end. i was running and my feet suddenly started to hurt in a way ive never felt since my operation. yeah i know im stupid for not declaring that i have all these health problems at all. so, i couldnt blame anyone when my hyperventilation attack hit me twice during the run either. basically, i was dying. and i heard someone speaking to me i dont know how but i just did it said smthng like 'that's barely the pain He recieved' and while running through macritchie at that same moment i saw an image of Jesus on the way to calvary. then i saw a Jew being tortured by nazis. im not saying i wasnt freaked. i just didnt expect these things.
somehow i understand things better now. the cross country in itself was a physical cross for me. im so caught up in the thought that crosses come in illnesses and depressions and emos but i never thought of how all this hell i go through by running is actually me sharing in the physical pains of everyone all over the world. it'd just make me finally understand how much pain they are in.
im not saying my life is exactly back on track yet. right after the run i started freaking out because i couldnt get transport back to church and when i finally did, well some things just got worse. but i'll come out of this phrase im stuck in for the moment. i cant possibly be stuck like this state for the rest of my life. God will help me out. just in His own time. my life isnt going in its best state now, but in what im going through Jesus spoke to me in a way that struck me harder than any of the other times He did.
thank God for this blog.
its amazes me at how much i feel Him speaking to LOG through this blog.
anne.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
virgin post
im finally here. i finally remember the username and password and all. i dont come here as often as i should but im here now and that's what matters.
time to share i guess. this has been a long drawn struggle of mine, and im not even sure myself what its really about. you know that high feeling after camp or a p&w session? i love that high feeling, of praising my great god. and then after a while it disappears. and you resume the normal routine of your life. and then, suddenly you're too busy for god.
but the good thing is, you realise it. you're sorry, repentant, unworthy. you really want to go back closer to god, and hold him before anything in your heart. centre jesus in your heart, remember? haha. everywhere i see these words W.W.J.D. and i always ask my friends what it stands for. apparently its " What Would Jesus Do ? ". the first time i found out it hit me pretty hard and i asked myself what the hell i was doing.
okay but back to my point. after you go back to god, you feel the joy of having this unique, special relationship with him. you actually make time for him! and then and then. He disappears again ): and then you go and find him again. and again he disappears ):
i hate having this here.not here.here.not here relationship with god it drives me crazy. i mean, there are times where i can still sit down in adoration and pray and offer up everything good and bad in my life. i love that. but why cant i maintain it? why cant i have a constant good relationship with god?
i dont know what to think. anybody has any pennies for my thoughts? am i thinking right, or am i being too selfish? i dont know i trouble myself ):
anyway im sorry im never around these days. im awfully busy. which gives me fatigue and stress. havent had the time to talk to do my work or even talk to people. one more week okay? (:
god loves joel
joel loves you all
thus god loves you all too
hellos.well. spiritual prep wasn't spectacular, but it was enough, like a good shake ( those sort of violent shakes to wake you up)
anyways, clarice said i should blog about us being like christmas trees which was just an image that came to mind during the spiritual prep. you know... christmas trees with a gazillion gifts under them. those gifts which are just waiting for small little kids to come open them ( i have a very cartoon image here. the result of watching one too many.)
anyways, of course the christmas tree must realize it has those pretty wrapped boxes below it right. we just have to realize what the box contains right? could be a jack in the box, a pillow, sunglasses, a radio etc.. uh yea.
besides that gifts part, christmas trees are also rather pretty, LIGHTS and all. we're all decorated, with different ornaments and different types of lights and different kinda stars(or angels) on the top but basically we all just 'spread the christmas spirit' heh. maybe this is just bad timing since christmas is over but i just thought it made sense to think of it this way. the point of it though is just like a reminder. yep. we are
Saturday, February 18, 2006
AHH!! thank GOD for spiritual prep tonight! i think that was what i really needed. PRAISE GOD! haha.. these few days have been constantly troubled by stuff. and things didnt seem to be getting any better.. but i feel much better! and denise is right! OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD! and AMAZING! and EVERYTHING ELSE! =x haha.. that's all i have to say! =)
joan-/
Thursday, February 16, 2006
hello...ok i shall share my experiences over these two days.
well. yesterday. i made an extremely hurried decision at like what. 7.15 - 7.17am in the morning before i went to school. hwa chong institution. and after that i couldn't stop thinking about it. what it would be like...WHY on earth did i do that. and whether i should change my mind before application closed. but OKAY. the MAIN reason that's pushing me to not change my mind and to choose hwa chong was because...ok weighing the pros and cons seriously did not work. both had like just as many good points and bad points and my mind was split in two and so was my heart. i was in a mess and i was dying trying to come to a conclusion. i was praying so hard...asking God to send me a sign...an answer...ANYTHING..i was desperate really.
so early next morning..i woke up and i remember the thought of choosing schools came into my mind...and i could feel this dread filling me...because i was like hoping for like some DREAM or ANYTHING! to help me decide..but nothing. then i don't know why but this sudden thought came into my mind it was like HWA CHONG. and after that and like now when i think about it i don't know where it came from seriously. so...i don't know if it was from God but i hope so.
and also like that day...my friend said if you're meant to go to hwa chong..it'll rain..and i remember saying...we shouldn't put GOd to the test because i've been doing that SO OFTEN recently..and i realised that it's wrong. but anyhow. IT RAINED. and i don't know why but to me..that was like a sign like GOd was telling me isn't this obvious enough and also like how could you doubt me.
well, it could just be my mind playing tricks on me but that's how i viewed everything.
so that's why. that's why. hwa chong.and i'm not proud of it. really i'm not.
ok. so i was feeling pretty like messed up inside when i came back from school. because it was a pretty depressing day with my whole class disintegrating before my eyes..and this classmate of mine had to go to RJ because of parents...and i could see how upset she was. and i could see how sweet my classmates were as in like they were so supportive and they're such a fun bunch la really they are. so YEAH. it was pretty depressing.
so yes. ok i was actually thinking of going to sleep immediately when i came home. but i like felt like going online. so i went online. i talked to that rj classmate of mine and i thought it was pretty amazing. i mean because i once heard that someone tried to bring her to church before but in the end she didn't. so i wasn't sure if she would be comfortable talking about God and stuff...but i just tried my luck..i was like if God wanted me to go to VJ i'll be in VJ. and she said...yes He will take care of us. and like it's all in God's hands. and i was really happy to hear all that. as in it's like both consolation and awe inside of me. and i was really happy after that because i had a conversation about church and stuff like that and i thought i was really cool and uplifting. and i felt really happy after that. (: praise God!
so yes. ok then
TODAY.
i was alright in school. actually i was really happy. i mean it was SO FUN. we had our normal fun in the treehouse and our like people would come and talk to me once in awhile..like why are you going? and i can feel my heartstrings being tugged at. they were really sweet.and i had a great day la i really did.
of course in such situations the better the day...the worse i'll feel. because i will miss a lot of them LOADS. like A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT. and so yea when i went to church i was actually alright. then i don't know why but i came out from the ado room feeling a bit pissed. as in irritable. when i was inside i was alright. but when i came out i was like that. and during mass too. and then when i saw jes and saw that she was in the same situation too. i kinda couldn't take it...i felt like crying. it's like i'm so sick of all these decision making all these thinking and brain wrecking just to make a stupid tiny decision. and i was frustrated and confused la.
but on my bus ride home. i was like practically dying with all the confusion in my mind...but i thought. if this is GOd wants for me...i shouldn't even be considering all these human attachments that i want to hold on to..or all these considerations of the human brain...it's all so pointless. and i decided if this is what God has led me to...i really should just let it be. because that was what i really wanted to do. just to do what God wants for me. and i guess i've found peace. peace in my decision because this is what God wanted for me and it's all that matters.
on the train home i was thinking about how a few days ago. just a mere few days ago. i was like so super happy with my results right..and yes i'm still happy but of course the exhiliration has worn off...but yes..then i was thinking how that happy person could be sitting there..feeling so confused and lost and what happened? i mean something that was meant to bring me happiness eventually led me to confusion and frustration...and i realised. that what we want for ourselves really isn't the best for us. i mean it's one thing to know that His thoughts are not our thoughts..but it's another to realise based on personal experience..because perhaps if i had gotten like a less good score i would be breezing through my decisions...BUT. i really do praise GOd for my results and also all these trials that He brings..because they REALLY only make me stronger.
SO YES. my decisions my multiple multiple confusions have brought me closer to God. and i think my trust and faith was really tested. i mean. the only way to get on with life is to just leave it in His hands. and just BELIEVE. because i truly believe this is what He led me to.
SO close i believe
you're holding me now
in your hands i belong
you'll never let me go
(: praise God.
clarice
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on
a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly
for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned
the horizon for help, but none seemed
forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed
to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect
him from the elements, and to store his few
possessions.
But then one day, after scavenging for food, he
arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the
smoke rolling up to the sky.
The worst had happened; everything was lost. He
was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how
could you do this to me!" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by
the sound of a ship that was approaching the island.
It had come to rescue him.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary
man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
It is easy to get discouraged when things are
going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because
God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of
pain and suffering.
Remember, next time your little hut is
burning to the ground - when you feel you can no longer control the burdens and pain your cross brings to you---it just may be a
smoke signal that summons the grace of God.
For all the negative things we have to say to
ourselves, God has a positive answer for it :
You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 13:34)
You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians
12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)
You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)
You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I'm exhuasted."
God says: Come to me all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)
You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews13:5)
God is with us all through our lives, no matter what lows we may be going through.
cast your burdens to Him, and you shall find peace within.
peace be with ya'll, ppl.
anne.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
hellos! i havent been posting for quite some time now =x anw.. i was planning session halfway when i came across this reflection and i thought it's quite err... useful? =x haha.. so here it is...
Reflection:
Are you tired? Burnt out?
This might be a sign that your priorities are wrong. If you're worn out from ministering to others, perhaps you're not giving yourself enough time to be ministered TO. We cannot give to others what we have not received. Our top priority is our relationship with God, from which we receive everything else we need. This includes letting him nurture us, resting in his love.
In today's Gospel reading, Jesus needs this kind of rest. He's been busy ministering -- healing and preaching -- and he has dealt with some very difficult and disapproving Pharisees. Now he enters the home of an unnamed friend, and he hopes no one will find out that he's here, at least not until he's finished recuperating.
We all know what that's like! Just when we can't handle one more person demanding one more ounce of energy from us, and we've settled into the couch to relax, the phone rings and someone else needs our attention.
Jesus had only started to rest when someone came knocking. When she asks for help, we can hear grouchiness in this scripture: He was grumpy because he was tired. Does this surprise you? Remember, Jesus was human like us in every way except sin. But despite his grouchiness, he did not sin, because he still cared. The woman's needs were AS important as his own -- not less, not more important, but the same AS. So instead of selfishly turning the woman away, and without ignoring his own needs, he gave her what she needed and then immediately sent her out the door.
Our grouchiness becomes a sin when we use our bad mood to push others away. Oh how hard it is to remain loving when we're feeling tired! But guess what? When we make sure our own needs are taken care of and we keep our priorities right, we don't get so worn out. Then it's much easier to remain loving.
Have you ever heard the saying that J-O-Y means "Jesus-Others-You" as a priority list? It's a guarantee of burn-out. In truth, we experience joy when we stay closely connected to Jesus and let no one come between him and us. We need times of solitude with him. We need times of nurturing ourselves in his presence. We must continually fill up on his love so that we have enough love to pour into others without becoming drained.
Are you worn out from giving yourself to others? Take time to balance the equation. Your needs are as important as their needs. Give yourself time to receive what you need so that you will once again have an abundance to give to others joyfully!
by Terry A. Modica
-joan
Friday, February 10, 2006
Paths
Hey all.. Regardless of what we got for O's, regardless of what we were expecting, lets not forget that God is always with us. This is part of God's plan for us and its something we might not be able to understand until we come to see the end of it. Keep faith in God and one day we will get our reward. I used to ask God why He does not tell me what will happen in the future, then I realised if I knew what was gonna happen, I would assume too much and slacken off or even end up changing what will eventually happen. It would be against the will of God. However, what we know now is that God's will is definately beneficial for us. Praise the Lord for whatever scores we got!
Btw, I got C5 for Higher chinese..
Mark
Thursday, February 09, 2006
hey yall.
"dont worry about anything, but in all your prayers, ask God for what you need, always asking Him with a thankful heart. And God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in the union of Christ Jesus."
Philppians 4:6-7
"I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. then you will call to me. you will come and pray to me, and i will answer. you will seek me, and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13
while none of us have a clue about how we'd score until tommorow, we can already be sure and thankful to God that whatever we score, it is done according to His will, and whether how good or bad we do, He will be there for us. God already has a plan for us.
i know what to thank God for already. the journey i have taken the past 2 years of my secondary school life. the results just show on a piece of paper, but in the course of the 2 years i've passed so many examinations and trials of trusting in God when i fall into spiritual and physical lows and knowing that He has sent me so many people to journey with.
so praise God.
and all the best, ppl.
anne.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
HEY ALL!
yes o's results are coming. ): or (: you decide.
so anyway. shall we all, no matter what plans we have, go for mass to praise and thank god for our GOOD results he's given us?
yupp. anyway. dont worry about tommorow( or friday) for tommorow will worry about itself. (:
love kris.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Hey...woah i agree this blog is so beautiful! Not because of the template (grins) but because of the many wonderful posts this blog has...
I haven't blogged here for a long long time...so here it goes
I want to share!
I was blogging this halfway on my blog when i realised that it might serve with a better purpose here...(this blog is so popular that i've not heard the blog song for a few weeks now...heh)
I've been feeling spiritually high these few days..well not really like that but i do feel so holy ahah (looks at halo hovering above head) i feel that i'm really so much closer to God. Thats like a big difference since retreat last yr dec... and i'm glad...must be all those daily masses...i really do see the significance in mass now and the Eucharist...its wonderful and it brings me back everyday... i like the adoration room...haha...its so holy...u should go...yes you...Just spend a few minutes of your 24 hrs there in the ado and pray to God...While praying there..God has answered my prayers more than once...and best of all, immediately when i step out of the ado...woooh!
However, since i've grown much closer to God i've been having a problem... like last month while praying in church I accidently called God Daddy...(is that weird?) twice. And since then i've been thinking alot about it...whether it was alright to call him daddy or not. I was afraid that 'Daddy' was too informal a word and that i should show more respect to God and just call him God...but i had a strong urge to call him 'daddy' for some reason..i asked a few people about it and whether it was wrong to do so...that got me thinking...i guess i felt that perhaps it was because i was so happy that i had once again been drawn back to him and even much more closer after drifting so far away last year and just wanted to make known to God how happy i felt about the closeness that i now felt...then i realised (which was just recently..took me so long) God knows me so so so well...that i am certain he already knows how i feel about it and that there was no need to call him daddy for he knew what i really meant in my heart...so there..even though i found out that i could call him daddy...i wouldn't because hes also more that just a daddy to me...hes so much more to me that i cannot describe him in mere words...So i still stick to calling him God...haha yes
(i wonder if you all understood that..)
i found this book called 'Interceding with Jesus by mother Nadine' Its really nice...it teaches you how to pray!... all this time for so so long i've asked God ' Lord, teach me to pray' because i was really afraid to do it out loud for i was so afraid i might say something stupid ..yes..don't laugh..so well God's finally answered my prayers and showed me this book...my mom was the one who passed it to me...its quite thin (thank you) and $14.90...so expensive..so lucky i did not have to pay for it for if i saw it in a bookstore i wouldn't buy it...wallet pain.. so...
Praise God!!
not just for the book but for all he has done inmy life our lives....
I'll lend the book to you if ask! :) after i finsh reading it that is...hehe
Nise.
shall change blog song to...
Hillsongs-Home
Into Your courts I run
With praises flowing from my heart
Everyday I wake and sing
Your songIt's the anthem of my life
I want to spend my days in Your presence, Lord
And bow before Your throne
In the house of God is where I found my peaceI
t's where I found my
Home is heaven
One day Lord I will live
In Your courts you'll find me
And I'll worship at Your feet
Hide me nowIn the shadow of Your wings
Where I will be
Where I will be
Your love is all I need, so desperately
I have sought Your face
I know You hear my every cry
The petition that I bring
I want to spend my days in Your presence, Lord
And bow before Your throne
In the house of God is where I found my peace
It's where I found my
Home is heaven
One day Lord I will live
In Your courts you'll find me
And I'll worship at Your feet
Hide me nowIn the shadow of Your wings
Where I will be
Where I will be
Jesus, oh You are my treasure
I want to spend my days in Your presence, Lord
And bow before Your throne
In the house of God is where I found my peace
It's where I found my
Home is heaven
One day Lord I will live
In Your courts you'll find me
And I'll worship at Your feet
Hide me nowIn the shadow of Your wings
Where I will be
Where I will be
Home.
hey guys.
taking results soon yes...nervous or indifferent?
well. everytime we get freaked out is when we forget that it's all in God's hands isn't it. i mean i'm starting to get scared too. but when you think about. it's already flown into Singapore. it's probably on its way to our schools. that piece of paper and we wonder what are the stupid numbers that are gonna be on that piece of paper.
well. we might not be happy with whatever. but i find consolation in that our thoughts arent always His thoughts. and perhaps that's the way God wants it for us. and whatever it is no matter how bad. it's for the better? sounds ironical. but it's the truth what.
all the best to you all! (:
God bless.
rice
Sunday, February 05, 2006
hi guys(:
well all i want to say now is. it took people like you all to transform someone like me to let you all know how wonderful a community you all have been!
i thank God for log. one huge big blessing dropped right in front of me last year. (:
Praise God!!
everything i want to say. really.
clarice
hallo yall.
well first thing..i wanna affirm all those who did spiritual prep today for such a great session. thanks for letting yourselves be so open to God to allow him to use you as instruments for spreading his love and presence.
praise God!
anyway..2 things i wanna share on.
first thing's that these few days have been really great for me in cj. life there is great, espicially the catholic culture. and all the more that would make me really worried that i cant go back after JAE. ive really lost time worrying abt my results as well as the results of so many of my friends to have fun during my holidays or even to thank God for actually letting me survive the os.
thanks loads to the christmas preps during the hols, i was able to not think abt the results but recently ive been really uptight about it. and thats when i just realised awhile ago that God understands the hell what i as well as probably the rest of the student population feel like. and whatever i score, its been done so that id be led in whatever path he wants to lead me in my future. maybe the worst happens and i cant get into cj after JAE. but even though i might not be able to accept it in this point of time in my life, i'd find an answer why later on in life.
second is about the rock for good concert i went on sats at rgs with oliver, soo, h and brandon. im not the kind of person who enjoys going for gigs so i didnt really enjoy it cos it was tiring standing for 5 hours listening to deafening noise.
well, but during that 5 hours where i saw some ppl go so fanatical over the performers i found myself relating their enthusiasm level to the enthusiasm level when we recive Christ, whether at sacraments or celebrating chrstms or easter.
well im not implying that we should all raving mad when we recieve Christ at communion but im just wondering if the joy we feel when we experience Christ is just as much as the joy of those when they were able to just reach out to their fave performers. i mean, those performers give us great songs to listen and relate to, and yeah sometimes theyre really good at the songs they perform and are really gorg and stuff, but then again Christ died to save us.
the comparisons of the joys we recieve. that's quite cool.
yeah.
anne.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
hello log. (: kris here. i miss you guys! ):
im really sorry i havent really been around. i do feel horrible. but i guess i really cant find time. its like. everythings so busy and there're all these deadlines to meet. doesnt help i cant finish my homework ): yes. so firstly.. IM SORRY! i do feel like im neglecting log. so sorry sorry and sorry. i'll try and manage my time better. i really miss you all! ):
secondly. nice to see so many posts on the log blog. and i figured i wont updatemy blog instead i shall post here! more ppl prob come here anw. yes well lately in school i've been doing the dance thingy for life con. and i guess with next week as the deadline for a 6min plus dance. im really quite anxious. i mean. ppl usually take months! so i guess im really scared and everything. then with the sdyr exco shit and everything, i dont know i cant really find time to meet all these deadlines and find ppl to do the stuff. and then i start thinking whether or not im really doing it for god. i mean, its ironnic how its all christian related stuff. but i feel like im neglecting my own faith? but maybe thats me over thinking. but yeah. im really confused.
its like. it IS for god. but is it REALLY for god? yah. i guess im scared the devil is making me thinki otherwise. because i guess at the end of the day it is really only if it is for god that i go through it all. (: i hope so.
but anyhow, the choreo seems to be on the right track. so i guess, all creation belongs to god (:
praise god.
I REALLY MISS YOU GUYS.
kris
Friday, February 03, 2006
amazing love!!
heys! ok, suppose to do this post y'day. hee. hmmm, anyways, my day y'day was a miracle lived from god. think i shld explain my situation first. guess u all already know i struggle as a christian in mi. frens and social activities were filling up my free time la. even my family was second priority. with this, and some personal problems of my own, i guess i was so tired to turn back to god. so there was this one night i made a personal promise to rebel against god. it sounds funny i know. and at tt time i thot i was really too tired to care abt anything any more. but a few days past, and i dun really know how to explain this. but i got more conscious of the bad and even the good tt i do. like when i didnt rebel, all i focused was on the bad stuff i did. so anyways, think my 'rebellion' was a cry for help. and the amazing thing was, god answered!! i mean, it shldnt be surprising but i've been naughty and what's more on a rebellion against him.
so anyway, suppose to have some og outing to wendy's hse to bai nian. turned out only four could make it. and they're all christian girls. so there were 2 protestants, 1 methodist and me being the only catholic. we had no idea what to do there la. but we started talking. girl talk i suppose. but we also shared a lot of other issues concerning our different yet same faith. and i realise it was a call from god. was really happy. i even sacrificed money to take cab for mass. haha.
and the next amazing thing happened, as though to make sure i had heard his call. thing was i kept missing cabs cuz i was walking in the same direction as the traffic. so i finally hailed one and the first thing i saw was the rosary on the dashboard. den u know how cabbies share taxi and all, i thot maybe it wasnt his. so anyway, he asked me where i was gg when i asked him to drive to gardens. and for some weird reason i told him to church for mass. something i seldom tell my frens in mi. turns out, he comes from christ the king. so we had some conversation abt church and convents. and he even asked abt father ho. news travel fast boy. so at the end of the day, everything was so clear to me. tt god is always here and everywhere whatever we're gg thru. and im really glad he used my other christian frens to get to me. praise god for his amazing love for each and everyone of us, and for the simple miracles which mean so much!!!
evonne]]
Thursday, February 02, 2006
hey there everyone.. hmm normally im busy coaxing people into posting their sharings, but now im finally the one sharing. yay =D about time la.. ive not been feeling too well for so long, but been too busy to post it here.. yups.
anyways, as many of you know, im currently in nj and im very happy here. having lots of fun and stuff.. but there's one thing that's bugging me.. ever since i joined track and field, ive been feeling so lethargic and moody outside of school (cos trng is after school) probably due to the uber tiring trainings and all.. and i feel that this has sorta strained my relationship with my family, with you all, and most alarmingly... with God. something like when i come home i dont feel in the mood to talk to anyone, so i sorta just brush my parents and bro off when they speak to me.. then on msn i dont talk to u all cos not in the mood to (why am i even online man?).. then at night i always pray just before i sleep.. so it's like of cos im super tired and cant wait to sleep, such that i end up rushing thru my prayer.. and i must admit, ive even fallen asleep while praying or missed praying altogether.. i dont want this to be a habit cos every second spent with God constitutes the most important moment of the day.. yea. but it's kinda annoying cos i have trainin on mondays, wednesdays, thursdays, fridays and saturdays.. and pe on tuesdays. u get the idea. easier said than done heh. so this is one thing im strugglin with.. not to mention the time-consuming tutorials.
next thing is that in nj, i try to have lots of fun la.. such that i actually lose my christian bearings at times. in class and more notably out of class, im like one of the nosier, crazier, funnier people.. u all shud know la. but while it's good to let my hair down (and it's rather long now!), i sometimes do it at the expense of what i know is good.. for example, i can say vulgar or dirty stuff as part of a joke, or i can make a friend the butt of a joke.. and in the process i compromise the being of Christ in me.. i make a mockery of the fact that Christ wishes to act and speak thru me.. then it's like instead of being the Hands and Feet of God, i become a dysfunctional part that succumbs to sin.. not that it's unforgivable to sin.. but sometimes i do question if i even bother putting in the effort to ensure that i remain as Christ-centered as possible.. this is something like what clarice expressed previously. so i guess i reallie gotta pray that Christ will provide constant reminders to keep me in check when im having fun, so that i do not go misbehave too much or whatever. and so that i can remain faithful to His service even in my daily activities.. once again, easier said than done. bleh.
so yea.. just wanna share with everyone what my struggles are. i invite you all to pray for me then, as well as for all those who have also expressed their struggles. praise god for this avenue of expressing ourselves. yay =)
now i, i belong to you
all i need, your spirit your word your truth
hear my cry, my deep desire to know you more...
-justin
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
yes hello loggers(: i think it's great how the blog is brimming with posts. haha. so much so that the song couldn't play last time because there were too many people. hahaha cool cool.
oh well. anyway. yes you know how i've not exactly been enjoying myself in school. and how sometimes i finish school feeling like shit. and the fact that I KNOW people are nice and that i should be happy makes it all the worse. so it's like how i really prayed hard that things would get better. and so praise God i guess it got better today. i mean for the first time i actually felt like i was having fun. it was quite good. don't know how short lived it'll be but that's not in my hands.
ok so my point is. how things got better today and how company seemed enjoyable..i was having fun and all...but i realised how weak i am. i found myself making fun of others. and i had to be the unwilling accomplice to a half lie. just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. and i'm thinking how i wanted to have fun and now i'm having fun. and how i've wronged God so many times today amidst all the fun. and i'm wondering if it is possible to have fun and not make God unhappy? of course it is. and so. that'll be my resolution from now on. i have a class outing later? can i do it? i don't know.
Jesus you're the reason i live.
take my life Lord
use me as You will.
empower me.
rice
hello everybody =) just wanna share a quick lil story which my chinese teacher told us today durin one of the rare moments when i was awake. haha. it was expressed in chinese la so some parts ive edited on my own, but the essence remains the same.. so here goes..
There once was a painter who was going to paint the chronological life of Jesus on the walls of a cathedral. Starting with the birth of our Saviour, he went about in search of inspiration as to how he should paint the image of the Baby Jesus. He went from town to town searching for an inspiring baby, until he finally found a mother with her baby. The child had a pure, innocent, holy and sanctified look, and the painter immediately knew that this was what Jesus had to look like at His birth. Hence, the painter took a good look at the child before returning to the cathedral and painting the nativity scene. Everyone who saw this first painting were in awe of how the inner peace and tranquility and sinlessness of Jesus was captured in the painting of the baby.
Several years went by, and the painter was nearing the end of his paintings. He had reached the final scene of Jesus' life - His crucifixtion. At the point where he wanted to paint the image of the most cruel guard who completely destroyed and humiliated Jesus, the painter once again sought inspiration. He was looking for someone who looked evil, notorious, unfaithful and who indulges feverently in acts of sin. Thus, he set out again from town to town, heading to all the dungeons and prisons, looking for the one face that would epitomise sin, but to no avail, for no one looked bad enough for the inspiration. Just as he was about to give up, he saw a man stumbling across the road in a drunken state, his face scarred with the look of sin. Immediately the painter knew that this was the man he was looking for, and offering some money, he coaxed the man to follow him to the cathedral.
Upon entering the cathedral, the painter told the man to pose next to the scene of Jesus' death, so that he could paint his sinful face as that of the guard's. At that moment, the man suddenly broke down into tears, crying his heart out. He had seen the painting of the birth of Jesus, and in between sobs, said "my mother once told me that when i was little, a painter used me as inspiration for the image of the baby Jesus. now look at what i've become?" Indeed, the man who once was the image of the Baby Jesus was now corrupted into the image of sin.
kinda nice hurr? no fun typin out tho.. haha. anyway, i think can give a bit of sharing on this. Unlike Jesus, we arent born perfect.. we are born with original sin. but thru our baptism, we are cleansed of our sinfulness and invited to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. it is thru our baptism and our growin in faith and love that we are reminded that each and every one of us is made for perfection. just like the little baby, each of us are created by God the Father to reflect the image of Jesus. Always bear in mind that Adam and Eve were not made to sin.. they were made to enjoy eternity in the serenity of God's special sanctuary, with a strong and intimate relationship with Him. But they sinned and so these ideals were not fulfilled, but Jesus was sent by God to REMIND us what God has planned for us. This whole call to holiness thing. and we should not think that such a situation is restricted solely for Adam or Jesus, because as mentioned junnow, we are made in the perfect image of Jesus, and all we have to do is maintain purity in our lives. (easier said than done)
then of cos the story goes on to show how sin disfigures this image in us. it is good to note that it is not sin which destroys this image, but rather it is us who destroy Christ by turning into the evil guard. sin is only the medium for change, sin is not the change. we become sinful, but we do not become sin. and this is why we can repent, because love is also the medium for change, except that this change is for us to revert from our sinful image back into the perfect image of God. haha a bit cheem la.. but basically the idea is that while many of us have succumbed at different levels to the attraction of sin, it is NEVER too late to say 'im sorry', and reunite and reestablish our relationship with Christ, to what it was meant to be.
anw one common word ive used bountiful times is 'image'.. and mebbe all those who so free every nite come online and zuo bo can reflect on these few questions.
- what does it mean to say that we are created 'in the image of God'
- if it is a physical image, then does this mean that ppl who are deformed, or of different race or ethnic group, are not made in the image of God? if not, then what exactly is the meanin of 'image'?
haha very interesting rite? post comments then! =) or continue sharing.. ive been very touched by what many ppl hv shared.. (: that's it for now. God Bless!
-justin
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______________________________________________well. i just realised its the end of the month and i havent designed anything. sorry. i have kinda been busy with school life and all. honestly i can't think of anything to represent us... so yea.
ok just a short sharing of some sort.
i felt guilty yesterday. it was the first time in... months i haven't gone to church on a weekday. i didn't expect myself to feelt hat guilty. cause i was out with my class and i could actually go back for mass but i chose not to. guilty guilty. i just had to get that of my chest. it's like... i rejected God invitiation.
What i find very amazing is the strange conversations i have to school. my friend was asking me what is life. haha yes! the big big question. What is life. is it based on some thinking created by humans? is it spiritual? psychological? it was some essay question my friends brother in acs was doing. how profound. anyways, nobody could give much of an answer. It made me feel very lucky that i believed in God and that i live for god. it was also quite an eye opener to how directionless pple are. sad singaporean students. it just seems like all we do is study. for a non believer i guess thats all there is to life till we go and work. for some reason im quite affected by this friend i have, just seeing how well.. directionless this person is just reminds me of last time.
The other day i had this friend who suddenly said. What is the point in life? What is after death? i could only say so much. my knowledge felt so limited really. i don't even know if pple who don't go to heaven go to hell or do they just rot in purgatory. Despite the realization that i only know so much about my faith, i don't really feel compelled to go and find out. i feel quite sian actually. maybe the result of school. so yea. its a blessing really. i never had to answer this sorta questions in IJ.
that's all from me.i would have elaborated or something but im too tired to think. I don't really know whats the point in sharing this but i just thought it was interesting. ok. have a nice week pple! God bless.
-jes
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______________________________________________Sunday, February 26, 2006
Lousy Week
Firstly, thanks Anne and Denise for the session today. Revitalised me and also made me come and blog here tonight. Thanks joan for putting the transparencys lol. Ok I deleted my blog already. It has been a shitty week because of many things that happened. First is something very personal that has been affecting me since before Chinese New Year. I decided I needed to post it here so everyone will be wary of what could happen and not end up like me. Basically I can say I was very close to this.. girl in class from the start of lessons. Around a month it went and feelings developed, but unfortunately, on my side only. Perhaps I got the wrong idea or stuff but I did not intend to say anything. I ended up being forced out of me by her questions and things turned sour. We agreed to be good friends again but for me, it was just a matter of putting up an act in school. Around 3 weeks have past and I am totally tired of it. Given up hope of anything that could happen. Move on, but nothing will ever be the same again. Both of us will be good frens again, but not after months of healing of wounds. I realised a lot of things in this short 2 months in jc, and it totally engulfs me and leaves me in disbelief of my life. There were much more happenings in between that made things really worse. And school is a torture for me now.
Second was how i was so disappointed because softball deprived me of anything else I want to do. Dance, street dance, floorball, society and clubs. Something I could not do. A dilema I was in because softball was something I played for 4 years and I still have that passion for the sport. Although not a lot of passion but yea, it was still there. My good friends who sweat and toil with me were still there. I wasn't going to leave the cca. Only things were it was time consuming and if I could not break into the team this year, I'll be wasting my time training for more than a year to play 5 matches which is the season. Totally sucks really. But i just gotta accept it.
Third to cap it off. Had drama feste on friday night. My house won best play and many other awards, was really happy and was with friends eating supper. Then my sis in a sleepy voice called me. My sis and grandma sleep in the same room so I know it was my grandma who got her to call me. Then a while later my mum called me. Nag nag, and I really lost it. I just went YA LA OK OK. Then BYE. The point being I really don't like it when parents nag although right after that I feel guilty about it. But this wasn't the first time I stayed out so late and I always make it back home safely. They have to worry so much. I know its parents and they worry and blah even my grandma too. But it gets on my nerves, I felt that it was more of trust and confidence that was seriously lacking. I got home and immediately my grandma got out of her room. I couldn't control it anymore. I just said go and sleep! She kept asking me bout stuff then i screamed, "I am 17 already, im not that stupid as to not being able to reach home after 12!" It sucks, she could still laugh. I just didn't want her to lose her sleep over such stupid things. She told me she couldn't sleep from 11 onwards and I reached home at 1230. I have a feeling the next time that happens, I'm gonna blow my top off.
So that night I sat down in front of my com, talked to my other classmate in class who was good frens with the girl I liked. She told me plainly, to give up, no chance anymore. I know it already anyway but I cried real hard that night, all 3 things combined and I really felt God has abandoned me. I felt life was so so unfair to me. I hated myself for who i am. I hated the little confidence my family shows to me. I hated life.
Then saturday at St Anne's, before and after cathecism class which i was helping out, i went to ado room there and prayed. Filled with inner peace but without answer. Came to mass and was really really touched by the lost sheep parable and the mention of agape love. And then it was the session. Thanks a lot a lot Anne, you brought me back really. I was on the verge of really abandoning myself already. I was the lost sheep and thank God for bringing me back. Praise the Lord!
mark
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______________________________________________Tuesday, February 21, 2006
i had a bad week. or actually i cant say bad, because i can be sure i havent been so down in my life before. im tired of everything happening so fast but theres just no time to stop and take a break. im tired of my jc life and somehow more than ever ive been wishing for a retreat of some sort like the end years one to come suddenly. i dont know..everything seems to suck at the same time. my class apparantly noted it best because theyve been telling me theyve never seen such a drastic change in anyone before. im always told to keep praying, and just to know that if im in such a low point of my life, id probably had hit rock bottom so things cant possibly get worse. then again at such hell im going through, its interesting to see how God sends me to people all the more.
He spoke to me today in the most unexpected way through my cross country. i didnt finish top20 like how i hoped for before but somehow i barely took notice of that in the end. i was running and my feet suddenly started to hurt in a way ive never felt since my operation. yeah i know im stupid for not declaring that i have all these health problems at all. so, i couldnt blame anyone when my hyperventilation attack hit me twice during the run either. basically, i was dying. and i heard someone speaking to me i dont know how but i just did it said smthng like 'that's barely the pain He recieved' and while running through macritchie at that same moment i saw an image of Jesus on the way to calvary. then i saw a Jew being tortured by nazis. im not saying i wasnt freaked. i just didnt expect these things.
somehow i understand things better now. the cross country in itself was a physical cross for me. im so caught up in the thought that crosses come in illnesses and depressions and emos but i never thought of how all this hell i go through by running is actually me sharing in the physical pains of everyone all over the world. it'd just make me finally understand how much pain they are in.
im not saying my life is exactly back on track yet. right after the run i started freaking out because i couldnt get transport back to church and when i finally did, well some things just got worse. but i'll come out of this phrase im stuck in for the moment. i cant possibly be stuck like this state for the rest of my life. God will help me out. just in His own time. my life isnt going in its best state now, but in what im going through Jesus spoke to me in a way that struck me harder than any of the other times He did.
thank God for this blog.
its amazes me at how much i feel Him speaking to LOG through this blog.
anne.
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______________________________________________Sunday, February 19, 2006
virgin post
im finally here. i finally remember the username and password and all. i dont come here as often as i should but im here now and that's what matters.
time to share i guess. this has been a long drawn struggle of mine, and im not even sure myself what its really about. you know that high feeling after camp or a p&w session? i love that high feeling, of praising my great god. and then after a while it disappears. and you resume the normal routine of your life. and then, suddenly you're too busy for god.
but the good thing is, you realise it. you're sorry, repentant, unworthy. you really want to go back closer to god, and hold him before anything in your heart. centre jesus in your heart, remember? haha. everywhere i see these words W.W.J.D. and i always ask my friends what it stands for. apparently its " What Would Jesus Do ? ". the first time i found out it hit me pretty hard and i asked myself what the hell i was doing.
okay but back to my point. after you go back to god, you feel the joy of having this unique, special relationship with him. you actually make time for him! and then and then. He disappears again ): and then you go and find him again. and again he disappears ):
i hate having this here.not here.here.not here relationship with god it drives me crazy. i mean, there are times where i can still sit down in adoration and pray and offer up everything good and bad in my life. i love that. but why cant i maintain it? why cant i have a constant good relationship with god?
i dont know what to think. anybody has any pennies for my thoughts? am i thinking right, or am i being too selfish? i dont know i trouble myself ):
anyway im sorry im never around these days. im awfully busy. which gives me fatigue and stress. havent had the time to talk to do my work or even talk to people. one more week okay? (:
god loves joel
joel loves you all
thus god loves you all too
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______________________________________________hellos.well. spiritual prep wasn't spectacular, but it was enough, like a good shake ( those sort of violent shakes to wake you up)
anyways, clarice said i should blog about us being like christmas trees which was just an image that came to mind during the spiritual prep. you know... christmas trees with a gazillion gifts under them. those gifts which are just waiting for small little kids to come open them ( i have a very cartoon image here. the result of watching one too many.)
anyways, of course the christmas tree must realize it has those pretty wrapped boxes below it right. we just have to realize what the box contains right? could be a jack in the box, a pillow, sunglasses, a radio etc.. uh yea.
besides that gifts part, christmas trees are also rather pretty, LIGHTS and all. we're all decorated, with different ornaments and different types of lights and different kinda stars(or angels) on the top but basically we all just 'spread the christmas spirit' heh. maybe this is just bad timing since christmas is over but i just thought it made sense to think of it this way. the point of it though is just like a reminder. yep. we are
haha. the 2nd last is an interesting tree isnt it? and just for fun, the last one is christmas tree WORMS! how amusing.
alright. i sound... weird.
know what i find amusing? the fact that so many of us went through the same decision process when deciding about JC's. thought many were like going to stay in their school no matter what.
i don't have much to share, or maybe just not online. have had a couple of problems here and there and got a bitttt overwhelmed but realizing that god gives us stuff we can handle, that irritated, annoyed, sad feeling just turned to, well, joy. actually don't know if this is really a good thing, makes me feel like im on emotional roller coaster of sorts. yep. i can't think of what else to type here. thank you joan and swee for reminding me of commitment. PRAISE GOD.
-jes*
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______________________________________________Saturday, February 18, 2006
AHH!! thank GOD for spiritual prep tonight! i think that was what i really needed. PRAISE GOD! haha.. these few days have been constantly troubled by stuff. and things didnt seem to be getting any better.. but i feel much better! and denise is right! OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD! and AMAZING! and EVERYTHING ELSE! =x haha.. that's all i have to say! =)
joan-/
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Thursday, February 16, 2006
hello...ok i shall share my experiences over these two days.
well. yesterday. i made an extremely hurried decision at like what. 7.15 - 7.17am in the morning before i went to school. hwa chong institution. and after that i couldn't stop thinking about it. what it would be like...WHY on earth did i do that. and whether i should change my mind before application closed. but OKAY. the MAIN reason that's pushing me to not change my mind and to choose hwa chong was because...ok weighing the pros and cons seriously did not work. both had like just as many good points and bad points and my mind was split in two and so was my heart. i was in a mess and i was dying trying to come to a conclusion. i was praying so hard...asking God to send me a sign...an answer...ANYTHING..i was desperate really.
so early next morning..i woke up and i remember the thought of choosing schools came into my mind...and i could feel this dread filling me...because i was like hoping for like some DREAM or ANYTHING! to help me decide..but nothing. then i don't know why but this sudden thought came into my mind it was like HWA CHONG. and after that and like now when i think about it i don't know where it came from seriously. so...i don't know if it was from God but i hope so.
and also like that day...my friend said if you're meant to go to hwa chong..it'll rain..and i remember saying...we shouldn't put GOd to the test because i've been doing that SO OFTEN recently..and i realised that it's wrong. but anyhow. IT RAINED. and i don't know why but to me..that was like a sign like GOd was telling me isn't this obvious enough and also like how could you doubt me.
well, it could just be my mind playing tricks on me but that's how i viewed everything.
so that's why. that's why. hwa chong.and i'm not proud of it. really i'm not.
ok. so i was feeling pretty like messed up inside when i came back from school. because it was a pretty depressing day with my whole class disintegrating before my eyes..and this classmate of mine had to go to RJ because of parents...and i could see how upset she was. and i could see how sweet my classmates were as in like they were so supportive and they're such a fun bunch la really they are. so YEAH. it was pretty depressing.
so yes. ok i was actually thinking of going to sleep immediately when i came home. but i like felt like going online. so i went online. i talked to that rj classmate of mine and i thought it was pretty amazing. i mean because i once heard that someone tried to bring her to church before but in the end she didn't. so i wasn't sure if she would be comfortable talking about God and stuff...but i just tried my luck..i was like if God wanted me to go to VJ i'll be in VJ. and she said...yes He will take care of us. and like it's all in God's hands. and i was really happy to hear all that. as in it's like both consolation and awe inside of me. and i was really happy after that because i had a conversation about church and stuff like that and i thought i was really cool and uplifting. and i felt really happy after that. (: praise God!
so yes. ok then
TODAY.
i was alright in school. actually i was really happy. i mean it was SO FUN. we had our normal fun in the treehouse and our like people would come and talk to me once in awhile..like why are you going? and i can feel my heartstrings being tugged at. they were really sweet.and i had a great day la i really did.
of course in such situations the better the day...the worse i'll feel. because i will miss a lot of them LOADS. like A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT A LOT. and so yea when i went to church i was actually alright. then i don't know why but i came out from the ado room feeling a bit pissed. as in irritable. when i was inside i was alright. but when i came out i was like that. and during mass too. and then when i saw jes and saw that she was in the same situation too. i kinda couldn't take it...i felt like crying. it's like i'm so sick of all these decision making all these thinking and brain wrecking just to make a stupid tiny decision. and i was frustrated and confused la.
but on my bus ride home. i was like practically dying with all the confusion in my mind...but i thought. if this is GOd wants for me...i shouldn't even be considering all these human attachments that i want to hold on to..or all these considerations of the human brain...it's all so pointless. and i decided if this is what God has led me to...i really should just let it be. because that was what i really wanted to do. just to do what God wants for me. and i guess i've found peace. peace in my decision because this is what God wanted for me and it's all that matters.
on the train home i was thinking about how a few days ago. just a mere few days ago. i was like so super happy with my results right..and yes i'm still happy but of course the exhiliration has worn off...but yes..then i was thinking how that happy person could be sitting there..feeling so confused and lost and what happened? i mean something that was meant to bring me happiness eventually led me to confusion and frustration...and i realised. that what we want for ourselves really isn't the best for us. i mean it's one thing to know that His thoughts are not our thoughts..but it's another to realise based on personal experience..because perhaps if i had gotten like a less good score i would be breezing through my decisions...BUT. i really do praise GOd for my results and also all these trials that He brings..because they REALLY only make me stronger.
SO YES. my decisions my multiple multiple confusions have brought me closer to God. and i think my trust and faith was really tested. i mean. the only way to get on with life is to just leave it in His hands. and just BELIEVE. because i truly believe this is what He led me to.
SO close i believe
you're holding me now
in your hands i belong
you'll never let me go
(: praise God.
clarice
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______________________________________________Wednesday, February 15, 2006
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on
a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly
for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned
the horizon for help, but none seemed
forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed
to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect
him from the elements, and to store his few
possessions.
But then one day, after scavenging for food, he
arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the
smoke rolling up to the sky.
The worst had happened; everything was lost. He
was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how
could you do this to me!" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by
the sound of a ship that was approaching the island.
It had come to rescue him.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary
man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
It is easy to get discouraged when things are
going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because
God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of
pain and suffering.
Remember, next time your little hut is
burning to the ground - when you feel you can no longer control the burdens and pain your cross brings to you---it just may be a
smoke signal that summons the grace of God.
For all the negative things we have to say to
ourselves, God has a positive answer for it :
You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 13:34)
You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians
12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)
You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I FORGIVE YOU (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)
You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
You say: "I'm exhuasted."
God says: Come to me all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)
You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews13:5)
God is with us all through our lives, no matter what lows we may be going through.
cast your burdens to Him, and you shall find peace within.
peace be with ya'll, ppl.
anne.
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______________________________________________Saturday, February 11, 2006
hellos! i havent been posting for quite some time now =x anw.. i was planning session halfway when i came across this reflection and i thought it's quite err... useful? =x haha.. so here it is...
Reflection:
Are you tired? Burnt out?
This might be a sign that your priorities are wrong. If you're worn out from ministering to others, perhaps you're not giving yourself enough time to be ministered TO. We cannot give to others what we have not received. Our top priority is our relationship with God, from which we receive everything else we need. This includes letting him nurture us, resting in his love.
In today's Gospel reading, Jesus needs this kind of rest. He's been busy ministering -- healing and preaching -- and he has dealt with some very difficult and disapproving Pharisees. Now he enters the home of an unnamed friend, and he hopes no one will find out that he's here, at least not until he's finished recuperating.
We all know what that's like! Just when we can't handle one more person demanding one more ounce of energy from us, and we've settled into the couch to relax, the phone rings and someone else needs our attention.
Jesus had only started to rest when someone came knocking. When she asks for help, we can hear grouchiness in this scripture: He was grumpy because he was tired. Does this surprise you? Remember, Jesus was human like us in every way except sin. But despite his grouchiness, he did not sin, because he still cared. The woman's needs were AS important as his own -- not less, not more important, but the same AS. So instead of selfishly turning the woman away, and without ignoring his own needs, he gave her what she needed and then immediately sent her out the door.
Our grouchiness becomes a sin when we use our bad mood to push others away. Oh how hard it is to remain loving when we're feeling tired! But guess what? When we make sure our own needs are taken care of and we keep our priorities right, we don't get so worn out. Then it's much easier to remain loving.
Have you ever heard the saying that J-O-Y means "Jesus-Others-You" as a priority list? It's a guarantee of burn-out. In truth, we experience joy when we stay closely connected to Jesus and let no one come between him and us. We need times of solitude with him. We need times of nurturing ourselves in his presence. We must continually fill up on his love so that we have enough love to pour into others without becoming drained.
Are you worn out from giving yourself to others? Take time to balance the equation. Your needs are as important as their needs. Give yourself time to receive what you need so that you will once again have an abundance to give to others joyfully!
by Terry A. Modica
-joan
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______________________________________________Friday, February 10, 2006
Paths
Hey all.. Regardless of what we got for O's, regardless of what we were expecting, lets not forget that God is always with us. This is part of God's plan for us and its something we might not be able to understand until we come to see the end of it. Keep faith in God and one day we will get our reward. I used to ask God why He does not tell me what will happen in the future, then I realised if I knew what was gonna happen, I would assume too much and slacken off or even end up changing what will eventually happen. It would be against the will of God. However, what we know now is that God's will is definately beneficial for us. Praise the Lord for whatever scores we got!
Btw, I got C5 for Higher chinese..
Mark
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______________________________________________Thursday, February 09, 2006
hey yall.
"dont worry about anything, but in all your prayers, ask God for what you need, always asking Him with a thankful heart. And God's peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in the union of Christ Jesus."
Philppians 4:6-7
"I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for. then you will call to me. you will come and pray to me, and i will answer. you will seek me, and you will find me because you will seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13
while none of us have a clue about how we'd score until tommorow, we can already be sure and thankful to God that whatever we score, it is done according to His will, and whether how good or bad we do, He will be there for us. God already has a plan for us.
i know what to thank God for already. the journey i have taken the past 2 years of my secondary school life. the results just show on a piece of paper, but in the course of the 2 years i've passed so many examinations and trials of trusting in God when i fall into spiritual and physical lows and knowing that He has sent me so many people to journey with.
so praise God.
and all the best, ppl.
anne.
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______________________________________________Wednesday, February 08, 2006
HEY ALL!
yes o's results are coming. ): or (: you decide.
so anyway. shall we all, no matter what plans we have, go for mass to praise and thank god for our GOOD results he's given us?
yupp. anyway. dont worry about tommorow( or friday) for tommorow will worry about itself. (:
love kris.
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______________________________________________Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Hey...woah i agree this blog is so beautiful! Not because of the template (grins) but because of the many wonderful posts this blog has...
I haven't blogged here for a long long time...so here it goes
I want to share!
I was blogging this halfway on my blog when i realised that it might serve with a better purpose here...(this blog is so popular that i've not heard the blog song for a few weeks now...heh)
I've been feeling spiritually high these few days..well not really like that but i do feel so holy ahah (looks at halo hovering above head) i feel that i'm really so much closer to God. Thats like a big difference since retreat last yr dec... and i'm glad...must be all those daily masses...i really do see the significance in mass now and the Eucharist...its wonderful and it brings me back everyday... i like the adoration room...haha...its so holy...u should go...yes you...Just spend a few minutes of your 24 hrs there in the ado and pray to God...While praying there..God has answered my prayers more than once...and best of all, immediately when i step out of the ado...woooh!
However, since i've grown much closer to God i've been having a problem... like last month while praying in church I accidently called God Daddy...(is that weird?) twice. And since then i've been thinking alot about it...whether it was alright to call him daddy or not. I was afraid that 'Daddy' was too informal a word and that i should show more respect to God and just call him God...but i had a strong urge to call him 'daddy' for some reason..i asked a few people about it and whether it was wrong to do so...that got me thinking...i guess i felt that perhaps it was because i was so happy that i had once again been drawn back to him and even much more closer after drifting so far away last year and just wanted to make known to God how happy i felt about the closeness that i now felt...then i realised (which was just recently..took me so long) God knows me so so so well...that i am certain he already knows how i feel about it and that there was no need to call him daddy for he knew what i really meant in my heart...so there..even though i found out that i could call him daddy...i wouldn't because hes also more that just a daddy to me...hes so much more to me that i cannot describe him in mere words...So i still stick to calling him God...haha yes
(i wonder if you all understood that..)
i found this book called 'Interceding with Jesus by mother Nadine' Its really nice...it teaches you how to pray!... all this time for so so long i've asked God ' Lord, teach me to pray' because i was really afraid to do it out loud for i was so afraid i might say something stupid ..yes..don't laugh..so well God's finally answered my prayers and showed me this book...my mom was the one who passed it to me...its quite thin (thank you) and $14.90...so expensive..so lucky i did not have to pay for it for if i saw it in a bookstore i wouldn't buy it...wallet pain.. so...
Praise God!!
not just for the book but for all he has done in
I'll lend the book to you if ask! :) after i finsh reading it that is...hehe
Nise.
shall change blog song to...
Hillsongs-Home
Into Your courts I run
With praises flowing from my heart
Everyday I wake and sing
Your songIt's the anthem of my life
I want to spend my days in Your presence, Lord
And bow before Your throne
In the house of God is where I found my peaceI
t's where I found my
Home is heaven
One day Lord I will live
In Your courts you'll find me
And I'll worship at Your feet
Hide me nowIn the shadow of Your wings
Where I will be
Where I will be
Your love is all I need, so desperately
I have sought Your face
I know You hear my every cry
The petition that I bring
I want to spend my days in Your presence, Lord
And bow before Your throne
In the house of God is where I found my peace
It's where I found my
Home is heaven
One day Lord I will live
In Your courts you'll find me
And I'll worship at Your feet
Hide me nowIn the shadow of Your wings
Where I will be
Where I will be
Jesus, oh You are my treasure
I want to spend my days in Your presence, Lord
And bow before Your throne
In the house of God is where I found my peace
It's where I found my
Home is heaven
One day Lord I will live
In Your courts you'll find me
And I'll worship at Your feet
Hide me nowIn the shadow of Your wings
Where I will be
Where I will be
Home.
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______________________________________________hey guys.
taking results soon yes...nervous or indifferent?
well. everytime we get freaked out is when we forget that it's all in God's hands isn't it. i mean i'm starting to get scared too. but when you think about. it's already flown into Singapore. it's probably on its way to our schools. that piece of paper and we wonder what are the stupid numbers that are gonna be on that piece of paper.
well. we might not be happy with whatever. but i find consolation in that our thoughts arent always His thoughts. and perhaps that's the way God wants it for us. and whatever it is no matter how bad. it's for the better? sounds ironical. but it's the truth what.
all the best to you all! (:
God bless.
rice
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______________________________________________Sunday, February 05, 2006
hi guys(:
well all i want to say now is. it took people like you all to transform someone like me to let you all know how wonderful a community you all have been!
i thank God for log. one huge big blessing dropped right in front of me last year. (:
Praise God!!
everything i want to say. really.
clarice
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______________________________________________hallo yall.
well first thing..i wanna affirm all those who did spiritual prep today for such a great session. thanks for letting yourselves be so open to God to allow him to use you as instruments for spreading his love and presence.
praise God!
anyway..2 things i wanna share on.
first thing's that these few days have been really great for me in cj. life there is great, espicially the catholic culture. and all the more that would make me really worried that i cant go back after JAE. ive really lost time worrying abt my results as well as the results of so many of my friends to have fun during my holidays or even to thank God for actually letting me survive the os.
thanks loads to the christmas preps during the hols, i was able to not think abt the results but recently ive been really uptight about it. and thats when i just realised awhile ago that God understands the hell what i as well as probably the rest of the student population feel like. and whatever i score, its been done so that id be led in whatever path he wants to lead me in my future. maybe the worst happens and i cant get into cj after JAE. but even though i might not be able to accept it in this point of time in my life, i'd find an answer why later on in life.
second is about the rock for good concert i went on sats at rgs with oliver, soo, h and brandon. im not the kind of person who enjoys going for gigs so i didnt really enjoy it cos it was tiring standing for 5 hours listening to deafening noise.
well, but during that 5 hours where i saw some ppl go so fanatical over the performers i found myself relating their enthusiasm level to the enthusiasm level when we recive Christ, whether at sacraments or celebrating chrstms or easter.
well im not implying that we should all raving mad when we recieve Christ at communion but im just wondering if the joy we feel when we experience Christ is just as much as the joy of those when they were able to just reach out to their fave performers. i mean, those performers give us great songs to listen and relate to, and yeah sometimes theyre really good at the songs they perform and are really gorg and stuff, but then again Christ died to save us.
the comparisons of the joys we recieve. that's quite cool.
yeah.
anne.
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______________________________________________Saturday, February 04, 2006
hello log. (: kris here. i miss you guys! ):
im really sorry i havent really been around. i do feel horrible. but i guess i really cant find time. its like. everythings so busy and there're all these deadlines to meet. doesnt help i cant finish my homework ): yes. so firstly.. IM SORRY! i do feel like im neglecting log. so sorry sorry and sorry. i'll try and manage my time better. i really miss you all! ):
secondly. nice to see so many posts on the log blog. and i figured i wont updatemy blog instead i shall post here! more ppl prob come here anw. yes well lately in school i've been doing the dance thingy for life con. and i guess with next week as the deadline for a 6min plus dance. im really quite anxious. i mean. ppl usually take months! so i guess im really scared and everything. then with the sdyr exco shit and everything, i dont know i cant really find time to meet all these deadlines and find ppl to do the stuff. and then i start thinking whether or not im really doing it for god. i mean, its ironnic how its all christian related stuff. but i feel like im neglecting my own faith? but maybe thats me over thinking. but yeah. im really confused.
its like. it IS for god. but is it REALLY for god? yah. i guess im scared the devil is making me thinki otherwise. because i guess at the end of the day it is really only if it is for god that i go through it all. (: i hope so.
but anyhow, the choreo seems to be on the right track. so i guess, all creation belongs to god (:
praise god.
I REALLY MISS YOU GUYS.
kris
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______________________________________________Friday, February 03, 2006
amazing love!!
heys! ok, suppose to do this post y'day. hee. hmmm, anyways, my day y'day was a miracle lived from god. think i shld explain my situation first. guess u all already know i struggle as a christian in mi. frens and social activities were filling up my free time la. even my family was second priority. with this, and some personal problems of my own, i guess i was so tired to turn back to god. so there was this one night i made a personal promise to rebel against god. it sounds funny i know. and at tt time i thot i was really too tired to care abt anything any more. but a few days past, and i dun really know how to explain this. but i got more conscious of the bad and even the good tt i do. like when i didnt rebel, all i focused was on the bad stuff i did. so anyways, think my 'rebellion' was a cry for help. and the amazing thing was, god answered!! i mean, it shldnt be surprising but i've been naughty and what's more on a rebellion against him.
so anyway, suppose to have some og outing to wendy's hse to bai nian. turned out only four could make it. and they're all christian girls. so there were 2 protestants, 1 methodist and me being the only catholic. we had no idea what to do there la. but we started talking. girl talk i suppose. but we also shared a lot of other issues concerning our different yet same faith. and i realise it was a call from god. was really happy. i even sacrificed money to take cab for mass. haha.
and the next amazing thing happened, as though to make sure i had heard his call. thing was i kept missing cabs cuz i was walking in the same direction as the traffic. so i finally hailed one and the first thing i saw was the rosary on the dashboard. den u know how cabbies share taxi and all, i thot maybe it wasnt his. so anyway, he asked me where i was gg when i asked him to drive to gardens. and for some weird reason i told him to church for mass. something i seldom tell my frens in mi. turns out, he comes from christ the king. so we had some conversation abt church and convents. and he even asked abt father ho. news travel fast boy. so at the end of the day, everything was so clear to me. tt god is always here and everywhere whatever we're gg thru. and im really glad he used my other christian frens to get to me. praise god for his amazing love for each and everyone of us, and for the simple miracles which mean so much!!!
evonne]]
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______________________________________________Thursday, February 02, 2006
hey there everyone.. hmm normally im busy coaxing people into posting their sharings, but now im finally the one sharing. yay =D about time la.. ive not been feeling too well for so long, but been too busy to post it here.. yups.
anyways, as many of you know, im currently in nj and im very happy here. having lots of fun and stuff.. but there's one thing that's bugging me.. ever since i joined track and field, ive been feeling so lethargic and moody outside of school (cos trng is after school) probably due to the uber tiring trainings and all.. and i feel that this has sorta strained my relationship with my family, with you all, and most alarmingly... with God. something like when i come home i dont feel in the mood to talk to anyone, so i sorta just brush my parents and bro off when they speak to me.. then on msn i dont talk to u all cos not in the mood to (why am i even online man?).. then at night i always pray just before i sleep.. so it's like of cos im super tired and cant wait to sleep, such that i end up rushing thru my prayer.. and i must admit, ive even fallen asleep while praying or missed praying altogether.. i dont want this to be a habit cos every second spent with God constitutes the most important moment of the day.. yea. but it's kinda annoying cos i have trainin on mondays, wednesdays, thursdays, fridays and saturdays.. and pe on tuesdays. u get the idea. easier said than done heh. so this is one thing im strugglin with.. not to mention the time-consuming tutorials.
next thing is that in nj, i try to have lots of fun la.. such that i actually lose my christian bearings at times. in class and more notably out of class, im like one of the nosier, crazier, funnier people.. u all shud know la. but while it's good to let my hair down (and it's rather long now!), i sometimes do it at the expense of what i know is good.. for example, i can say vulgar or dirty stuff as part of a joke, or i can make a friend the butt of a joke.. and in the process i compromise the being of Christ in me.. i make a mockery of the fact that Christ wishes to act and speak thru me.. then it's like instead of being the Hands and Feet of God, i become a dysfunctional part that succumbs to sin.. not that it's unforgivable to sin.. but sometimes i do question if i even bother putting in the effort to ensure that i remain as Christ-centered as possible.. this is something like what clarice expressed previously. so i guess i reallie gotta pray that Christ will provide constant reminders to keep me in check when im having fun, so that i do not go misbehave too much or whatever. and so that i can remain faithful to His service even in my daily activities.. once again, easier said than done. bleh.
so yea.. just wanna share with everyone what my struggles are. i invite you all to pray for me then, as well as for all those who have also expressed their struggles. praise god for this avenue of expressing ourselves. yay =)
now i, i belong to you
all i need, your spirit your word your truth
hear my cry, my deep desire to know you more...
-justin
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______________________________________________Wednesday, February 01, 2006
yes hello loggers(: i think it's great how the blog is brimming with posts. haha. so much so that the song couldn't play last time because there were too many people. hahaha cool cool.
oh well. anyway. yes you know how i've not exactly been enjoying myself in school. and how sometimes i finish school feeling like shit. and the fact that I KNOW people are nice and that i should be happy makes it all the worse. so it's like how i really prayed hard that things would get better. and so praise God i guess it got better today. i mean for the first time i actually felt like i was having fun. it was quite good. don't know how short lived it'll be but that's not in my hands.
ok so my point is. how things got better today and how company seemed enjoyable..i was having fun and all...but i realised how weak i am. i found myself making fun of others. and i had to be the unwilling accomplice to a half lie. just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. and i'm thinking how i wanted to have fun and now i'm having fun. and how i've wronged God so many times today amidst all the fun. and i'm wondering if it is possible to have fun and not make God unhappy? of course it is. and so. that'll be my resolution from now on. i have a class outing later? can i do it? i don't know.
Jesus you're the reason i live.
take my life Lord
use me as You will.
empower me.
rice