Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Hello everyone. Okay, before I start I must comment on the keyboard I am using. I think it's german and the z and y key is one of the few keys which are located differently.
Lost maybe? I do not really know. For once in a long time, my patience has been paper thin. People irritate me by every unnormal activity. If only if time could stand still and allow me to take one deep breath and wonder what is it that I'm missing. If only...
On Sunday, I need to appologize for being a bit too emotional, but I was just struck. I do not know why I felt so depressed. Could it be that I felt taken for granted? Could it be that I felt that I was being stretched? I just snapped, but it allowed me to sit inside the adoration room and pray.
Maybe if I slow down even more, God might tell me something.
You know... For a long period of time, I have been wondering how can our community move forward. Our faith level kept fluctuating, thus in order to maintain it, we look to the past experiences of Christ. What we really need to ask ourselves is if we can look away from the past and look for Christ in the present- and maybe, just maybe, in the future.
I need to pray. Pray for peace. Pray for grace. Pray for acceptance. Pray for courage. Pray for love. Pray for serenity. Pray for discernment. Pray for faith. Pray for wisdom. Pray for time.
and pray for LoG
I miss you all so so much, I could cry right now in this fricking crowded canteen by just thinking of everyone.
Lord grant me strength, I need you
-Timothy Swee
From a Hellhole called Pre U Sem
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
hello log. i was posting this on my blog when i just had the sudden urge to put this on the log blog as well. i just typed whatever came to my mind.
the atmosphere at session on sunday was so different, there just was this cold chilly feeling about the atmosphere. nothing to do with the air-conditioning. somehow my relationships with people have changed. as in really changed. everything just doesn't feel the same way as it did when i first joined LOG close to six months ago. guess this is what is known as the "transition phase" in every existent community.. looking at it in a more positive light, i guess that perhaps we're going through this time so that we can be reminded of why we are in this community, and apart from that, be more appreciative of the many people with whom God has so generously blessed us with. after all, everything happens for a reason. we are in LOG for a reason. and it's not just any reason, it's God's will at work. if we aren't sure of why we're in LOG, i guess each of us should all take some time during session to think of why we're in LOG. for some of us, the truth may hurt, but it's the only way we grow stronger.
- jonathan
Monday, May 29, 2006
let God love you.
i put this on my blog but i'm not sure if everyone has seen it.
When your nights are filled with loneliness
and your days are dark with discouragement..
When you can't seem to read or pray or do anything else..
Just sit still and let God love you.
Isaiah 40:31
But those trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed.
They will rise on wings like eagles;
They will run and not get weary;
They will walk and not grow weak.
We will rise on wings like eagles
We will run and not get weary
We will walk and not grow weak.
just two things that are lying on my table right now. oh and there's a pencil with I LOVE JESUS all over it too (:
well. we've all got weaknesses. but LOG loves you you know that. LOG LOVES YOU. the one reading this post right now. LOG LOVES YOU. and if you are lost, if you just feel like LOG is the last thing you want to think about right now..if you think that LOG can't help you..or LOG doesn't care about you.
JUST READ THE LAST FEW POSTS.
in fact, READ EVERY SINGLE POST THERE EVER WAS.
and maybe you'll realise you're wrong. VERY WRONG.
LOG LOVES YOU!!!!!
rice
Sunday, May 28, 2006
where'd you go... i miss you so.
yes log. where have we gone?
we're here but never around
present but not dedicated.
what happened to us?
just you know, im quite upset at the present state we're in. i mean its part and parcel of being a community, going through difficulties, but what exactly are we doing about it? where has everyone gone? before session? during session? and after session? where exactly are our hearts when we're together. we're first and foremost and body of god. and then some. but where is our present state and focus going? i think presently we are all too busy and caught up with our own lives. i mean its not like im saying we dont want to spare time, its just that we may not even have the time to ourselves. and something brandon said today struck me, log is like something we do to just use spare time to serve god. and somehow that simple way of putting is actually is true. i mean i always thought that it was something i wanna do to serve god, which still is true, but recently, given circumstances, what brandon said is true. and i guess truth hurts?
anyway. i was quite disappointed with today's attendance. it was quite miserable. and i think the unexplained absentees are quite unreasonable. we need to deal with absenteeism! like what happened to the core ppl being accountable for ppl under them.
sigh. log. where are we.
what are we.
why are we log
can we please recall?
why did we even start.
"if we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
if we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself."
2timothy2:11-13
Thursday, May 25, 2006
hello log.
i thought i had a lot to say and suddenly everything seems to flee my mind. oh well.
i had a bad day today. and i now know why. because i was placing my happiness in the hands of humans. ok. but doesn't everyone do that? but it's stupid ok. it is.
well..then i went for ascension mass [where was everyone anyway?] and when i prayed..i just found the answer. i just suddenly could imagine myself being isolated from the whole world but i have God right beside me. and then i realise it's not that bad. and that's what's been helping me for a long time. and i guess while i was kneeling and praying it came back to me. and i found strength. well well well. then i was thinking about the song what the world will never take and well it's apt right. i've decided that i'm not going to let the world take away the peace and joy and everything else nice that God gave to me so freely..and i refuse to acknowledge.
THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE, THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE HIM AWAY.
ok. then i was thinking about how things changed so much. SO MUCH.
i was thinking about how LONG LONG time ago during christmas time..WHY WAS I THINKING BOUT CHRISTMAS i also don't know...but well yeaa christmas time i could rmb how happy i was..the joy i felt..just like easter..during last christmas. and i rmb JUSTIN SIM telling me to BLOG. keep pushing me to blog..everything that i was feeling..and i was at this page that i am staring at now...and my fingers [God] did all the talking for me. and if i'm not wrong that was the start of my blogging about God and all. well. things have changed right? don't even see much of justin sim anymore!
and not just him, but everyone! i can see you guys on Sunday but come straight baack and feel like i miss log even more because i've lost you all to homework/JC/mugging land as soon as session or lunch ends.
but anyway. so yes..
THAT'S WHY I MISS LOG. AND ALWAYS WILL.
no one could ever take Him away.
rice.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Life
I created another blog. I would like to share just this feeling with you about blogging. The reason why I deleted my blog so many times was because I did not want it to affect others. You see, whenever I post sometimes damn depressing or upset, the people involved will also be affected as well and it is really not nice. Well that is just my thinking, whether it happens I don't know. Ok that was kinda random.
Anyway nowadays my night prayers are getting shorter and shorter, getting more numb because I cannot seem to concerntrate. I always just drown in my own thoughts and feel like shit at night before I sleep. You see I always tell myself that God is there for me, He has this plan for me. But whenever after a while I don't see anything happening, I get really frustrated and really clueless bout where my life is going. Then I will be recharged on Sunday where I see yall and strengthen my belief again. It goes around in cycles and it is really quite tiring. I am still having problems with that girl in class, yes lol ever since feb so guess nothing much has worked out for me yet. God is there but what do I have to do? Now with council, I see her almost every minute of my school life. Now with council, I no longer have the time or energy to go down for weekday masses. Now with council, I dunno when I will see myself smile truthfully to the image in the mirror.
God heal me..
mark
Sunday, May 21, 2006
hello LOG! i didn't even see that post by joel actually. and so when i heard it i immediately decided i'll go home and blog on the log blog! so yeah here i am.
well actually there was something i forgot to share just now. see..my hc classmates were there yesterday. they gave me flowers..each one one flower and it was really nice (: and then when i think about it..where are my vj classmates? i mean i asked them like quite a lot of times...and erm well i realise i've been erm quite supportive of vj performances..so well yea..i'm so upset..or disappointed in any way. i was just thinking about it..and ya. it was just really nice to see my hc classmates (:
so then i was thinking...how actually i've got everything i want in hc. nice people who aren't overly enthusiastic about things making my feel uncomfortable. nice people whom i have no doubts as to their sincerity at all. i have at least A CHANCE of getting into exco.which i wouldn't have had if i had stayed in vj. and ya. life isn't perfect. but MY life is perfect in the way God made it. and i jus really really believe that God has a reason of putting me into hc so nonsensically. and i can't believe the thoughts that were oging through my mind as well. unbelievable.
well. anyway THANK YOU to those who came to watch my concert (: i'm really glad that you all managed to come..it would have really sucked if you guys weren't there.so thank you so much!! it really meant a lot to me..really a lot! (:
i'm so blessed. and it takes tough times to pass for us to realise it.
you all are blessings to me you know that!!!
I LOVE LOG. and i also want to say that I MISS LOG.
THANK GOD FOR LOG.
rice.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
whered you go... i miss you so...
hello this is joel
i was talking to god just now and uh. he wanted me to tell you that uh
where have all of you gone? how come you dont post anymore. when u post you always tell me about the significant things that have happened. how you are angry, how you are sorry, and how you love me ((: (btw i love you too) what happened to all those things? is it that nothing significant has happened, or that you're too busy?
i miss you guys ) : please come back. please say hello.
okay god also wants me to tell you that he actually loves me more than all of you! but he has to play fair so i told him nevermind give some of the love to log. so now he loves all of us equally : D how nice of me. remember to say thanks ah
Sunday, May 14, 2006
-note- my keyboard is weird and im lazy to correct typs so... go figure!
hello log. i realized i havent blogged here for like... eons.
i never really liked blogging here and on my blog.. (can't really multitask! lol)
anyways, todays session really pricked a conscience... my family being no really together very often and all (not to mention half isn't catholic so it makes it a bit more different) sigh i don't really know what to do, all i know is that at the end of the day, family just gives you that (VERY) deep warm feeling that lets you know there's a net below to catch you even though the net is quite far down ( think walking on a tightrope in circus) .
Besides that, i realized that LoG is cool. has the ability to really make you feel ... serenity. haha like today i was sitting at the super front pew with my mommy (it was mothers day!) then when the Loggers went up for communion i just saw you people and this smile just crept across my face. ( goodness that just sounds weird) ANYWAY it was just nice to feel the logger love. haha.
Funny. i thought my faith was... roughly in place but it seems to have disappeared once again. my mind is distracted by 'unholy' random thoughts. haha. i mean like... i just concentrate in mass anymore.. it's like... "our father in heaven holy.... hm.. who's doing session later?..our kindom come your... im hungry... give us today.. hmm should i- *shakes head.. starts feeling guilty*CONCENTRATE" and normally by the time i can concentrate, end of song. sigh. this really made me think where my faith is now and i realize i forgot about it. ignorance in this case is not bliss. i realize i don't say my prayers before i sleep anymore, i realize i don't really say grace before meals, i realized that my life doesn't center around God. Its like the fries that come with the extra value meal. I guess all i can do is to be more spiritually aware though it's kinda hard, tests, work, friends... i can't multitask for goodness sake. (im sorry if im starting to ramble)
"one way, jesus, you're the only one that i could live for"
you know, sometimes i think that ive fallen out of love with jesus. like the past year was just something like... a crush of some sort.I'm afraid that im just doing all this for the sake of being that pious catholic and not because i really really want to. BUT! as how most first crushes go... they have that special place don't they! i can see the love of god through other people but.. i just lost that relationship with god in the storm of time.
Know whats cool about god? he gave me a friendship which showed me alot. I even wanted to just run away from that friendship because i was doing the same thing to my friend as i was doing to God and i felt it was very unfair to my friend. I guess i took god's love for granted, knowing that he'll never hate me. I forgot to put myself in his shoes! so, the friendship was a super good reminder ( i saw how much i hurt god with my actions) so.. praise god. i shalln't let god go! yay. *sudden inspiration*
uh yea. so thats my sharing (oohh long post!).
thank you LoG
thank you God
thank you FAMILY!
jes
Today
Hello people. I haven blogged for a long long time. I deleted my own personal blog coz my friends at school were reading it and I just wanted that bit of privacy. But of course I will always share here. Today was some unglam day for me lol. I admit before mass I wasn't feeling very good already. I went to ado for a while and asked God for directions. I prayed for Him to help me decide whether I should continue with softball and or take up another CCA which is of my interests, as well as balancing all my commitments but yet putting Him as first priority. This became something I pray about every night. And mayb some of you know, I am not completely over the problems in school and its just haunting me night and day. Then ever since the time quite long ago where Poey shared that he foresee family problems and shared bout it, I became very concious bout spending more quality time with my family. I prayed for a solution. Because its really tough now with council work, match support almost every single day. My family sleeps at ten thirty latest so I actually just see them for an hour or so every day if i reach home at 9 plus. In the morning its just that half hour with my mum and sis before I go to school and resume my hectic lifestyle. I was feeling very upset in ado room about me not being able to attend weekday masses anymore. Even when I am free I really do not have the will to go down, excuse being too tired or too much work to do. But I find myself playing sometimes incessantly and whenever I pray before I sleep, I just rush it through because I am too sleepy already. I can play for hours but yet spend only 5 sleepy mins with God. I can't believe that I wrote God as my first most important person in my life. Feel so guilty. I prayed that I will return to God, be closer to him.
Mass was refreshing. Reminded me of what I prayed in ado room. Not just about obeying him that I didn't do, I didn't even have time to listen to his orders, how to obey? And only with listening to him, will I receive what I ask of Him. I just felt at that time that I am in no position to ask for anything actually, or even being frustrated in life. I lost him in this period of time when I became a councilor. Everything came back to me, whether I made the right decision, whether I should quit softball to free up time. To be truthful I really wanna join dance. :D lol but that aside there are a lot of decisions made but yet more to be made down this road. And truthfully I can't over that same girl I mentioned here a few months ago. Its May already, its taking really long and its like torture. A lot of thoughts were going through my mind, throat dry so i gave up singing lol. Afraid I zhao xia also.. heh. :p
Right after mass I went back into ado room to discern somemore, felt very troubled. But I was really happy to see everyone smiling in church. The community that is always there for me. Today i was supposed to bring a fren along but he suddenly want to do hw so didn't come. Slacker but I felt that I have the responsibility to bring him back to God. He's a catholic but only goes to church in Malaysia where his family is. But then I thought, how am i supposed to help others when I myself can't discern and can't obey? Its a conflict between my affection and God's will. I know everything bout God knowing the best for me, I just can't help myself at all. So okay, came session, first thing poey said bout writing 3 most important person on that piece of paper just shocked me. I never thought of it, I was just so tempted to write that girl's name cause its that real. But then i just dismissed it as something silly and of course God is there. Family was second. I wrote close frens which included a whole lot of people including LOG and my very good frens in school. Thanks poey and ricer, how apt to have a session on family on Mother's day. Then came the part where everyone shared bout wad their family means to them. Kris asked me several times whether I was ok. I was actually okay, just v stone coz i kept thinking bout everything thats happening in my life. Then came the part where everyone was laughing, I realised everyone can spend qutie a lot mroe time with their family compared to me. Otherwise there wouldn't be so much things to say bout what they do together. Then I though of what to say and I really couldn't say it. I would have said, family means seeing them for less than 15 hours in 5 days. How am I supposed to complete that sentence without bursting into tears? So in order to maintain glamness lol, i just kept quiet. Until Bel spoke and i saw her break down, every thing came back to me and I too collapsed and i just closed my eyes coz i know when i cry i look damn ugly lol. But nevertheless i tried to calm myself down. It was something i kept in my mind for ages but just didn't have the will to do it. Sharing came I just went to ado room to stone. Closed my eyes and almost fell asleep. Couldn't concentrate on talking to God, keep having random thoughts but I know I spent some part of it talking to Him. I could always feel this sense of calmness and comfort in the ado room. It just sinks into me and takes the sourness out of my mouth, the ache away from my heart. Tmr will be some mad day again. until late night rehearsal. Where's my life?
thanks log, thanks poey, thanks rice, thanks kris, thanks all who have been there and comforted me. :D
mark
Monday, May 08, 2006
hello hello log.
never would i have expected that i could grow to love all of you so much when i joined. i really do. and thank you all for just being the way you are. because since all of us have been formed in God's image..we are nothing less then PERFECT the way we are. and i love you all!
well after session i felt the log love! and it's a wonderful feeling. i was so overwhelmed i cried. log love! (: well. but deep inside i still dreaded my pw meeting..although much less than before session. so alright i went for it with some renewed strength and with much more determination. TO LOVE. TO ACCEPT.
well i didn't have to try. God did it for me.
while the two of them were aruging like mad people..sometimes making no sense. me and the other girl sat there looking at each other and laughing at them. and at least i realised i wasn't the only one who thought some of the things said made no sense. and i just felt almost totally NOTirritable. and i was amused actually.
well then this guy told the other guy..i guess it got a little heated. something to this effect la... "it's your attitude...that's why you're so unpopular...last time CHS also like that..now in jc also unpopular." and then i was like oh shit. oh dear. then he looked so sad. he suddenly had nothing to say. so i was looking at him...so i asked him if he was alright. then the other one said "you ok or not" then he went on to say how we all love him for who he is. and i thought. wow. that came as a shocker. and so thus i can say..i can see God in them!
and so i have found out. don't try so damn bloody hard...and then get frustrated that you can't..because you know it. YOU KNOW THAT WE HUMANS ARE WEAK. so just keep persevering..keeping in mind..knowing that you have to LOVE..to ACCEPT..and learn to see God in people ..the most unexpected people...keep in mind..hold on to faith..TRUST. and then wahla! God does it for you..as if it was the easiest thing in the world.
can't say i trusted. but now i can tell you all to trust! [though it's hard] totally trusting Him. like a trust fall...fall totally into His hands...although they are so warm, comfy, ever there..with all the muscles tensed up waiting for us to fall...but sometimes we just don't. can't trust the things we can't see..because His hands are too far down? and we are the ones who have not yet seen and yet believe.
my pw people asked me yesterday.
"have you seen God?"
and i said yes.
of course i went on to say it was figuratively.
anyway they said "If i were to see God, i will believe."
and somehow..somewhere..inside..i cringed. for somehow..i knew. that one day they will see. one day they will believe.
and if it's up to me. then i'm gonna need a hell lot of help and strenth. but. everything in His time.
and TRUST!
(:
psalms 70:5
I am weak and poor;
come to me quickly, O God
You are my saviour and my Lord-
hurry to my aid!
rice
Sunday, May 07, 2006
mirabel's first log blog post
thanks to bobby.
haha.
on behalf of mirabel, she says
"peek-a-boo! bel loves log! (:"
hello log =)
my second post here, but unfortunately i have no time to say anything (taking a break from studying), except that i praise God for the gift of each and every one of you =)
p.s. i placed links to the LOG blog archives so we can all look back at what each of us has posted. they can be found under the tagboard. God bless =)
jonathan
the blog needs pictures.
it died. so since all i can say it jes loves log.
here you go!
just acouple. didnt type everything out. no time. 2 tests tmr! :P
old log! (weird hair !)
last year lent.
ahhh look more normal now.
confi dinner thingamajig.
EAST COAST!
car wash.
lent2006
oh yes. the camps!
and who can forget the silly things in life?
Thursday, May 04, 2006
hey log.
im screwed because it's like 1230 already and i know that i have a choice of sleeping now or later on in maths lect but im somehow not sleeping now. ohwell aside from that.
i really miss you ppl more than i can say it. it's like, i sensed we wouldnt be seeing much of each other like how we used to so much after the o's and stuff, and yeah i feel so far from all of you. i mean even being in cj where there are so many loggers somehow i just dont even have the time to catch up with them, let alone you all who i probably wouldnt even see unless it's sunday.
it's already may and the exams are coming up. or at least the ca's are piling up already. somehow im just scared thinking about what is to come in the 2nd half of the year. i mean, like during the o's, even though the stressload was hell and stuff, at least i knew what i was heading for for the rest of the year anyway. not now though, jc life is just so hectic..ive just finally been able to start balancing and sorting my life and i realise im already halfway through my first year already.
it's almost scary when i think about how much has happened to me already in this year alone. it has affected me more than anything else of the last 16 years of my life combined. yeah im scared. i dont even know what im doing sometimes nowadays, whats with how sudden my relationships with people around me change in a matter of months. but whatever it is, looking back on this past 5 months, things come and go so fast, you know. i mean..first three months and that supposedly slack period is long gone! and in this 5 months so damn much has happened to me and im sure to all of your lives. ive seen so much of God working through everyone around me. i seen new friends come and go so fast. suddenly im mugging again even after i havent taken a proper break from the trauma of the o's. im moving abit too fast into some friendships and stuff like that. everything around me seems so unstable still. well and except log. it's amazing you know, how at the end of the week when im so drained physically emotionally and spiritually i come back to church on sunday. and i see the people i started out my spiritual healing with after confirmation, and you all are still there. there's just something deeper to it that i cant describe in words. in cj morning masses and prayers and stuff, id always think of log when we sing hymns in the morning that i remember we always love to sing when there's a guitar lying somewhere around.
im stressed, yeah i know.
and im busy and caught up in life.
but i havent forgotten this blog!
haha.
yeah and i do think about you ppl often.
being too busy to see log during the weekdays makes me look forward to seeing you ppl all the more on sundays.
praise God for log.
love ya'll loads.
anne.
Hello everyone. Okay, before I start I must comment on the keyboard I am using. I think it's german and the z and y key is one of the few keys which are located differently.
Lost maybe? I do not really know. For once in a long time, my patience has been paper thin. People irritate me by every unnormal activity. If only if time could stand still and allow me to take one deep breath and wonder what is it that I'm missing. If only...
On Sunday, I need to appologize for being a bit too emotional, but I was just struck. I do not know why I felt so depressed. Could it be that I felt taken for granted? Could it be that I felt that I was being stretched? I just snapped, but it allowed me to sit inside the adoration room and pray.
Maybe if I slow down even more, God might tell me something.
You know... For a long period of time, I have been wondering how can our community move forward. Our faith level kept fluctuating, thus in order to maintain it, we look to the past experiences of Christ. What we really need to ask ourselves is if we can look away from the past and look for Christ in the present- and maybe, just maybe, in the future.
I need to pray. Pray for peace. Pray for grace. Pray for acceptance. Pray for courage. Pray for love. Pray for serenity. Pray for discernment. Pray for faith. Pray for wisdom. Pray for time.
and pray for LoG
I miss you all so so much, I could cry right now in this fricking crowded canteen by just thinking of everyone.
Lord grant me strength, I need you
-Timothy Swee
From a Hellhole called Pre U Sem
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Tuesday, May 30, 2006
hello log. i was posting this on my blog when i just had the sudden urge to put this on the log blog as well. i just typed whatever came to my mind.
the atmosphere at session on sunday was so different, there just was this cold chilly feeling about the atmosphere. nothing to do with the air-conditioning. somehow my relationships with people have changed. as in really changed. everything just doesn't feel the same way as it did when i first joined LOG close to six months ago. guess this is what is known as the "transition phase" in every existent community.. looking at it in a more positive light, i guess that perhaps we're going through this time so that we can be reminded of why we are in this community, and apart from that, be more appreciative of the many people with whom God has so generously blessed us with. after all, everything happens for a reason. we are in LOG for a reason. and it's not just any reason, it's God's will at work. if we aren't sure of why we're in LOG, i guess each of us should all take some time during session to think of why we're in LOG. for some of us, the truth may hurt, but it's the only way we grow stronger.
- jonathan
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Monday, May 29, 2006
let God love you.
i put this on my blog but i'm not sure if everyone has seen it.
When your nights are filled with loneliness
and your days are dark with discouragement..
When you can't seem to read or pray or do anything else..
Just sit still and let God love you.
Isaiah 40:31
But those trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed.
They will rise on wings like eagles;
They will run and not get weary;
They will walk and not grow weak.
We will rise on wings like eagles
We will run and not get weary
We will walk and not grow weak.
just two things that are lying on my table right now. oh and there's a pencil with I LOVE JESUS all over it too (:
well. we've all got weaknesses. but LOG loves you you know that. LOG LOVES YOU. the one reading this post right now. LOG LOVES YOU. and if you are lost, if you just feel like LOG is the last thing you want to think about right now..if you think that LOG can't help you..or LOG doesn't care about you.
JUST READ THE LAST FEW POSTS.
in fact, READ EVERY SINGLE POST THERE EVER WAS.
and maybe you'll realise you're wrong. VERY WRONG.
LOG LOVES YOU!!!!!
rice
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Sunday, May 28, 2006
where'd you go... i miss you so.
yes log. where have we gone?
we're here but never around
present but not dedicated.
what happened to us?
just you know, im quite upset at the present state we're in. i mean its part and parcel of being a community, going through difficulties, but what exactly are we doing about it? where has everyone gone? before session? during session? and after session? where exactly are our hearts when we're together. we're first and foremost and body of god. and then some. but where is our present state and focus going? i think presently we are all too busy and caught up with our own lives. i mean its not like im saying we dont want to spare time, its just that we may not even have the time to ourselves. and something brandon said today struck me, log is like something we do to just use spare time to serve god. and somehow that simple way of putting is actually is true. i mean i always thought that it was something i wanna do to serve god, which still is true, but recently, given circumstances, what brandon said is true. and i guess truth hurts?
anyway. i was quite disappointed with today's attendance. it was quite miserable. and i think the unexplained absentees are quite unreasonable. we need to deal with absenteeism! like what happened to the core ppl being accountable for ppl under them.
sigh. log. where are we.
what are we.
why are we log
can we please recall?
why did we even start.
"if we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
if we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself."
2timothy2:11-13
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______________________________________________Thursday, May 25, 2006
hello log.
i thought i had a lot to say and suddenly everything seems to flee my mind. oh well.
i had a bad day today. and i now know why. because i was placing my happiness in the hands of humans. ok. but doesn't everyone do that? but it's stupid ok. it is.
well..then i went for ascension mass [where was everyone anyway?] and when i prayed..i just found the answer. i just suddenly could imagine myself being isolated from the whole world but i have God right beside me. and then i realise it's not that bad. and that's what's been helping me for a long time. and i guess while i was kneeling and praying it came back to me. and i found strength. well well well. then i was thinking about the song what the world will never take and well it's apt right. i've decided that i'm not going to let the world take away the peace and joy and everything else nice that God gave to me so freely..and i refuse to acknowledge.
THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE, THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE HIM AWAY.
ok. then i was thinking about how things changed so much. SO MUCH.
i was thinking about how LONG LONG time ago during christmas time..WHY WAS I THINKING BOUT CHRISTMAS i also don't know...but well yeaa christmas time i could rmb how happy i was..the joy i felt..just like easter..during last christmas. and i rmb JUSTIN SIM telling me to BLOG. keep pushing me to blog..everything that i was feeling..and i was at this page that i am staring at now...and my fingers [God] did all the talking for me. and if i'm not wrong that was the start of my blogging about God and all. well. things have changed right? don't even see much of justin sim anymore!
and not just him, but everyone! i can see you guys on Sunday but come straight baack and feel like i miss log even more because i've lost you all to homework/JC/mugging land as soon as session or lunch ends.
but anyway. so yes..
THAT'S WHY I MISS LOG. AND ALWAYS WILL.
no one could ever take Him away.
rice.
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______________________________________________Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Life
I created another blog. I would like to share just this feeling with you about blogging. The reason why I deleted my blog so many times was because I did not want it to affect others. You see, whenever I post sometimes damn depressing or upset, the people involved will also be affected as well and it is really not nice. Well that is just my thinking, whether it happens I don't know. Ok that was kinda random.
Anyway nowadays my night prayers are getting shorter and shorter, getting more numb because I cannot seem to concerntrate. I always just drown in my own thoughts and feel like shit at night before I sleep. You see I always tell myself that God is there for me, He has this plan for me. But whenever after a while I don't see anything happening, I get really frustrated and really clueless bout where my life is going. Then I will be recharged on Sunday where I see yall and strengthen my belief again. It goes around in cycles and it is really quite tiring. I am still having problems with that girl in class, yes lol ever since feb so guess nothing much has worked out for me yet. God is there but what do I have to do? Now with council, I see her almost every minute of my school life. Now with council, I no longer have the time or energy to go down for weekday masses. Now with council, I dunno when I will see myself smile truthfully to the image in the mirror.
God heal me..
mark
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______________________________________________Sunday, May 21, 2006
hello LOG! i didn't even see that post by joel actually. and so when i heard it i immediately decided i'll go home and blog on the log blog! so yeah here i am.
well actually there was something i forgot to share just now. see..my hc classmates were there yesterday. they gave me flowers..each one one flower and it was really nice (: and then when i think about it..where are my vj classmates? i mean i asked them like quite a lot of times...and erm well i realise i've been erm quite supportive of vj performances..so well yea..i'm so upset..or disappointed in any way. i was just thinking about it..and ya. it was just really nice to see my hc classmates (:
so then i was thinking...how actually i've got everything i want in hc. nice people who aren't overly enthusiastic about things making my feel uncomfortable. nice people whom i have no doubts as to their sincerity at all. i have at least A CHANCE of getting into exco.which i wouldn't have had if i had stayed in vj. and ya. life isn't perfect. but MY life is perfect in the way God made it. and i jus really really believe that God has a reason of putting me into hc so nonsensically. and i can't believe the thoughts that were oging through my mind as well. unbelievable.
well. anyway THANK YOU to those who came to watch my concert (: i'm really glad that you all managed to come..it would have really sucked if you guys weren't there.so thank you so much!! it really meant a lot to me..really a lot! (:
i'm so blessed. and it takes tough times to pass for us to realise it.
you all are blessings to me you know that!!!
I LOVE LOG. and i also want to say that I MISS LOG.
THANK GOD FOR LOG.
rice.
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______________________________________________Saturday, May 20, 2006
whered you go... i miss you so...
hello this is joel
i was talking to god just now and uh. he wanted me to tell you that uh
where have all of you gone? how come you dont post anymore. when u post you always tell me about the significant things that have happened. how you are angry, how you are sorry, and how you love me ((: (btw i love you too) what happened to all those things? is it that nothing significant has happened, or that you're too busy?
i miss you guys ) : please come back. please say hello.
okay god also wants me to tell you that he actually loves me more than all of you! but he has to play fair so i told him nevermind give some of the love to log. so now he loves all of us equally : D how nice of me. remember to say thanks ah
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______________________________________________Sunday, May 14, 2006
-note- my keyboard is weird and im lazy to correct typs so... go figure!
hello log. i realized i havent blogged here for like... eons.
i never really liked blogging here and on my blog.. (can't really multitask! lol)
anyways, todays session really pricked a conscience... my family being no really together very often and all (not to mention half isn't catholic so it makes it a bit more different) sigh i don't really know what to do, all i know is that at the end of the day, family just gives you that (VERY) deep warm feeling that lets you know there's a net below to catch you even though the net is quite far down ( think walking on a tightrope in circus) .
Besides that, i realized that LoG is cool. has the ability to really make you feel ... serenity. haha like today i was sitting at the super front pew with my mommy (it was mothers day!) then when the Loggers went up for communion i just saw you people and this smile just crept across my face. ( goodness that just sounds weird) ANYWAY it was just nice to feel the logger love. haha.
Funny. i thought my faith was... roughly in place but it seems to have disappeared once again. my mind is distracted by 'unholy' random thoughts. haha. i mean like... i just concentrate in mass anymore.. it's like... "our father in heaven holy.... hm.. who's doing session later?..our kindom come your... im hungry... give us today.. hmm should i- *shakes head.. starts feeling guilty*CONCENTRATE" and normally by the time i can concentrate, end of song. sigh. this really made me think where my faith is now and i realize i forgot about it. ignorance in this case is not bliss. i realize i don't say my prayers before i sleep anymore, i realize i don't really say grace before meals, i realized that my life doesn't center around God. Its like the fries that come with the extra value meal. I guess all i can do is to be more spiritually aware though it's kinda hard, tests, work, friends... i can't multitask for goodness sake. (im sorry if im starting to ramble)
"one way, jesus, you're the only one that i could live for"
you know, sometimes i think that ive fallen out of love with jesus. like the past year was just something like... a crush of some sort.I'm afraid that im just doing all this for the sake of being that pious catholic and not because i really really want to. BUT! as how most first crushes go... they have that special place don't they! i can see the love of god through other people but.. i just lost that relationship with god in the storm of time.
Know whats cool about god? he gave me a friendship which showed me alot. I even wanted to just run away from that friendship because i was doing the same thing to my friend as i was doing to God and i felt it was very unfair to my friend. I guess i took god's love for granted, knowing that he'll never hate me. I forgot to put myself in his shoes! so, the friendship was a super good reminder ( i saw how much i hurt god with my actions) so.. praise god. i shalln't let god go! yay. *sudden inspiration*
uh yea. so thats my sharing (oohh long post!).
thank you LoG
thank you God
thank you FAMILY!
jes
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______________________________________________Today
Hello people. I haven blogged for a long long time. I deleted my own personal blog coz my friends at school were reading it and I just wanted that bit of privacy. But of course I will always share here. Today was some unglam day for me lol. I admit before mass I wasn't feeling very good already. I went to ado for a while and asked God for directions. I prayed for Him to help me decide whether I should continue with softball and or take up another CCA which is of my interests, as well as balancing all my commitments but yet putting Him as first priority. This became something I pray about every night. And mayb some of you know, I am not completely over the problems in school and its just haunting me night and day. Then ever since the time quite long ago where Poey shared that he foresee family problems and shared bout it, I became very concious bout spending more quality time with my family. I prayed for a solution. Because its really tough now with council work, match support almost every single day. My family sleeps at ten thirty latest so I actually just see them for an hour or so every day if i reach home at 9 plus. In the morning its just that half hour with my mum and sis before I go to school and resume my hectic lifestyle. I was feeling very upset in ado room about me not being able to attend weekday masses anymore. Even when I am free I really do not have the will to go down, excuse being too tired or too much work to do. But I find myself playing sometimes incessantly and whenever I pray before I sleep, I just rush it through because I am too sleepy already. I can play for hours but yet spend only 5 sleepy mins with God. I can't believe that I wrote God as my first most important person in my life. Feel so guilty. I prayed that I will return to God, be closer to him.
Mass was refreshing. Reminded me of what I prayed in ado room. Not just about obeying him that I didn't do, I didn't even have time to listen to his orders, how to obey? And only with listening to him, will I receive what I ask of Him. I just felt at that time that I am in no position to ask for anything actually, or even being frustrated in life. I lost him in this period of time when I became a councilor. Everything came back to me, whether I made the right decision, whether I should quit softball to free up time. To be truthful I really wanna join dance. :D lol but that aside there are a lot of decisions made but yet more to be made down this road. And truthfully I can't over that same girl I mentioned here a few months ago. Its May already, its taking really long and its like torture. A lot of thoughts were going through my mind, throat dry so i gave up singing lol. Afraid I zhao xia also.. heh. :p
Right after mass I went back into ado room to discern somemore, felt very troubled. But I was really happy to see everyone smiling in church. The community that is always there for me. Today i was supposed to bring a fren along but he suddenly want to do hw so didn't come. Slacker but I felt that I have the responsibility to bring him back to God. He's a catholic but only goes to church in Malaysia where his family is. But then I thought, how am i supposed to help others when I myself can't discern and can't obey? Its a conflict between my affection and God's will. I know everything bout God knowing the best for me, I just can't help myself at all. So okay, came session, first thing poey said bout writing 3 most important person on that piece of paper just shocked me. I never thought of it, I was just so tempted to write that girl's name cause its that real. But then i just dismissed it as something silly and of course God is there. Family was second. I wrote close frens which included a whole lot of people including LOG and my very good frens in school. Thanks poey and ricer, how apt to have a session on family on Mother's day. Then came the part where everyone shared bout wad their family means to them. Kris asked me several times whether I was ok. I was actually okay, just v stone coz i kept thinking bout everything thats happening in my life. Then came the part where everyone was laughing, I realised everyone can spend qutie a lot mroe time with their family compared to me. Otherwise there wouldn't be so much things to say bout what they do together. Then I though of what to say and I really couldn't say it. I would have said, family means seeing them for less than 15 hours in 5 days. How am I supposed to complete that sentence without bursting into tears? So in order to maintain glamness lol, i just kept quiet. Until Bel spoke and i saw her break down, every thing came back to me and I too collapsed and i just closed my eyes coz i know when i cry i look damn ugly lol. But nevertheless i tried to calm myself down. It was something i kept in my mind for ages but just didn't have the will to do it. Sharing came I just went to ado room to stone. Closed my eyes and almost fell asleep. Couldn't concentrate on talking to God, keep having random thoughts but I know I spent some part of it talking to Him. I could always feel this sense of calmness and comfort in the ado room. It just sinks into me and takes the sourness out of my mouth, the ache away from my heart. Tmr will be some mad day again. until late night rehearsal. Where's my life?
thanks log, thanks poey, thanks rice, thanks kris, thanks all who have been there and comforted me. :D
mark
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______________________________________________Monday, May 08, 2006
hello hello log.
never would i have expected that i could grow to love all of you so much when i joined. i really do. and thank you all for just being the way you are. because since all of us have been formed in God's image..we are nothing less then PERFECT the way we are. and i love you all!
well after session i felt the log love! and it's a wonderful feeling. i was so overwhelmed i cried. log love! (: well. but deep inside i still dreaded my pw meeting..although much less than before session. so alright i went for it with some renewed strength and with much more determination. TO LOVE. TO ACCEPT.
well i didn't have to try. God did it for me.
while the two of them were aruging like mad people..sometimes making no sense. me and the other girl sat there looking at each other and laughing at them. and at least i realised i wasn't the only one who thought some of the things said made no sense. and i just felt almost totally NOTirritable. and i was amused actually.
well then this guy told the other guy..i guess it got a little heated. something to this effect la... "it's your attitude...that's why you're so unpopular...last time CHS also like that..now in jc also unpopular." and then i was like oh shit. oh dear. then he looked so sad. he suddenly had nothing to say. so i was looking at him...so i asked him if he was alright. then the other one said "you ok or not" then he went on to say how we all love him for who he is. and i thought. wow. that came as a shocker. and so thus i can say..i can see God in them!
and so i have found out. don't try so damn bloody hard...and then get frustrated that you can't..because you know it. YOU KNOW THAT WE HUMANS ARE WEAK. so just keep persevering..keeping in mind..knowing that you have to LOVE..to ACCEPT..and learn to see God in people ..the most unexpected people...keep in mind..hold on to faith..TRUST. and then wahla! God does it for you..as if it was the easiest thing in the world.
can't say i trusted. but now i can tell you all to trust! [though it's hard] totally trusting Him. like a trust fall...fall totally into His hands...although they are so warm, comfy, ever there..with all the muscles tensed up waiting for us to fall...but sometimes we just don't. can't trust the things we can't see..because His hands are too far down? and we are the ones who have not yet seen and yet believe.
my pw people asked me yesterday.
"have you seen God?"
and i said yes.
of course i went on to say it was figuratively.
anyway they said "If i were to see God, i will believe."
and somehow..somewhere..inside..i cringed. for somehow..i knew. that one day they will see. one day they will believe.
and if it's up to me. then i'm gonna need a hell lot of help and strenth. but. everything in His time.
and TRUST!
(:
psalms 70:5
I am weak and poor;
come to me quickly, O God
You are my saviour and my Lord-
hurry to my aid!
rice
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______________________________________________Sunday, May 07, 2006
mirabel's first log blog post
thanks to bobby.
haha.
on behalf of mirabel, she says
"peek-a-boo! bel loves log! (:"
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______________________________________________hello log =)
my second post here, but unfortunately i have no time to say anything (taking a break from studying), except that i praise God for the gift of each and every one of you =)
p.s. i placed links to the LOG blog archives so we can all look back at what each of us has posted. they can be found under the tagboard. God bless =)
jonathan
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______________________________________________the blog needs pictures.
it died. so since all i can say it jes loves log.
here you go!
just acouple. didnt type everything out. no time. 2 tests tmr! :P
old log! (weird hair !)
last year lent.
ahhh look more normal now.
confi dinner thingamajig.
EAST COAST!
car wash.
lent2006
oh yes. the camps!
and who can forget the silly things in life?
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______________________________________________Thursday, May 04, 2006
hey log.
im screwed because it's like 1230 already and i know that i have a choice of sleeping now or later on in maths lect but im somehow not sleeping now. ohwell aside from that.
i really miss you ppl more than i can say it. it's like, i sensed we wouldnt be seeing much of each other like how we used to so much after the o's and stuff, and yeah i feel so far from all of you. i mean even being in cj where there are so many loggers somehow i just dont even have the time to catch up with them, let alone you all who i probably wouldnt even see unless it's sunday.
it's already may and the exams are coming up. or at least the ca's are piling up already. somehow im just scared thinking about what is to come in the 2nd half of the year. i mean, like during the o's, even though the stressload was hell and stuff, at least i knew what i was heading for for the rest of the year anyway. not now though, jc life is just so hectic..ive just finally been able to start balancing and sorting my life and i realise im already halfway through my first year already.
it's almost scary when i think about how much has happened to me already in this year alone. it has affected me more than anything else of the last 16 years of my life combined. yeah im scared. i dont even know what im doing sometimes nowadays, whats with how sudden my relationships with people around me change in a matter of months. but whatever it is, looking back on this past 5 months, things come and go so fast, you know. i mean..first three months and that supposedly slack period is long gone! and in this 5 months so damn much has happened to me and im sure to all of your lives. ive seen so much of God working through everyone around me. i seen new friends come and go so fast. suddenly im mugging again even after i havent taken a proper break from the trauma of the o's. im moving abit too fast into some friendships and stuff like that. everything around me seems so unstable still. well and except log. it's amazing you know, how at the end of the week when im so drained physically emotionally and spiritually i come back to church on sunday. and i see the people i started out my spiritual healing with after confirmation, and you all are still there. there's just something deeper to it that i cant describe in words. in cj morning masses and prayers and stuff, id always think of log when we sing hymns in the morning that i remember we always love to sing when there's a guitar lying somewhere around.
im stressed, yeah i know.
and im busy and caught up in life.
but i havent forgotten this blog!
haha.
yeah and i do think about you ppl often.
being too busy to see log during the weekdays makes me look forward to seeing you ppl all the more on sundays.
praise God for log.
love ya'll loads.
anne.