Monday, December 26, 2011
Hello everyone,
It was really nice seeing all of you at Christmas mass, and I am sorry I couldn't catch up more with you guys. I just really wanted to say thank you. I was expecting it to be awkward, and to be honest I was a little bit scared to step back into SFX after quite awhile. But I am really grateful that God led me there, despite me supposedly meant to be at another church. (I will explain in the next paragraph). I just really wanted to say thank you to all of you for being so welcoming even though I have drifted somewhat, and for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers all this while. I am truly grateful :)
I went to City Harvest twice, for those of you who know, the people I work with are from their dance ministry. I thought of giving City Harvest a try mainly because I was really drawn to the idea of using dance as a tool of serving God. I still am trying to find my place of ministry, that being what I've been trying to figure out for a long time now. As of now, I still do not know where God is leading me, so this is as far as I can share right now.
Hope everyone has had a very blessed Christmas :)
Love,
Rice
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Awaken!
I am not one to churn my thoughts into words. So I beg for one’s pardon if the words I have written seem incoherent.
The main lesson I took away from the Awaken Camp was, in the words of St. James, “ ...and someone will say: You have faith; I have deeds. Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. “
The words of scripture above cannot be read as such as I have put it. (For your reading pleasure, it comes from James 2) The lesson learnt is as such: faith without good works is nothing, and works without faith is just as dead.
For me, the Awaken experience could be considered a certain form of renewal. And perhaps I may boast that it did not affect considerably the way that I would lead my life; but only outwardly. This is because, from an external standpoint - the human standpoint, the life that I have been leading would not be considered bad in anyway. Many things that I do are not excessive; I am again proud to say that I do not think that I have committed any grievous sins; I pray and people have commented that I seem to be quite a good life!
Ah! But then you would say to yourself, “What a self-righteous fellow this person is!” And yes, you are perfectly correct to think and comment in such a manner. Through this camp, it has been brought more to my consciousness that I am a Pharisee. I am self-righteous, indignant and hypocritical. Who but a Pharisee can believe that he is better than another? And I believed that I was better! Again, not in outwardly things like looks (duh!) and grades, but of character and spirituality!
Alas, one can now connect the dots to St James’ words, albeit abruptly. St. James meant to say that if we have true faith, the faith that we could love as Jesus did, good works will follow. And we know that to be true. The love here being the love such that God gave his only son Jesus to die for us on the cross; the greatest love that a man can give for his friends is to die for them. Hence the faith here refers to and reveals the love that God has shown unto man. This real faith is one that will lead to good works being done for God’s glory.
That being said, how can good deeds without faith not be anything? For any man, we recognise that the capital sins are mostly extrinsic. Gluttony is the love for food; envy stems from comparison with others; lust, from the desire of pleasure. If we ponder carefully, we hence would realise that only the capital sin of pride is intrinsic. It is from within. Indeed, according to tradition, pride made the devil. It has also been widely considered that the sin of pride is the root for almost every other sin - it is the mother of all sins.
And for men to do good works without faith, or love, would results in the sin of pride. For he would be doing nothing for the glory of God, but only for the love of oneself. He becomes conceited, and perhaps a warped view of the world would result, as it has resulted in yours truly. The warped view that one is loved my God more than others; the stance that one is better than all others, and God’s favour rests upon him.
Through the camp’s experience, I have come to the concrete realisation that God loves all too much more than our puny human existence can even comprehend. God’s love is infinite and boundless. And timely enough this reminder has struck me as I undertake a role to lead my institution’s faith community.
I have to emphasize that this realisation did not just root itself my mind during this camp alone. I have been constantly aware of this particular fault of mine. However it was an arduous journey to find the strength to overcome this, especially when the cause of pride was a spiritual pride. But this camp did serve as a reminder and catalyst to ultimately find my catharsis.
As I recount my God experiences for the hope that people become inspired, it must be noted that I still lapse in my judgement. The only way to conquer spiritual pride is to believe and constantly remind oneself it is through the love of God that I am made whole.
My “awakening” or “renewal” or whatever you may call it, did not happen at any specific point during the camp. It is in retrospect that I acknowledge and appreciate the camp’s programme. Participating through the entire camp’s activities is crucial to have a wholesome understanding of the love of God - both in the mind and in the heart.
This camp is not very different from the other church camps one may have been to, in terms of structure. But I do have to add that this camp prepares oneself intensely to think and reflect on our past selves, so that we may be ready to receive and partake of God’s love that He meant for us. For it is not God that is denying us from His love when we sin, but rather it is ourselves that deny Him from loving us. Thus we expect the sacrament of reconciliation would have a part to play in this camp in preparing our journey to be reconciled with his boundless love once again.
Again, not to go into details, I recount my God experiences.
The following happened on Day 3:
... As the Father William began to make his rounds with the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed. I prayed for my heart to be open so that I would feel and experience God. As I looked towards the left where the priest was coming from, I closed my eyes and prayed. First normally, than in tongues. With my eyes closed, I heard a people coming around me to pray over me - some in tongues, some without. Then the darkness in my closed eyes turned a brilliant gold, and heat, so hot as if someone was putting a boiling kettle towards the face came. I moved back away from the heat from instinct, as I fell to the ground - painlessly and tearing.
Whilst on the ground, I prayed in tongues, a conscious tongues. But I still closed my eyes. I then decided, while still praying that I would get up. I opened my eyes, and tried to get up. But as if some invisible for was strapping me to the floor - I could not get up, for I felt too heavy and tired. I rested some more. After a few more minutes, could I then get up, although I was still feeling absolutely heavy. All this while I was still praying in tongues. I prayed till the Blessed Sacrament was kept...
Day 4:
... Again Father took out the Blessed Sacrament and placed it in the monstrance. We prostrated, and as I got up to kneel, while still eyes closed, I could see flames consuming my vision, coming in from the peripheral extremes. I could feel the heat from the flames upon my eyes. It was at this moment where my eyes filled with tears, and I cried, as my heart so filled with the dependence for God and His love.
Then as I felt His love, a thought came into my head to make me wonder whether what I had felt, would be comparable to others. I knew this was pride welling in me. Then I concentrated even harder on the Blessed Sacrament, saying out loud in my prayers, “Come Lord Jesus, Come Holy Spirit, I love You Lord Jesus.” This helped me to filter out those thoughts that began to enter, and as I recited those words.
I began to pray in tongues and once again, I rested in the spirit. My eyes again closed. My eyelids were twitching uncontrollably, as I felt the muscles in my eyes convulsing. It may be noted at this point that prior to this, I had prayed for healing on the eyes, as I was experiencing some strain in the eyes. It is no coincidence I believe that all these things happened to my eyes.
As that was happening, I could see whirls of gold flying around as my eyes were closed. If I recall correctly, what happened after that was a vision, in black and brilliant green of a scene of many people, dominions of them worshipping around a throne...
At this point, I think I have said enough about the experiences, because even though there were more, I believe that the other events were somehow very similar to what those mentioned above.
This camp once again renewed and revived my little faith. As I continue to struggle with my spiritual pride, it is deeply hoped that all who read this will intercede for me, and also be inspired that this God that we believe in, is a living God. He is real and He loves us.
I leave you a quote from St. Paul in this letter to the Galatians. In Galatians 2:20 it says: “ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
And it is hoped that all who are believers may have the grace and humility to let Christ live in their hearts as they live out their faith fervently and with an undying fire. Amen.
-Raphael
Thursday, December 15, 2011
a new direction
Thursday, December 08, 2011
St Bern's Fully Loaded :)
Monday, December 05, 2011
St Berns the trilogy
Hey log, I slept from 5pm to 2.30am after I got back from camp and so since I'm awake at this crazy hour I decided I shall be productive and pen down my thoughts on St Berns. For starters, I wasn't supposed to do St Berns cause I didn't sign up for it but melmel asked me to do session with him and somehow that also meant me doing a pnw slot.
st. bern's (too!)
Hi guys, just wanted to share a few of my reflections from the recently concluded St. Bern’s confirmation camp. On a whole the camp was amazing; it was really a different and new experience ministering to non-SFX youth who have not had a church camp before. Somehow, it felt refreshing. There weren’t any expectations or pre-conceived notions by the participants – we just went in to do our thing, and they responded with that childlike enthusiasm and interest. To them, it seemed as if everything was so new, so impactful, so amazing. It was really a blessed time to be able to see them having their own spiritual awakening, so praise God for all that He has done!
As for myself, I’ve been praying for faith and humility the past few weeks – I remember Fr. Brian saying that these were the two things the centurion had (“Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof…”), during his homily at weekday mass. Looking back, God did answer my prayers through my role as a facilitator during this time!
Faith has been something that I’ve taken for granted. It’s always been there, something that I never really had to think about. It wasn’t really tested in an extreme way as well, since life has been pretty smooth sailing for me. But recently (and unconsciously) that faith had been shaken somewhat. It’s was a long struggle during the month in which Gwen was sick and never seemed to recover – praying and interceding seemed to have no effect. I remember even desperately praying the rosary every night for a week. I guess it’s in these circumstances when you don’t have any answers that you can only depend on God, but at the same time your faith is affected in a subtle way.
And so I entered the camp with the realization that I was broken – and I had been too worried and preoccupied that I had forgotten about the state of myself. It was only when I was called upon to minister that I looked at myself in the mirror… and I’ve seen better days. There was this small seed of doubt that had been sowed into my heart, and I didn’t even realize it. This manifested in me struggling to believe that God was going to use me powerfully during the praying with session at night, and I felt heavy hearted and burdened as we had our spiritual preparation. But praise God for Mark Abraham’s sensitivity to the Spirit, and after the initial prep he invited the rest to pray over the facils who were struggling to believe in God’s victory.
To cut the long story short – yes God was faithful (He always is...), and it was through His grace that I was able to put his doubt aside and to speak His truth into the lives of the confirmants. The learning point for me (and I hope for you as well) is to never take this gift of faith for granted. Just as it is given, it can be taken away if we do not protect and nurture it. In my own words: don’t think you laojiao so can shake leg and relax!
This brings me to the next point, that of humility. Initially when Mark Abraham asked those facils who were struggling to move to the centre to be prayed over, I resisted. I didn’t want the rest to know I was struggling – after all I’m supposed to be the “strong” one, the group IC… there was this portion of my ego and pride not wanted to be bruised. But praise God for allowing other brothers and sisters to respond first, and this encouraged me to be humble enough to step forward as well.
This camp also humbled me as I recognized how God worked so powerfully through the service team. Gone are the old times in SFX where experience and age mattered. God does not look at appearances, but looks at the heart. I was (and still am) blown away and amazed by how God worked through the younger ones at camp. Greg, Andrew, Stephen etc… as someone said it is easy to forget that they were only confirmed 2 years ago. What God desires and looks out for is a willing, faithful, passionate heart, and with that He can do wonders. I experienced humility – I learnt and was inspired by those younger than me, those who have less experience in camps, those whom were supposedly “less spiritually mature”. It is humbling and yet at the same time a hopeful and joyous encounter, to see God raising up a younger, more passionate generation in His name. So once again, praise God!
Lastly, this camp reinforced very powerful truth. It is this – that young people desire God and want to know Him, and will respond passionately if they encounter Him. I’ve literally seen lives being changed in this camp. It’s even more pronounced because for majority of the youth at St. Bern’s this was their first encounter with God in their 15 years of living. I have seen their transformation with my very eyes; unbelievers turning to believers, doubters turning to faithful followers. Imagine that you didn’t know God existed, and suddenly you did – that was the impact it had on the youth.
To bring Christ to others we have to fully embrace this truth. Every person we meet, whether it is a non-Christian, a lapsed Catholic or even an Atheist, hungers for God. Especially so for youths, who are on the cusp of life and are searching for something worthwhile and lasting to base their lives upon. We need to be the ones to whisper the truth and reality of His love and presence into their lives. We need to be like John the Baptist, the voice that cries out in the wilderness of life. We need to be, leaven for God.
Love,
Soo.
Sunday, December 04, 2011
st bern's
it was good :D
many in e service team tot tt e camp wouldn't turn out well. at least not in e sense tt sfx camps usually are. perhaps cos i wasn't a facil, i just dint think much abt expectations. but when e night session came, i tot to myself: oh well tt's tt. but then e testimonies came after e night session. and wow. god rly moved i guess.
being in music this time was a diff experience. lol e spiral analogy rly fits here. i was in this exact same position last year - music + last session (w soo). also on 'a new beginning'. so yes. full circle. but one level higher. last year, i was quite sian being in music cos i felt v left out of e action. i missed e personal touch. this time, i just felt joyful everytime i played. lol and when i wasn't playing, i was prob too busy doing session or being tired to bother abt not being a facil. so being in music this time was a rly gd experience for me.
Thursday, December 01, 2011
to know, to love, to serve
I am spamming the logblog of late. It's an exam stress thing really, I am online almost every hour and this is the how I'm communicating with people living in the world outside my gate. And maybe cause I feel like I haven't seen some of you guys in a while.
This image came to me during triduum mass that Fr Gino preached at.
Why do we even celebrate our feast day? It's not that big a deal right? Every year we have this series of masses where we sing the 'make me a channel of your peace' and get free food in the canteen so that we can mingle with the others in church a little more but this year, maybe, just maybe, it may be more than that.
I was going to skip mass because I might feel bad not studying for my test tmr, but if anything throughout the years of balancing church and studies, skipping a possible study period for mass has never been unfruitful. I do feel like I am being a bit too reliant on God and not pulling my own weight (God-helps-those-who-help-themselves principle) but I get by. Come to think of it, I don't really understand why church is such a high priority in my list.
So going for mass, I sat with Anne and later Andrew popped out before entrance hymn. I haven't sat in a non choir seat for quite a while and oddly I kept looking at blond Jesus stain glass in front like he was right there and then when I looked at the new breaking bread book, he looks like he had red lipstick. I laughed.
In the homily, Fr Gino asked the exact question I was asked before mass, why do we celebrate feast day? "Two reasons," he said. Firstly, its like Mary, having a saint intercede for you, especially someone who has an affinity with you. I don't think we give enough recognition to who st francis is as a person. Or at least I feel like I don't really understand his spirituality but today was the first step into understanding what he went through. He didn't want to live this lifestyle, impoverished, doing the holy moley stuff. But God led him there, inspiring him with St Ignatius and St Francis' sister who had such great faith. This is a story I think many can identify with. My own journey started off like that. It was a journey I could never have imagined.
The second reason we have a patron saint, is to strive to imitate that saint. You know, living proof that being a child of God in this world is not impossible.
How that picture at the top came about was when Fr was talking about some rich girl who had many branded bags and what not and later on, she found an awesome brand, Jesus! She became a nun I think. The story is pretty straight forward. "better than the riches of this world"
A sort of revelation came to me during mass. You know kyla right? Day in, day out I watch her play and everyone just taking care of her. The amount of care and concern is just unbelievable really and today, it dawned on me. The love of a father.
I've always been bothered as to why we were made. Why we were brought into this world. Why make us out of love and let us go through all this pain. Then think, fast forward 15 years to a 30 something year old you, Why have a child? Why have a child, make them go through life, let them read about war, pornography, suicides and deaths?
Love is really something so immense and such a difficult concept to grasp that it just kind of hit me. When I think about it, the love is just so immense that it develops into the creation of something so beautiful, you and me. We were born out of love and showered with so much love. Like how Kyla walks about and even though she doesn't know it, someone is there watching her back, making sure she doesn't fall. And if she falls on her face and it turns a bright pink, it is 'sayanged' away.
Having a baby around just puts a bit of perspective into the concept of parental love and of course, God's love.
Ok I'm done ranting. A little all over the place but that's my sharing style.
Praying for you all, have a blessed week (:
love,
jes
Hello everyone,
It was really nice seeing all of you at Christmas mass, and I am sorry I couldn't catch up more with you guys. I just really wanted to say thank you. I was expecting it to be awkward, and to be honest I was a little bit scared to step back into SFX after quite awhile. But I am really grateful that God led me there, despite me supposedly meant to be at another church. (I will explain in the next paragraph). I just really wanted to say thank you to all of you for being so welcoming even though I have drifted somewhat, and for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers all this while. I am truly grateful :)
I went to City Harvest twice, for those of you who know, the people I work with are from their dance ministry. I thought of giving City Harvest a try mainly because I was really drawn to the idea of using dance as a tool of serving God. I still am trying to find my place of ministry, that being what I've been trying to figure out for a long time now. As of now, I still do not know where God is leading me, so this is as far as I can share right now.
Hope everyone has had a very blessed Christmas :)
Love,
Rice
1 Comments:
Hey Rice, O School is run by an arm of City Harvest if I am not wrong and funded in the beginning by the donations of their congregation. It is still a social enterprise and is there to do good.
Yet as a place for ministry, I would (unbiased-ly) say that City Harvest is not the place to be. I've heard unpleasant things from former attendees themselves. I'm certain you know that all forms of ministry are supplements to the Eucharist, yet this is one thing sorely lacking there.
To be really honest Rice, to find your place of ministry, you have to start serving first. Only from there can you discern, from looking at strengths and weaknesses while serving. The answer from God cannot pop out from somewhere, but reveals itself through our emotions when we are in the midst of serving.
Now I feel guilty not pushing the dance ministry in SFX because I left for exchange. But anyway, remember the fear (of meeting us or of awkwardness) is from the Devil!
-mark
By 
,
December 27, 2011 1:14 AM
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Awaken!
I am not one to churn my thoughts into words. So I beg for one’s pardon if the words I have written seem incoherent.
The main lesson I took away from the Awaken Camp was, in the words of St. James, “ ...and someone will say: You have faith; I have deeds. Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. “
The words of scripture above cannot be read as such as I have put it. (For your reading pleasure, it comes from James 2) The lesson learnt is as such: faith without good works is nothing, and works without faith is just as dead.
For me, the Awaken experience could be considered a certain form of renewal. And perhaps I may boast that it did not affect considerably the way that I would lead my life; but only outwardly. This is because, from an external standpoint - the human standpoint, the life that I have been leading would not be considered bad in anyway. Many things that I do are not excessive; I am again proud to say that I do not think that I have committed any grievous sins; I pray and people have commented that I seem to be quite a good life!
Ah! But then you would say to yourself, “What a self-righteous fellow this person is!” And yes, you are perfectly correct to think and comment in such a manner. Through this camp, it has been brought more to my consciousness that I am a Pharisee. I am self-righteous, indignant and hypocritical. Who but a Pharisee can believe that he is better than another? And I believed that I was better! Again, not in outwardly things like looks (duh!) and grades, but of character and spirituality!
Alas, one can now connect the dots to St James’ words, albeit abruptly. St. James meant to say that if we have true faith, the faith that we could love as Jesus did, good works will follow. And we know that to be true. The love here being the love such that God gave his only son Jesus to die for us on the cross; the greatest love that a man can give for his friends is to die for them. Hence the faith here refers to and reveals the love that God has shown unto man. This real faith is one that will lead to good works being done for God’s glory.
That being said, how can good deeds without faith not be anything? For any man, we recognise that the capital sins are mostly extrinsic. Gluttony is the love for food; envy stems from comparison with others; lust, from the desire of pleasure. If we ponder carefully, we hence would realise that only the capital sin of pride is intrinsic. It is from within. Indeed, according to tradition, pride made the devil. It has also been widely considered that the sin of pride is the root for almost every other sin - it is the mother of all sins.
And for men to do good works without faith, or love, would results in the sin of pride. For he would be doing nothing for the glory of God, but only for the love of oneself. He becomes conceited, and perhaps a warped view of the world would result, as it has resulted in yours truly. The warped view that one is loved my God more than others; the stance that one is better than all others, and God’s favour rests upon him.
Through the camp’s experience, I have come to the concrete realisation that God loves all too much more than our puny human existence can even comprehend. God’s love is infinite and boundless. And timely enough this reminder has struck me as I undertake a role to lead my institution’s faith community.
I have to emphasize that this realisation did not just root itself my mind during this camp alone. I have been constantly aware of this particular fault of mine. However it was an arduous journey to find the strength to overcome this, especially when the cause of pride was a spiritual pride. But this camp did serve as a reminder and catalyst to ultimately find my catharsis.
As I recount my God experiences for the hope that people become inspired, it must be noted that I still lapse in my judgement. The only way to conquer spiritual pride is to believe and constantly remind oneself it is through the love of God that I am made whole.
My “awakening” or “renewal” or whatever you may call it, did not happen at any specific point during the camp. It is in retrospect that I acknowledge and appreciate the camp’s programme. Participating through the entire camp’s activities is crucial to have a wholesome understanding of the love of God - both in the mind and in the heart.
This camp is not very different from the other church camps one may have been to, in terms of structure. But I do have to add that this camp prepares oneself intensely to think and reflect on our past selves, so that we may be ready to receive and partake of God’s love that He meant for us. For it is not God that is denying us from His love when we sin, but rather it is ourselves that deny Him from loving us. Thus we expect the sacrament of reconciliation would have a part to play in this camp in preparing our journey to be reconciled with his boundless love once again.
Again, not to go into details, I recount my God experiences.
The following happened on Day 3:
... As the Father William began to make his rounds with the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed. I prayed for my heart to be open so that I would feel and experience God. As I looked towards the left where the priest was coming from, I closed my eyes and prayed. First normally, than in tongues. With my eyes closed, I heard a people coming around me to pray over me - some in tongues, some without. Then the darkness in my closed eyes turned a brilliant gold, and heat, so hot as if someone was putting a boiling kettle towards the face came. I moved back away from the heat from instinct, as I fell to the ground - painlessly and tearing.
Whilst on the ground, I prayed in tongues, a conscious tongues. But I still closed my eyes. I then decided, while still praying that I would get up. I opened my eyes, and tried to get up. But as if some invisible for was strapping me to the floor - I could not get up, for I felt too heavy and tired. I rested some more. After a few more minutes, could I then get up, although I was still feeling absolutely heavy. All this while I was still praying in tongues. I prayed till the Blessed Sacrament was kept...
Day 4:
... Again Father took out the Blessed Sacrament and placed it in the monstrance. We prostrated, and as I got up to kneel, while still eyes closed, I could see flames consuming my vision, coming in from the peripheral extremes. I could feel the heat from the flames upon my eyes. It was at this moment where my eyes filled with tears, and I cried, as my heart so filled with the dependence for God and His love.
Then as I felt His love, a thought came into my head to make me wonder whether what I had felt, would be comparable to others. I knew this was pride welling in me. Then I concentrated even harder on the Blessed Sacrament, saying out loud in my prayers, “Come Lord Jesus, Come Holy Spirit, I love You Lord Jesus.” This helped me to filter out those thoughts that began to enter, and as I recited those words.
I began to pray in tongues and once again, I rested in the spirit. My eyes again closed. My eyelids were twitching uncontrollably, as I felt the muscles in my eyes convulsing. It may be noted at this point that prior to this, I had prayed for healing on the eyes, as I was experiencing some strain in the eyes. It is no coincidence I believe that all these things happened to my eyes.
As that was happening, I could see whirls of gold flying around as my eyes were closed. If I recall correctly, what happened after that was a vision, in black and brilliant green of a scene of many people, dominions of them worshipping around a throne...
At this point, I think I have said enough about the experiences, because even though there were more, I believe that the other events were somehow very similar to what those mentioned above.
This camp once again renewed and revived my little faith. As I continue to struggle with my spiritual pride, it is deeply hoped that all who read this will intercede for me, and also be inspired that this God that we believe in, is a living God. He is real and He loves us.
I leave you a quote from St. Paul in this letter to the Galatians. In Galatians 2:20 it says: “ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
And it is hoped that all who are believers may have the grace and humility to let Christ live in their hearts as they live out their faith fervently and with an undying fire. Amen.
-Raphael
1 Comments:
I'm guessing raphael wrote this? Thank you for your heartfelt sharing, for it being so honest! praise God for all the good he has worked in your life :)
By ,
December 22, 2011 8:01 AM
Thursday, December 15, 2011
a new direction
hello guys. for those who weren't here last session (and as a refresher for those who were), this is what happened.
the core presented a new direction that log will be heading towards over the upcoming year (and onwards, possibly) - 'COMMUNITY ON A MISSION'. essentially, what this entails is looking outwards, beyond sfx to do outreach and evangelize.
to give you a clearer idea, these are the examples of ideas that we brainstormed (i.e. without considering feasibility) last session:
- bring-a-friend event
- homeless shelter
- journeying w younger youths (mentoring)
- program for lapsed/non catholics
- workshops (p&w etc)
- school visits (CJ retreat in particular)
- followup after graduation from CSS
- write a book
- tuition/mentoring/life decision-making
there are three broad lines of discernment that led us to this direction:
1). we are stagnating - we have reached the point where looking inwards is no longer enough.
- we have been building up towards this direction. we started with throwing the idea around of doing camp ministry. it was next followed up with mission&vision, where we agreed that it is crucial that the missionary/evangelistic element be present. now's e time to put talk into action.
- we are stable enough as a community. of course, we'll never be fully without problems. but this is where the idea of being a 'wounded healer' takes root. we can minister to others even in our state of woundedness.
2). common purpose
- unity can be forged by striving towards a common goal or embarking on a common project together. shared experience, working together, doing things as a community - these are what bring ppl together. we are hoping that this new direction can also foster a greater sense of unity within the community.
- events also provide an opportunity for us to call back ppl who have been on the fringes. participation can lead to involvement, to ownership, then to commitment. it is a refreshing opportunity to try a different approach to what we've been doing.
3). followup to gift discernment
- the best way to discern and nurture our gifts is to actually use them. this direction provides ample opportunity for us to exercise our gifts in building god's kingdom, in a way that normal sessions cannot.
this is the plan for now:
***LOG RETREAT WILL BE HELD ON 10-12 FEB!!!! The retreat will be both a time for us to be community and also to prepare for embarking on this new direction.
from now till then, we have 7 sessions. these 7 sessions will be used to foster our evangelical zeal. we'll be having sessions about evangelism and invite ppl from MSC etc to share about their own experiences in outreaches.
everything is still in the pipelines. we have no concrete plans/projects yet. the core will meet and pray tgt frequently over this period to prepare to make the necessary decisions. so pls pray for e core as we discern e decisions tt we hv to make. we have noted e following concerns (tt were raised in e last session):
- we should not be degenerating into 'spiritual tourism'; or a 'try smth new every week' kind of thing
- must take into account ppl on e fringes and how we can continue to involve them
- projects must involve and nurture everyone (not just a few ppl spearheading e project w other ppl getting left out)
- outreach in e form of events vs journeying
- YMC calendar for 2012 is packed; we don't wanna overtax ourselves
- must set boundaries of who is our target audience
ON YOUR PART, we need help with two things:
(1) continue to brainstorm for ideas/projects tt y'all are interested to do as a form of outreach/evangelism. build on each other's ideas. don't need to worry too much abt practicality first. i'll be keeping tab on e ideas tt we've come up with so just keep 'em coming~
(2) raise any other concerns tt yall feel tt we have to take note.
(3) commit yourselves to this endeavour as it is a community effort, not core's; this means coming down for sessions, challenging yourself, and to keep praying for the community to grow!
and tt's pretty much it =)
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______________________________________________Thursday, December 08, 2011
St Bern's Fully Loaded :)
Hello Loggers,
Yes! I am here to talk about Saint Bern’s too. As you know from the posts below explains clearly that St Bern’s was really an awesome experience for the whole service team and the people who experienced it. God worked in my life quite a bit during this camp. Okay background information, before St. Bern’s Camp I was really struggling with God, my SOW relationship with God was lost. During SOW and after it I had a really intimate relationship with God but during November as I reflected I didn’t know where that relationship faded into. I struggled to see God in my life; I felt God wasn’t alive in my life anymore. Totally sad.
Anyway, when camp group list came out I was my group’s IC and this is maybe my second time being camp IC. The last time I was camp IC it was with 2 experienced people but this time I was camp IC with one person who has never been a facil and someone with not very much experience either. I was too busy with assignments and essays till the week before camp till I realized “Shit I am not prepared for this”. I was desperate to prepare myself during the last week so I tried to go for daily mass every day. I knew that I had to make an honest and good confession too. On Wednesday, I ended school at 11 and I rushed to Novena Church before lunch time mass to go for confession. I rushed there to beat time and I reached there at 11:30 with at least 8 people already queuing up and confession hasn’t even begun and I thought to myself “Nooo! This cannot be happening!!” then I just stood in the line waiting. Then it struck me that I wanted to go for confession because I had to rather then I needed too. I also knew that I wasn’t in the right disposition. So I decided to get out of the queue, sat down on a pew, took out my phone and searched for an examination of conscience. Then as I read the examination of conscience, I realized the sinner I was and the mercy I needed from God. After about 10 minutes of journaling, I got back to the queue which was even longer and the priest had finally arrived and I doubted if I could make it but I just stood there anyway reflecting. As the queue got shorter, fear arose in my heart. I feared the priest will scold me or judge me but I just told the God I am going to go in trusting that he is the only one present in that confessional. I made it in and it was one of my best confessions so that was really good. I also fasted for the camp in school this time, and when I saw my friends eating I told God I wanted to eat but I will sacrifice the hunger as the hunger the participants will have for him during the camp. Hence, this is the preparation period and I felt I entered camp prepared “OK” but still fearful.
The camp itself was a little scary. My group suddenly had an extra guy as I entered camp and that meant more work for me and my co-facil and if there was any problematic guy I would have to handle him and I was just scared. But somehow, God made me fit with my group pretty well and it was pretty good. The first night we had our first proper session which was about “Our identity”. In that session, Celine the session presenter decided that we will have a time of ministering and like as I prayed silently with the first 2 participants and I didn’t sense anything but the last person the guy whom I was not going to do touch time with because me and my co-facil divided 2 guys each and he wasn’t under me had to be the one I had to sense something and it was this burden and hurt and I felt afraid again after feeling it. Then again, God challenged me to reach out to him so I took over him and yeah God did work so I praise God J
Last paragraph already! Thank you for reaching this point. So second day I was supposed to do testimony for Jude’s session but my brother overshot his time and forgot my testimony so I was like okay I don’t have to do testimony. I just enjoyed games which were after his session. Thereafter we had recon session and this time I sat inside and throughout the whole session I decided to pray with my SOW cross and rosary so I just prayed and sang along with the songs. I saw God move gently and I was quite happy. Here is where the devil doesn’t want me to be pleased with God and has to test me. The boy I mentioned above came back from confession and he was super closed, moody and a little angry. I told God”Why??????” and my hope sank. Then we were going to have night session that night and my brother and Michelle come up to me and say that they are putting my testimony at night session and I agreed but with fear crippling me in my heart. Testimony for night session where participants have never encountered God was scary to me. I just decided to flow with the spirit. We had spiritual preparation for the facils and I was so tired I told God I needed strength and he filled me with strength but I was still doubtful that God was going to work anything that night; I thought that they are not opened enough. Long story short, testimony went okay I guess and night session went amazingly well. When I heard the testimonies, I felt God dancing in my heart telling me he just stepped on all my doubts and proved me wrong. That night, I was affirmed that for God truly anything is possible and that he is an extremely faithful God.
I end of with the phrase which I relate to for this camp! “I Stand in Awe of Jesus” and something my brother shared that night which I will cling onto for the rest of my life.
“Since you have said that “Yes” to Jesus today, you are his property now and he has this seal on you. From now you are his, and he will guard you with his life” Brother Jude David
Jesus Loves You Outrageously,
Greg
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______________________________________________Monday, December 05, 2011
St Berns the trilogy
Hey log, I slept from 5pm to 2.30am after I got back from camp and so since I'm awake at this crazy hour I decided I shall be productive and pen down my thoughts on St Berns. For starters, I wasn't supposed to do St Berns cause I didn't sign up for it but melmel asked me to do session with him and somehow that also meant me doing a pnw slot.
For me I think St Berns has been a unique camp experience, it's the first camp that I had to do a session and pnw. It's also the first one that I had to stay for only one particular session. The whole period of preparation leading up to camp was also quite new for me cause I didn't have to go for all the spiritual preps and didn't quite undergo the same level of preparation for the camp as the rest of the service team. A lot of it came down to me finding those moments by myself where I could pray about things, though in the end it still resulted me being my usual self and procrastinating till the very last min on saturday night just before our session but more on that later.
I think the focus the experience for me has been very much a struggle with fear. I found it so hard to fully surrender myself to the Lord's graces. I found it so hard to be able to speak the words and do the things that He asked me to do. I found it so difficult to just step out of what I found comfortable. Too often I found myself asking for courage above all things, courage to stare down my fears which were not of Him and drive them back. Even though I only came for pretty much 1 night and 1 morning of camp I've had a lot of God experiences that are worth sharing but I'd like to share one in particular which only had 2 mortal witnesses.
Back to the time that melmel and I were preparing for session, I had just come back to camp after a family dinner and was feeling very out of place and out of sync after everyone had gone through praying over. I was fortunate enough to manage to hear their beautiful testimonies for myself but still I felt so disconnected with God. During debrief I started feeling very troubled, I started to sink into my own fears and I suddenly had this disturbing vision of me like resting next to a wall with my wrists cut and there was blood everywhere. After debrief I went to the prayer room to try and sort things out, I was very troubled and afraid. When I went into the prayer room the blessed sacrament was already kept and was lit by only one candle. I decided not to turn on the lights and just try and sit in the quiet darkness. I focused on the light of the candle and how it illuminated the room and the cross above it. I was feeling better and I closed my eyes then suddenly the candle just went out. I was very spooked and just rushed out of the prayer room.
I came down to find mel to plan session but I was just paralyzed by fear and I kept reading my notes again and again about session but nothing was going into my head. I couldn't think properly and my thoughts weren't coming together at all. So I was just like stuck there and so frustrated with myself. Mel saw that I wasn't all that fine and so he asked if I was ok and I shared with him what happened earlier. With me being so distressed we ended up back at the prayer room to try and sort things out again. This time with all the lights on and two candles lit. And so we both prayed. I don't know how long we spent in that prayer room but for me it felt like an eternity. I was trying to fight back my fears but in the end I just surrendered to God. I can't remember now what I told God during that time and I don't think it really mattered cause He just took over and washed away my fears. All this while mel was beside me praying too. We left the prayer room and I felt much better about things though I was probably a bit shaken but the fear had left me and God was there. Thus began the long night of planning for session starting at probably 12 midnight till about 3 in the morning...
I originally thought about leaving this be but I feel that this is something that has to be said for it is truly a testimony of how God has been faithful. Worship went erh ok ish (that's a whole other story haha) and session went well also. Truly God overcame all the odds and triumphed over all the fears that I had. It is also a testimony to the strength of community and really if mel wasn't there I wouldn't know what to do. I'm still thinking of that night and I keep wondering if that was some spiritual attack or just a manifestation of my fears but I feel that it doesn't really matter anymore for God has won the great victory.
Very often we find it hard to trust in God but really I think there is nothing to fear if we do for He is indeed faithful.
Love,
Andrew
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______________________________________________st. bern's (too!)
Hi guys, just wanted to share a few of my reflections from the recently concluded St. Bern’s confirmation camp. On a whole the camp was amazing; it was really a different and new experience ministering to non-SFX youth who have not had a church camp before. Somehow, it felt refreshing. There weren’t any expectations or pre-conceived notions by the participants – we just went in to do our thing, and they responded with that childlike enthusiasm and interest. To them, it seemed as if everything was so new, so impactful, so amazing. It was really a blessed time to be able to see them having their own spiritual awakening, so praise God for all that He has done!
As for myself, I’ve been praying for faith and humility the past few weeks – I remember Fr. Brian saying that these were the two things the centurion had (“Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof…”), during his homily at weekday mass. Looking back, God did answer my prayers through my role as a facilitator during this time!
Faith has been something that I’ve taken for granted. It’s always been there, something that I never really had to think about. It wasn’t really tested in an extreme way as well, since life has been pretty smooth sailing for me. But recently (and unconsciously) that faith had been shaken somewhat. It’s was a long struggle during the month in which Gwen was sick and never seemed to recover – praying and interceding seemed to have no effect. I remember even desperately praying the rosary every night for a week. I guess it’s in these circumstances when you don’t have any answers that you can only depend on God, but at the same time your faith is affected in a subtle way.
And so I entered the camp with the realization that I was broken – and I had been too worried and preoccupied that I had forgotten about the state of myself. It was only when I was called upon to minister that I looked at myself in the mirror… and I’ve seen better days. There was this small seed of doubt that had been sowed into my heart, and I didn’t even realize it. This manifested in me struggling to believe that God was going to use me powerfully during the praying with session at night, and I felt heavy hearted and burdened as we had our spiritual preparation. But praise God for Mark Abraham’s sensitivity to the Spirit, and after the initial prep he invited the rest to pray over the facils who were struggling to believe in God’s victory.
To cut the long story short – yes God was faithful (He always is...), and it was through His grace that I was able to put his doubt aside and to speak His truth into the lives of the confirmants. The learning point for me (and I hope for you as well) is to never take this gift of faith for granted. Just as it is given, it can be taken away if we do not protect and nurture it. In my own words: don’t think you laojiao so can shake leg and relax!
This brings me to the next point, that of humility. Initially when Mark Abraham asked those facils who were struggling to move to the centre to be prayed over, I resisted. I didn’t want the rest to know I was struggling – after all I’m supposed to be the “strong” one, the group IC… there was this portion of my ego and pride not wanted to be bruised. But praise God for allowing other brothers and sisters to respond first, and this encouraged me to be humble enough to step forward as well.
This camp also humbled me as I recognized how God worked so powerfully through the service team. Gone are the old times in SFX where experience and age mattered. God does not look at appearances, but looks at the heart. I was (and still am) blown away and amazed by how God worked through the younger ones at camp. Greg, Andrew, Stephen etc… as someone said it is easy to forget that they were only confirmed 2 years ago. What God desires and looks out for is a willing, faithful, passionate heart, and with that He can do wonders. I experienced humility – I learnt and was inspired by those younger than me, those who have less experience in camps, those whom were supposedly “less spiritually mature”. It is humbling and yet at the same time a hopeful and joyous encounter, to see God raising up a younger, more passionate generation in His name. So once again, praise God!
Lastly, this camp reinforced very powerful truth. It is this – that young people desire God and want to know Him, and will respond passionately if they encounter Him. I’ve literally seen lives being changed in this camp. It’s even more pronounced because for majority of the youth at St. Bern’s this was their first encounter with God in their 15 years of living. I have seen their transformation with my very eyes; unbelievers turning to believers, doubters turning to faithful followers. Imagine that you didn’t know God existed, and suddenly you did – that was the impact it had on the youth.
To bring Christ to others we have to fully embrace this truth. Every person we meet, whether it is a non-Christian, a lapsed Catholic or even an Atheist, hungers for God. Especially so for youths, who are on the cusp of life and are searching for something worthwhile and lasting to base their lives upon. We need to be the ones to whisper the truth and reality of His love and presence into their lives. We need to be like John the Baptist, the voice that cries out in the wilderness of life. We need to be, leaven for God.
Love,
Soo.
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______________________________________________Sunday, December 04, 2011
st bern's
it was good :D
many in e service team tot tt e camp wouldn't turn out well. at least not in e sense tt sfx camps usually are. perhaps cos i wasn't a facil, i just dint think much abt expectations. but when e night session came, i tot to myself: oh well tt's tt. but then e testimonies came after e night session. and wow. god rly moved i guess.
being in music this time was a diff experience. lol e spiral analogy rly fits here. i was in this exact same position last year - music + last session (w soo). also on 'a new beginning'. so yes. full circle. but one level higher. last year, i was quite sian being in music cos i felt v left out of e action. i missed e personal touch. this time, i just felt joyful everytime i played. lol and when i wasn't playing, i was prob too busy doing session or being tired to bother abt not being a facil. so being in music this time was a rly gd experience for me.
as for session, last year, i did w soo. which is lol quite comfort zone. this time, i did session w tsui. so it was mentoring on top of doing session. i tot i was bad for gg to camp on fri completely unprepared and deciding to do up e session slides in camp itself. tsui, that champion, followed in my footsteps. just tt he came on sat night instead on fri morning~ so lol we stayed up till almost 3 to complete slides. but yea it all worked out in e end =) praise god. tsui's morning worship, which consisted of 4 lines on his atas (ahem) moleskin notebook (i.e. the name of the songs he used, which he decided 2 min before e worship began), also received much affirmation.
i publicly declare all this so tt we can add to e pool of ppl we can arrow (core take note pls) to lead worship and do sessions :D tsui claims he has finished discerning and nurturing his gifts. i told him great. now he can fully exercise them then to build god's kingdom :D
doing last session is srsly a bitch tho~ throughout e camp i just kept mulling and editing and ugh. aft doing so many sessions, u'd think it gets easier. but each time is still as grueling and as time consuming. each time i feel just as nervous. tho delivery-wise i think i was a lot calmer. prob cos i was running on adrenaline. no energy to waste on anxiety lol.
doing last session is srsly a bitch tho~ throughout e camp i just kept mulling and editing and ugh. aft doing so many sessions, u'd think it gets easier. but each time is still as grueling and as time consuming. each time i feel just as nervous. tho delivery-wise i think i was a lot calmer. prob cos i was running on adrenaline. no energy to waste on anxiety lol.
mm last thing. soo mentioned alrdy. but just rly wanna thank those who came down again to support us in intercession. it's rly affirming and inspiring to see yall here even tho yall are not involved in camp; esp when e session tt we're doing is on community. loglove <3
mel
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______________________________________________Thursday, December 01, 2011
to know, to love, to serve
This image came to me during triduum mass that Fr Gino preached at.
Why do we even celebrate our feast day? It's not that big a deal right? Every year we have this series of masses where we sing the 'make me a channel of your peace' and get free food in the canteen so that we can mingle with the others in church a little more but this year, maybe, just maybe, it may be more than that.
I was going to skip mass because I might feel bad not studying for my test tmr, but if anything throughout the years of balancing church and studies, skipping a possible study period for mass has never been unfruitful. I do feel like I am being a bit too reliant on God and not pulling my own weight (God-helps-those-who-help-themselves principle) but I get by. Come to think of it, I don't really understand why church is such a high priority in my list.
So going for mass, I sat with Anne and later Andrew popped out before entrance hymn. I haven't sat in a non choir seat for quite a while and oddly I kept looking at blond Jesus stain glass in front like he was right there and then when I looked at the new breaking bread book, he looks like he had red lipstick. I laughed.
In the homily, Fr Gino asked the exact question I was asked before mass, why do we celebrate feast day? "Two reasons," he said. Firstly, its like Mary, having a saint intercede for you, especially someone who has an affinity with you. I don't think we give enough recognition to who st francis is as a person. Or at least I feel like I don't really understand his spirituality but today was the first step into understanding what he went through. He didn't want to live this lifestyle, impoverished, doing the holy moley stuff. But God led him there, inspiring him with St Ignatius and St Francis' sister who had such great faith. This is a story I think many can identify with. My own journey started off like that. It was a journey I could never have imagined.
The second reason we have a patron saint, is to strive to imitate that saint. You know, living proof that being a child of God in this world is not impossible.
How that picture at the top came about was when Fr was talking about some rich girl who had many branded bags and what not and later on, she found an awesome brand, Jesus! She became a nun I think. The story is pretty straight forward. "better than the riches of this world"
A sort of revelation came to me during mass. You know kyla right? Day in, day out I watch her play and everyone just taking care of her. The amount of care and concern is just unbelievable really and today, it dawned on me. The love of a father.
I've always been bothered as to why we were made. Why we were brought into this world. Why make us out of love and let us go through all this pain. Then think, fast forward 15 years to a 30 something year old you, Why have a child? Why have a child, make them go through life, let them read about war, pornography, suicides and deaths?
Love is really something so immense and such a difficult concept to grasp that it just kind of hit me. When I think about it, the love is just so immense that it develops into the creation of something so beautiful, you and me. We were born out of love and showered with so much love. Like how Kyla walks about and even though she doesn't know it, someone is there watching her back, making sure she doesn't fall. And if she falls on her face and it turns a bright pink, it is 'sayanged' away.
Having a baby around just puts a bit of perspective into the concept of parental love and of course, God's love.
Ok I'm done ranting. A little all over the place but that's my sharing style.
Praying for you all, have a blessed week (:
love,
jes
3 Comments:
exam stress..?
dom
By ,
December 01, 2011 12:22 AM
like :D
By ,
December 01, 2011 7:48 AM
what's with the massive amount of space?! yea, exams means feeling obligated to study, means staying at home, means using the com, means blogging a lot more because I need my daily dose of ranting to people.
By 
jes,
December 01, 2011 10:26 AM