Wednesday, September 28, 2011
NEW TEMPLATE
Lots of little bits in the template I have yet to fix but it's functional la.
I'm not sure how it works on your com but the sidebar should be able to collapse into 4 black bars and shouldn't extend all the way to the bottom (on chiuming's it did :\)
Anything that doesnt function let me know. this template works best on google chrome though i dont know why that matters. :\
NOW CAN PUT TITLE. AWESOME. and the usual info is on the right. birthdays as well as our shiny new vision/mission. :D
On a relatively separate note, I feel the need for something logo-ish and a new log shirt so maybe after this week (got big meeting on friday for fyp) i'll put a bit more thought into it.
Hope you guys are studying your asses off (EXCEPT NTU. WOO!) and not on lol or something! (HM.) jiayou and good luck for all your papers! (: Remeber to pray for this weeks intentions!
cheers!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
SAMESAME BUT DIFFERENT
new blog template!
Monday, September 26, 2011
so yesterday, i attended only my second english mass here. previous sundays were spent oversleeping and being nice by waiting for friends who overslept :/ hur. went to sogang university for 7.30pm mass. i just wanted to go for a night mass cos i knew i'll be up all sat night and there's no way i'll make it at 9am. just turns out the university was founded by jesuits :D was a much much homier, warmer, smaller place than myeong-dong, and you can actually hear the homily. hur. (myeong-dong was way too echoey) and it was amazing cos they sang all the mass parts we learnt at st. ig's for the wyd commissioning mass. plus, they use breaking bread! they was even random leaflets of 'come, now is the time to worship' :D so when, the bulletin mentioned they need people for choir/lector, guess whattt... hahah. yea, see how next week goes. anyways, the korean priest yday was a stand-in, and although some of his sentences werent perfect, i could totally understand what he was trying to get at. yday's gospel was of the two sons, one said 'no, i wont' but did what his father told him to, the other said 'yes, okay' but didnt do it. so the homily was about the father's will/ discernment/ vocation. and this is smtg i've been thinking about since i arrived here. about what is the next step in life.
he said, we must first question what is our motivation. and he listed 3 'dimensions': 1) duty, 2) compassion (i think tt's what he said, his pronunciation was weird), and 3) love. and he went on to elaborate each dimension. the best is of course to achieve the 3rd dimension of love.
and this is my own interpretation and input: sometimes, we do all the right things, but never question why we do it. if we are motivated by duty or compassion, we can say 'yes, okay', we can even do all the right things, but as christians, we are all called to live ultimately and absolutely in love. if we have love, even if we say 'no, i wont', the love will compel us to act according to the father's will. hence, it is very impt to question motives. i hope this helped for pple who're discerning. or not, just smtg to think about :))
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts
In the past 7 years, I have never felt like I was not part of the community. When we are happy, we give a group hug and smile and sing more. When we are down, we poke each other and ask what is wrong, and if we dare not do that we ask others or pray over silently. When we are tired, others step in and help lift the burden. When we are burdened, we share the burden and God gives us rest. Regardless of time or the number of people, someone has always been there for me and that someone( or 'someones') is what I'd like to think as God personified. God is always there. I don't think I could ever ask for a better community experience.
With the realization of how many of my friendships aren't where they should be in community and outside, I can't help but feel the need to do something. To be in constant communication with everyone. That is the ideal. But God gives strength.
Sure, people are different, people want different things in life, I have things you don't have and you have experiences I don't have, we all do live in our own private world and we can choose to live life that way. But at the end of the day, only one thing is needed, the desire to share (but as a catholic community it's not just that, it's the desire to share God. )
"Diversity is a source of richness. It is the expression of one and the same spirit which enkindles in our hearts a variety of flames... an experience of family."
My issues are my issues and you can't do much to really help me or make my choices for me. But more often than not, we get lost in our thoughts, in our own world, on a slippery slope to doom. Sometimes, some things only start to make sense in the context of friendship. Like how, with God, all things are possible. Being vulnerable and sacrificing oneself (our need to look strong), that is love, and community is love. (i forgot who said this) I don't know about you but I know that when I die to myself, my own desires and wants, I feel peace and freedom, I really do, like this is what I was called to do.
"Faith ought to be my personal and most free conviction; it must be experienced in the innermost part of my existence. But this existence is found only in community and in society"
You know that extra bit that comes out from working as a team? Group synergy is what they term it in business school, that extra bit to me is Faith, faith in God and faith in one another. (though in log, it's just termed as loglove)
"Friendship which is born out of faith has to do with being able to respect one another, treating one another with sincerity, accepting one another with compassion and communicating with ease and joy"
In Spain, it was difficult to really be community sometimes, stepping on each other's toes and accumulated sleep deprivation, but we all had that desire and I believe that the friendship we had(born out of faith) was strong enough to pull through the storm we went through. When we met each other after 1 week or when we were all dying of exhaustion, we sat down and shared because we knew we needed to. I hardly remember what anyone said but that conviction to share touched me.
Picture this. We are all lost, walking around aimlessly in a desert, tired, quiet, solemn, sad.. but if we all came together, imagine how we will all be. Will we just gather round in a circle and sulk and complain? or will we get up, and play some ninja? :D
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Hi from Manchester! I just came back from dinner with almost 100 Singaporeans in Chinatown. I was happy to meet so many people but I think I returned more sad than before. The meal was pretty nice, made some new friends and had good conversations. Thereafter, we adjourned to a KTV cum club next door. and so I decided to follow the group as I was itching for some Karaoke. However, when we reached, me and another two friends gawked at the price we had to pay per person. The rooms had a spending minimum of 288 pounds, split probably between 10ish people, making it a good 40SGD for drinks and karaoke. The other two were not prepared to spend, neither was I, although I did consider. But when I realised they were really going to party hard, I decided to leave as well. (sidetrack): the cute girl that I showed Soo, who joined me and others for dinner a few days back, joined too. boo =( We walked back from Chinatown to our accommodation which was 30mins walk away. The three of us (one girl and two guys) talked a lot about the lifestyle here - the partying, the clubs, the drinking - I just feel quite out of place, likewise for the two of them as well. Along the way, there were queues to enter clubs, vomit on the pavements (at 10pm mind you), girls with ridiculously short skirts and just so many young people ready to party. But here we are, three Singaporeans walking back to our accommodation. Perhaps I've taken the place of someone else who would fit in better here? But I am glad I came for exchange here with like minded people like me - exchange will be travelling, cooking, being independent and not so much clubbing. It was much better when I came back to my flat and found my Chinese friends still here talking. Joining in their conversation about how they enjoyed the party last night was much better for me. They left at 11pm, so they probably didn't see much crazy stuff so I guess its pretty decent. I'm guessing back in China, they don't get much chance to let go too. Its funny how I feel so much more comfortable with them. But my greatest sadness didn't come from me being such a misfit here in Manchester, I feel sorrowful... I attended the feast of Our Lady of Sorrow here in Manchester on the day I arrived and I was so happy to have done so. I first came across the statue on the pilgrimage in Los Arcos if I remember correctly. (see it here - http://tinyurl.com/6jfcrby) As I looked at the statue, Our Lady's eyes stared into me and seemingly stared into my soul. At that moment, I felt like crying and I kept telling Shaun Liu that the statue looked so sorrowful and I feel like I can feel it too. Then I saw it again on my travels and realize that whenever I keep silent in front of it, it isn't peace I feel but sorrow. I assumed that the sorrow Our Lady felt was for the world, for sinners but on the feast celebration in Manchester, the priest preached about it more. (picture of it in the Parish of the Holy Name of Jesus in Manchester - http://tinyurl.com/6dzr4tq) Here you see Mother Mary holding the body of Jesus and is visibly very sad about the death of her son - how He had been insulted, unjustly accused, tortured and died. Yet, with her Immaculate Heart, Our Lady is also sorrowful for the people and the sins that Jesus had taken upon himself; she was feeling the sorrow for Christ's body - the Church. Our Lady, though human, has become one with Jesus in feeling the sorrow for the people here on earth. I think I need to praise God for giving me this ability to feel that sorrow as well but I also feel that it is really quite heavy a feeling sometimes. I find myself constantly asking the question of so what happened to Christianity here? Well, even though there are many Christian denominations and also the Catholic chaplaincy which set up booths on the main street alongside people advertising for clubs, the faith and the Church is very much absent here. My next question would be, so when will these people find the Truth? Does it really require something big to happen to shake people out of the confusion? My conclusion was that, faith requires an open heart and really, I think this is in God's hands. I decided to write this post instead of many other sharing that I have conceptualized about my travels but this one bothered me so much tonight so I wish to share it first! On a separate note, I'm settling in pretty well. Quite sure I will find some other form of entertainment around here! And lastly, I would like to leave the community with a few questions. Do we feel that sorrow? Do we concern ourselves with the happenings of the universal Church?
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Eventually I did it, I'm not sure how but it felt easy, as easy as walking up 2 steps and I sat. I stayed there for as long as I could to just calm myself down and because I daren't jump down. It was rather high.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
church
guys, just wanna thank u all for responding so immediately and effectively to sunday's canteen. it's rly affirming to know that when crunch time hits, everyone rallies together to support one another. it's a testament to all of ur commitment to community, that we can pull of such a decent canteen at such a last minute.
Monday, September 05, 2011
My Own Thoughts about YMC
Having core and all run off to discernment over the weekend has made me think. So let me just share some of my thoughts.
When it comes down to it. It's YMC - Youth MINISTRY Council. The latter 2 words just refer to work. In a large sense, that's what I feel YMC is - Work. There is no emotional attachment to it, just a sense of responsibility bothering the few people who care.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
a reiteration: don't let your mind nag you, i.e. don't spin the same thoughts & emotions over & over again.
NEW TEMPLATE
Lots of little bits in the template I have yet to fix but it's functional la.
I'm not sure how it works on your com but the sidebar should be able to collapse into 4 black bars and shouldn't extend all the way to the bottom (on chiuming's it did :\)
Anything that doesnt function let me know. this template works best on google chrome though i dont know why that matters. :\
NOW CAN PUT TITLE. AWESOME. and the usual info is on the right. birthdays as well as our shiny new vision/mission. :D
On a relatively separate note, I feel the need for something logo-ish and a new log shirt so maybe after this week (got big meeting on friday for fyp) i'll put a bit more thought into it.
Hope you guys are studying your asses off (EXCEPT NTU. WOO!) and not on lol or something! (HM.) jiayou and good luck for all your papers! (: Remeber to pray for this weeks intentions!
cheers!
3 Comments:
We can have a tree in a certain season, when we get bored. We can make another with a different season.
By 
T.SwEE,
September 28, 2011 10:57 AM
the shirt?
By jes,
September 28, 2011 11:11 AM
von:
see! lucky i screwed up previous template. now got new template hahahahah. oh yea, jes, need to update blog links. liver and soo got tumblrs now, mel on wordpress and joan has a secret one. lol.
By 
,
September 29, 2011 7:24 PM
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
SAMESAME BUT DIFFERENT
new blog template!
-jes
0 Comments:
______________________________________________
Hi
guys poey here. I'm a bit confused about the new Blogger layout!
I
haven't been around quite a lot, so this is kinda an update/sharing of whats
happening with me at the mo. I haven't been around alot the past few Sundays
because of my overseas CSP project that i'm organizing for fides for the end of
the year, and its something i haven't really told you guys about! sadly, i
won't be around next sunday as well because of more fundraising, hope you guys
understand :/
anyway,
i wanna tell you more because its smth i haven't really done so (i realise i'm
rather terrible at communication). The project's called Project iLove3,
organised for Catholics in SMU and the non-catholic affiliates: their other
halves. HAHA. We're going to a small village called Gia Bac in Vietnam, 7 hours
north of Ho Chi Minh city. We're working with the local NGO to build and stock
a library with English books as well as build external kitchens. cos now they
cook over open fires in their rattan houses. dangerouss. So mainly what takes up
my time is fundraising, we're aiming to raise 9.5k!
So
our fundraising efforts have been to go down to the individual churches (SFX
reject D:<) to sell some postcards/stickers we designed as well as ask for
love offerings. We've been to SPP, QOP, STC and SMOTA and next weekend we're
going to St. Annes, Nativity and Risen Christ. We went for Humanitarian Forum
and Fair too. So i've kinda been a church nomad in the past month, hopping here
and there. It's been a tiring but rewarding experience, and I recall how we got
donations for our own mission trip. God really provides. 9.5k is quite
substantial amount and before this weekend, we had raised about 5k. But over
two days at SMOTA we raised 2.5k (1.1k from evening mass on saturday alone!)
which is DAMN AWESOME. Praise God for all the generous parishoners who
supported us :)
Something
i want to share with you guys is this incident at QOP which is quite a
laidback, old church. Fundraising wasn't going particularly well that evening
and I was pretty sians :x plus the fact that I'm actually a rather
passive person who is pretty scared of approaching people. So after mass the
crowd was dwindling pretty fast and there was this aunty walking by herself out
of church quite far away from our booth. Somehow I was prompted to run after
her and ask her to buy stuff. And then she took out $50 and donated it as a
love offering!
What
got me going was that if I had never run after her to approach her, she would
have never donated us the $50. And what a big difference a seemingly small
action made, and especially for an
action that wasnt my usual behaviour. God can call us to die to ourselves in
very small ways that have big outcomes. And these are small things we wouldn't
think twice of! I was reminded of this situation again a few weeks later at
Fides when this new girl (yay new people!) said she wouldnt have come if not
for her friend who asked her, although she had been meaning to go for very very
long. Another small action with big outcomes.
All
this reminded me of the bible passage "if you have faith the size of a
mustard seed, tell the mountain to move aside and it will listen to you". Only just a little bit extra faith is required for us to go that extra length. Just suck it up, declare "GOD PROVIDES" and go for it :D From
this Sunday’s gospel, discerning the small things that God asks us to do is
just as important as the “big decisions”, not for us but more for others.
So
yes that’s been my life for the past few weeks. This weekend I’ll be at St.
Annes but I’ll try my best to come for Friday sharing J Talk to me! I feel the Log
<3 when u guys do :D
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Monday, September 26, 2011
so yesterday, i attended only my second english mass here. previous sundays were spent oversleeping and being nice by waiting for friends who overslept :/ hur. went to sogang university for 7.30pm mass. i just wanted to go for a night mass cos i knew i'll be up all sat night and there's no way i'll make it at 9am. just turns out the university was founded by jesuits :D was a much much homier, warmer, smaller place than myeong-dong, and you can actually hear the homily. hur. (myeong-dong was way too echoey) and it was amazing cos they sang all the mass parts we learnt at st. ig's for the wyd commissioning mass. plus, they use breaking bread! they was even random leaflets of 'come, now is the time to worship' :D so when, the bulletin mentioned they need people for choir/lector, guess whattt... hahah. yea, see how next week goes. anyways, the korean priest yday was a stand-in, and although some of his sentences werent perfect, i could totally understand what he was trying to get at. yday's gospel was of the two sons, one said 'no, i wont' but did what his father told him to, the other said 'yes, okay' but didnt do it. so the homily was about the father's will/ discernment/ vocation. and this is smtg i've been thinking about since i arrived here. about what is the next step in life.
he said, we must first question what is our motivation. and he listed 3 'dimensions': 1) duty, 2) compassion (i think tt's what he said, his pronunciation was weird), and 3) love. and he went on to elaborate each dimension. the best is of course to achieve the 3rd dimension of love.
and this is my own interpretation and input: sometimes, we do all the right things, but never question why we do it. if we are motivated by duty or compassion, we can say 'yes, okay', we can even do all the right things, but as christians, we are all called to live ultimately and absolutely in love. if we have love, even if we say 'no, i wont', the love will compel us to act according to the father's will. hence, it is very impt to question motives. i hope this helped for pple who're discerning. or not, just smtg to think about :))
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The whole is greater than the sum of it's parts
"Community is going on a journey, experiencing different things, coming back to share it, and realizing that whatever everyone had shared has profoundly impacted each other's lives. "
After I finished doing up this picture, I felt very drawn to what the others had written, I wanted to know what it meant for them and what it meant for me. Quite unknowingly, their experiences and one-liners made an impact on my life, it resonated throughout my week and I feel -- richer.
As gestalt(some design dude) says "the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts"
From sharing our struggles in life, in community, something really hit me. It almost doesn't matter what you do, or who you are when you are around community. Community is about being there (mind/body/spirit), community is about communication, being in communion with each other.
Commun- , a prefix that means to share, and guess what 3 words all have that prefix?
That is why in the highs of community time, we are living together, doing things together, praying, eating, sleeping, sharing together. After camps we feel such a sense of unity because we shared our struggles and triumphs regardless of what individual people think of it.
In the lows is when communication fails. When I fail to be a friend because I haven't talked to you, and when conversations just don't go into raw emotions, feelings, desires, hurts and joys. Over the past few days, I've come to realize how some of my friendships have failed, how I am unable to break through the emotional barrier that people put up and left feeling so dazed and how relationships break down when we cannot share in the joys and sorrows of our days.
Even the simple act of saying "I saw your picture on the bus! but I was damn angry because the bus was blocking my car!" is sharing. (I quote anne)
"I've always said yes to community."
It was always left unsaid, and to hear it being said out loud by andrew really touched me quite a bit. I've never said no to suppers, never said no to long hthts, never said no long car rides, and for me, it's really these moments that make up community because it's when people go deeper. His statement made me question why on earth do I cling onto community even though I never really gained anything.
I've never not been in community
In the past 7 years, I have never felt like I was not part of the community. When we are happy, we give a group hug and smile and sing more. When we are down, we poke each other and ask what is wrong, and if we dare not do that we ask others or pray over silently. When we are tired, others step in and help lift the burden. When we are burdened, we share the burden and God gives us rest. Regardless of time or the number of people, someone has always been there for me and that someone( or 'someones') is what I'd like to think as God personified. God is always there. I don't think I could ever ask for a better community experience.
With the realization of how many of my friendships aren't where they should be in community and outside, I can't help but feel the need to do something. To be in constant communication with everyone. That is the ideal. But God gives strength.
Sure, people are different, people want different things in life, I have things you don't have and you have experiences I don't have, we all do live in our own private world and we can choose to live life that way. But at the end of the day, only one thing is needed, the desire to share (but as a catholic community it's not just that, it's the desire to share God. )
"Diversity is a source of richness. It is the expression of one and the same spirit which enkindles in our hearts a variety of flames... an experience of family."
My issues are my issues and you can't do much to really help me or make my choices for me. But more often than not, we get lost in our thoughts, in our own world, on a slippery slope to doom. Sometimes, some things only start to make sense in the context of friendship. Like how, with God, all things are possible. Being vulnerable and sacrificing oneself (our need to look strong), that is love, and community is love. (i forgot who said this) I don't know about you but I know that when I die to myself, my own desires and wants, I feel peace and freedom, I really do, like this is what I was called to do.
"Faith ought to be my personal and most free conviction; it must be experienced in the innermost part of my existence. But this existence is found only in community and in society"
You know that extra bit that comes out from working as a team? Group synergy is what they term it in business school, that extra bit to me is Faith, faith in God and faith in one another. (though in log, it's just termed as loglove)
"Friendship which is born out of faith has to do with being able to respect one another, treating one another with sincerity, accepting one another with compassion and communicating with ease and joy"
In Spain, it was difficult to really be community sometimes, stepping on each other's toes and accumulated sleep deprivation, but we all had that desire and I believe that the friendship we had(born out of faith) was strong enough to pull through the storm we went through. When we met each other after 1 week or when we were all dying of exhaustion, we sat down and shared because we knew we needed to. I hardly remember what anyone said but that conviction to share touched me.
Picture this. We are all lost, walking around aimlessly in a desert, tired, quiet, solemn, sad.. but if we all came together, imagine how we will all be. Will we just gather round in a circle and sulk and complain? or will we get up, and play some ninja? :D
6 Comments:
thx jes :D
By ,
September 21, 2011 2:57 PM
so at present, what is our triumph & failure?
By ,
September 21, 2011 9:19 PM
7 years. But what difference does knowing that make?
By jes,
September 21, 2011 9:32 PM
where/how/what/why to move towards?
dom
By ,
September 21, 2011 10:20 PM
In the end, the answer is always greater communication (:
By jes,
September 22, 2011 1:13 PM
Love is the answer~
and thank you jes. :)
Andrew
By LoG,
September 23, 2011 12:10 AM
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Hi from Manchester! I just came back from dinner with almost 100 Singaporeans in Chinatown. I was happy to meet so many people but I think I returned more sad than before. The meal was pretty nice, made some new friends and had good conversations. Thereafter, we adjourned to a KTV cum club next door. and so I decided to follow the group as I was itching for some Karaoke. However, when we reached, me and another two friends gawked at the price we had to pay per person. The rooms had a spending minimum of 288 pounds, split probably between 10ish people, making it a good 40SGD for drinks and karaoke. The other two were not prepared to spend, neither was I, although I did consider. But when I realised they were really going to party hard, I decided to leave as well. (sidetrack): the cute girl that I showed Soo, who joined me and others for dinner a few days back, joined too. boo =( We walked back from Chinatown to our accommodation which was 30mins walk away. The three of us (one girl and two guys) talked a lot about the lifestyle here - the partying, the clubs, the drinking - I just feel quite out of place, likewise for the two of them as well. Along the way, there were queues to enter clubs, vomit on the pavements (at 10pm mind you), girls with ridiculously short skirts and just so many young people ready to party. But here we are, three Singaporeans walking back to our accommodation. Perhaps I've taken the place of someone else who would fit in better here? But I am glad I came for exchange here with like minded people like me - exchange will be travelling, cooking, being independent and not so much clubbing. It was much better when I came back to my flat and found my Chinese friends still here talking. Joining in their conversation about how they enjoyed the party last night was much better for me. They left at 11pm, so they probably didn't see much crazy stuff so I guess its pretty decent. I'm guessing back in China, they don't get much chance to let go too. Its funny how I feel so much more comfortable with them. But my greatest sadness didn't come from me being such a misfit here in Manchester, I feel sorrowful... I attended the feast of Our Lady of Sorrow here in Manchester on the day I arrived and I was so happy to have done so. I first came across the statue on the pilgrimage in Los Arcos if I remember correctly. (see it here - http://tinyurl.com/6jfcrby) As I looked at the statue, Our Lady's eyes stared into me and seemingly stared into my soul. At that moment, I felt like crying and I kept telling Shaun Liu that the statue looked so sorrowful and I feel like I can feel it too. Then I saw it again on my travels and realize that whenever I keep silent in front of it, it isn't peace I feel but sorrow. I assumed that the sorrow Our Lady felt was for the world, for sinners but on the feast celebration in Manchester, the priest preached about it more. (picture of it in the Parish of the Holy Name of Jesus in Manchester - http://tinyurl.com/6dzr4tq) Here you see Mother Mary holding the body of Jesus and is visibly very sad about the death of her son - how He had been insulted, unjustly accused, tortured and died. Yet, with her Immaculate Heart, Our Lady is also sorrowful for the people and the sins that Jesus had taken upon himself; she was feeling the sorrow for Christ's body - the Church. Our Lady, though human, has become one with Jesus in feeling the sorrow for the people here on earth. I think I need to praise God for giving me this ability to feel that sorrow as well but I also feel that it is really quite heavy a feeling sometimes. I find myself constantly asking the question of so what happened to Christianity here? Well, even though there are many Christian denominations and also the Catholic chaplaincy which set up booths on the main street alongside people advertising for clubs, the faith and the Church is very much absent here. My next question would be, so when will these people find the Truth? Does it really require something big to happen to shake people out of the confusion? My conclusion was that, faith requires an open heart and really, I think this is in God's hands. I decided to write this post instead of many other sharing that I have conceptualized about my travels but this one bothered me so much tonight so I wish to share it first! On a separate note, I'm settling in pretty well. Quite sure I will find some other form of entertainment around here! And lastly, I would like to leave the community with a few questions. Do we feel that sorrow? Do we concern ourselves with the happenings of the universal Church?
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Sunday, September 11, 2011
I’ve finished my write-up for WYD. You guys will see it up
on the youth wall soon. But there’s another part of WYD that is very personal,
thought I’ll just share it on log blog. This is an extension of the sharing I
gave outside the basilica before Taize.
There was once, during a confi camp I was serving at, my
parents came to visit in church, or they had some meeting in church I forgot. I
think we had just finished one of the major sessions, praying over or praying
with or something like that. I was on a spiritual high and when I saw my dad, I
rushed over to give him a big bear hug. But my father wasn’t the affectionate
kind and he had somehow pushed me away. I remember feeling really hurt, and I
looked around to see if anyone had seen it. I don’t think I ever blamed him but
sometimes I cant help but feel sorry for myself.
Fast-forward a few years later, I started to wonder about
whom I was praying to when I pray. Is it Jesus the son, or God the Father?
(somehow its easier to identify the Holy Spirit :/ ) And I think someone (Fr.
William Goh at awaken?) mentioned that the relationship with the earthly father
is supposed to reflect the relationship with the heavenly Father. But I didn’t know who my father was. He provided well
for my family and I know his values and beliefs, vaguely. But I didn’t share
his worries, concerns or interests. And so, I concluded I probably was not
interested in God the Father and his plans for me. I did not know how much He
loved me. Hence, when I pray, it is difficult to visualise God the Father.
When I was at Valladolid, I met a coordinator named Jesus
(pronounce yeh-soos). He spoke no english but during my one week there, I
experienced an indescribable fatherly love that crossed the language barrier. He
would tease and tickle me, cheekily give me a shove and pretend it wasn’t him,
listen when I sang, and when music played, he would randomly take my hand and
encourage me to dance. I laughed like crazy, and with joy, during those few
days. He wasn’t afraid to hug me or be affectionate. (putting it down in words
make it sound so paedophilic) It didn’t feel like he wanted anything from me,
just being myself was enough. And I genuinely felt I was a delight in every of
my actions. He gave me the affection and endearment that my biological father
could not give (which isn’t actually his fault, in his defense).
Another coincidentally funny thing tt happened was, during
one of the days, the reading was ‘Jesus said: no one knows the son except the
father, and no one knows the father except the son, and anyone to whom the son
wishes to reveal him’, and Jesus did
reveal the Father’s love for me. On the last day, he tried to have a
conversation with me using whatever limited vocabulary we both knew and a whole
lot of hand signals. He worried that I would lose my ‘expressiveness’ when I
got back to the realities of daily routine, and I promised to try not to.
I still cry when I think about it. And when my body reacts
this way, I know he must have touched me much more than my mind can comprehend
or put into words.
This is something he shared with me: The Butterfly Circus
Enjoi.
von.
4 Comments:
tt's a brave sharing =) thx von.
By ,
September 11, 2011 9:45 PM
<3
By jes,
September 11, 2011 11:02 PM
+1 =). Thanks for sharing von! why don't I ever see you on skype!
By T.SwEE,
September 14, 2011 8:48 AM
you guys are on skype? add me! jmlau1
but thanks von for sharing :)
poey
By ,
September 17, 2011 10:14 PM
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Hi guys, I shared this on my blog but something told me I should put it here too.
I'm taking a short break from daily world youth day posts because I didn't bring my magis book to Jhouse ): but here's what's been really bothering me.
I'm taking a short break from daily world youth day posts because I didn't bring my magis book to Jhouse ): but here's what's been really bothering me.
Coming back from world youth day, as my reflections have said, it was a slightly uneasy feeling. It is strange having to get into the whole humdrum of life in Singapore. When I stepped into the airport I was pretty mixed about being back and it's like post san diego but possibly stronger. I knew I needed to live life and challenge myself to put these ideals into place. The withdrawal symptoms pushed my emotions and made my entire being pine for what was experienced, almost like a drug. And as all drugs, it's never good to just live for those highs so I distracted my mind with doing fyp visuals and soon enough I felt like who I originally was. A person who hangs by her mac all day looking at inspiration from the world, stalks friends and has small conversations peppered throughout the day, shut off from the world around me as all my life is sucked into a computer, and when all that happiness is gone and all that dissatisfaction overwhelms, I head to church trying to feel something, anything, and come back to a night of slightly happier conversations. Getting into that whole routine is almost a complete contrast of who I felt free to be in Spain. There, I detached myself from the computer, refusing any inspiration but from the real living world around me, un-awkward smiles were exchanged everywhere I went, much effort was undertaken for making deep conversations and my day as awesome as possible.
Maybe that is the life I want, that is the life I desire, that is the life that I can feel God most in. I didn't know what made me so unhappy but writing it out makes everything much clearer.
Let me tell you about the tree climbing @ Tavistock.
After the first time, I could feel my skin burning as the sweat touched the fresh skin beneath the one torn off and I stopped. Away from the crowd I stood on the roots to try and gain some height but it didn't really help.
Again I tried, and while trying to go slow and steady, my foot slid down the bark dislodging several pieces of tree bark and dirt, I landed in a standing position and with feet and arms fresh from abrasion I stood there not wanting to look at myself, afraid of what I had done to myself.
You know how frustrating it is to constantly feel your foot slipping on tree bark while you climb up a tree? I stood there for ages looking at what I could leverage on and watched as my friends one after another hop, hoist or pull themselves up to that little spot where the trunk turns to branches. I felt rather dejected but I couldn't stand the fact that I couldn't do it. I knew I had to and was determined to do so. I had tried for so long, and got slightly hurt trying, I had to.
Drawing a parallel to my days, I was super annoyed with my lack of ability to translate my ideal self here and it really bugged me. I didn't know what to leverage on, what to do and so felt tremendously uncomfortable. Something in me knew I had to do something, be someone and I was very determined to do it but unconsciously, the want to be renewed was so bad, it hurt.
Eventually I did it, I'm not sure how but it felt easy, as easy as walking up 2 steps and I sat. I stayed there for as long as I could to just calm myself down and because I daren't jump down. It was rather high. Right now I'm feeling better after reading the 'call to greater things' in the magis book, I'm taking a breather but hopefully I'll dive straight into life feeling empowered once again.
This is the reason for randomly spontaneous impulses.
Climbing a tree is such inspiration, who knew?
The uneasiness is lifted like God pushing up my backpack of rocks. Maybe he'll change them into diamonds.
So now that I'm over the withdrawal, over the distractions, over the frustration of being uneasy... the call to greater things?
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Tuesday, September 06, 2011
church
guys, just wanna thank u all for responding so immediately and effectively to sunday's canteen. it's rly affirming to know that when crunch time hits, everyone rallies together to support one another. it's a testament to all of ur commitment to community, that we can pull of such a decent canteen at such a last minute.
not to exonerate (i.e. relieve our guilt) ourselves, but lol greg thinks that it's all part of god's plan to bring the community closer together in a 紧急时刻. seems all too coincidental that we hv 2 canteens so close to one another, all 4 of us missed it out and dom just happened to read e bulletin and realize tt it was our canteen in e nick of time.
thanks esp to those who:
- came down early in e morng to help w setup
- stayed all e way to help w cleanup
- those who brought food
we also wanna share w yall how e entire YMC supported us. when we realized we had canteen, we made some decisions and went to ntuc to buy stuff. because of tt, e entire camp program was pushed back by more than an hour (i.e. night session started at 9; supposed to start at 8). at around 12 midnight+, we broke up the discussion (which wasn't over at all; in fact it only started to get more exciting) cos they knew we needed to cook the aglio olio so everyone headed down to the canteen. we had an entire table of core leaders just helping to cut chilli and chop garlic till 3am. liver's, estelle's and lou's hands were burnt from cutting chilli. lynn practically cooked all our spaghetti. special mention to estelle cos she supervised all of us and taught us everything. like EVERYTHING. beginning with what to buy at ntuc all e way to how much salt to sprinkle at e end.
so guys, i know sometimes we don't feel like we know certain people in log or in YM very well. but at times like this, it's impossible not to realize that we still love each other and are willing to give ourselves for one another, even if we don't really feel like we are friends. perhaps that's the difference between being part of community and simply being friends. as friends, we help each other cos we like each other. as community, we help each other simply cos we're community, and in doing so, discover tt we like each other more and more.
at e discussions during e discernment weekend, one of e major issues we talked about was the integration and unity of YM. swee (i hope i'm assuming correctly) mentioned in e prev post tt it came down to relinquishing one's identity in our community. i share his vision for unity and integration. but i don't rly think it's mutually exclusive from having a 'home' in LoG. i don't think we need to give up our identity. Jesus too, had his 12 apostles, his inner circle; yet they are all part of one church.
so i think e challenge isn't to give up our identity. it is, instead, to look beyond it. from one introvert to another (which is most of us by some quirk of God), it is amazingly tempting to find retreat in the ppl we feel close to rather than in socializing. and that's ok. we have our limits (and for some of us, those limits are uncomfortably low) after all.
but when it is NOT ok is when that 'retreat' becomes exclusionary. it is NOT ok when what we do makes other ppl feel left out. i'll cite examples (positive and negative):
(1) at swee's bday party, there was this moment when i moved to e corner of e room to sit w someone (was it jes? can't rmb lol sry). v quickly, other loggers came over and just like tt, we separated ourselves from all e other communities who were in e central area. we drew e line ard ourselves. was it natural? perhaps. but was it right? definitely not.
(2) at pong's relative's wake, markchong was there. jes and i noticed tt no one was talkg to him even tho he was kindof standg w us, tho not rly being part of e convo. and so we whispered to each other abt it and moaned abt why we had to notice these things, since we were the least capable of reacting towards it. and then, aft bouncing challenges off to one anor, she finally said smth to him to try to get him involved in e convo.
(3) my last example is a person: swee. we must rmb tt he is naturally introverted. and yet so many times, he has demonstrated to us how love for Christ and fellow Christians can transform - when he reached out to Bob & friend at e random fri sharing, when he goes to ard to chat w ppl from other communities during sunday breakfasts and aft weekday masses etc. i also drew inspiration from e fact tt lou was one of those pushg e most strongly for the unity of YM. which i always knew was swee's vision, but i dint think tt lou shared it tt strongly. somehow or anor, swee must hv inspired her. so @swee, just to affirm u: ur dreams do touch others.
this is e kind of culture of challenge and sensitivity tt we need. it is a strange phenomenon tt e quiet ppl who have e sensitivity to notice who is being left out are also exactly e same ppl who find it most difficult to do anything abt it. so to these quiet ppl, i urge: let's challenge one anor. let's talk abt these things tt we notice, these visions tt we dream, and w e affirmation and strength from each other, reach beyond ourselves and out to these ppl. we can still find quiet solace in log's warmth when we become drained, but we have to challenge ourselves to push beyond the lines of community and comfort zones. build friendships with ppl outside of log. heck, build friendships with ppl outside of YM and bring them in! that is evangelism. that is unity. that is church.
one last point. we sometimes take on e attitude of 'log first, then YM'. so we say to ourselves 'i'm not rdy for ym cos i'm not even settled in log!' or 'log isn't even internally settled; how can we focus on YM?' tt has merit to some extent. but ultimately, it is a mindset to be discouraged cos it goes back to e drawing of lines. in e end, we are challenged to see individuals for the Christ in them (a pt tt was made in e prev post too), rather than for which community they belong to. and in loving each other as fellow Christians, rather than as fellow loggers or fellow stoners, integration and unity will naturally happen. love e individual. then community will build itself. tt is e essence of dietrich bonhauffer's quote.
in writing this, i put myself up for hypocrisy cos i know tt i'm on e extreme end of introversion. and so this challenge is v much for me, as much as e rest of us. so challenge me too =)
hv a gd week ahead yosh!
hv a gd week ahead yosh!
mel
2 Comments:
*super like*
no there's no 'community' here. but they are all God's people. somehow missing orientation has made me want to retreat even more into my shell. i, who have led major orientation camps -.- imagine the irony. but i know these are not Godly thoughts or feelings, and have fought super hard against it. and along the way there were many amusing incidents that maybe i'll share another time :))
reading about canteen was awesome. i can actually picture it in my head so vividly. feels so happy. hahah. von is missing you guys here in korea! grow stronger in faith yall!
By von.,
September 06, 2011 7:25 PM
cutting garlic is not fun. ur hands get all sticky and gross. and e worst thing is tt it stinks so badly zomg. even aft washing w soap ._. i kept smellg my own hands as i slept wa lao. gross ttm.
By ,
September 07, 2011 12:24 AM
Monday, September 05, 2011
My Own Thoughts about YMC
Having core and all run off to discernment over the weekend has made me think. So let me just share some of my thoughts.
When it comes down to it. It's YMC - Youth MINISTRY Council. The latter 2 words just refer to work. In a large sense, that's what I feel YMC is - Work. There is no emotional attachment to it, just a sense of responsibility bothering the few people who care.
Like why would someone from LoG care about other communities or care about YMC events. They care about their own communities, maybe... hopefully God, and hence just turn up to YMC events. They have friends in the larger community, which does not transcend into and links within YMC, but just exists between them.
Then there are a handful who care. Who have dreams. Some who had dreams about the YMC, about SFX, about the Church. Who come to every single YMC event, hoping to accomplish this ideal. Who end up leading, doing and attending everything. At some point or other, just feel very tired and dejected.
Maybe, this is just my beef about the YMC. But how I'd long for everyone to be one big community. How I long for communities to love each other. For communities to come together to share the same ideals. Aren't we all communities? Our goal is the same.
I once had this reflection about what is required for unity among the youth. For me, it came down to relinquishing one's own identity in the bubble of comfort they call their community and to claim it in Christ. But at that point of time, I could not even bear the thought of LoG being called LoG anymore - just by what it means to me.
Can you let go off a name?
Where does your identity lie?
In it all, I am not here to judge anyone or any community. Everyone has their reasons. But though I might have dreams and want the YMC to succeed. It will just continue to be nothing but work for me.
p.s. Don't ask others(YMC) to read this. If they find it, it's okay! =D
1 Comments:
Hello! Who posted this yo ? Hahah it's a very interesting post =) Greg
By Gregory Suresh,
September 05, 2011 10:31 PM
Sunday, September 04, 2011
a reiteration: don't let your mind nag you, i.e. don't spin the same thoughts & emotions over & over again.
It might just drive you mad
dom