Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The present is a present
"We weren’t in a rush to do anything else, because there was no certainty of a future. So we defaulted to living in the present, focusing on each moment of our “Yes and No” days. A time when only two things mattered to us: life and love."
A wonderful story
One of those things while I drag myself through the internet. I hope you have more of these days (:
Monday, November 28, 2011
something amazing happened yday. i was sitting at the choir loft at mass, and very strategically. my line of vision while facing the altar was somehow 'blocked' by the crucifix, y'know, the huge one that the altar boy carries in the procession. and i didnt realise it until consecration. as the priest said the words 'take this all of you and eat it...', he was superimposed by the cross and it looked as though jesus himself was saying it. when he finished saying, as he held the host up high for the congregation to venerate, he stepped back. so now the host was superimposed by the cross. of course it is important not to place more importance on the symbol than on the actual person himself. but yday jesus reminded me how he was very real and very present in the eucharist. which is significant to me because i've somehow 'regressed' back to my old ways.
Under my roof
"lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof but only say the word and my soul shall be healed"
it's one of those new translation things that really make me curious about what it truly means to me when I say that. The new translations and chants in mass in general have made me quite conscious about what I say at mass and has helped me see the bigger picture; the universality of our faith. And best of all I think I treasure the bible a lot more now. Sometimes the bible is a little too wordy for me. I wish it were all just YouTube videos or something. Easier to digest (though it restricts the creativity in interpreting the words)
Well, anyway, my point is, I hope I can dig deeper into that lingering curiosity in my heart when I say that phrase out loud tomorrow because guess what? It's the gospel! And advent has finally started! :D
Hope to see you guys at mass :)
Discovering a new fact everyday,
Jes
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Today while I was writing in my journal, God told me that He wants me to be committed to loving Him and others above everything else. So I found myself wondering how I am supposed to do that in all my busyness. Like how am I supposed to offer up my day to loving God when all I have planned is a whole day of studying? And then I realised that - Obedience is an act of love too :)
All the best to all of you taking exams, Christmas is almost here :)
Love,
Rice
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Joyful giver
HELLO THERE.
I liked supper today. it's one of those suppers with a nice warm fuzzy ending (not uneasy, depressing ones) and it made my day a lot less depressing so thanks. (:
Of late, I don't think I've been that great. General background info
My high from WYD inevitably died down (though trying very hard to not let my commitments go).
I got caught up doing craft things for my design mod which I'm really happy about because it turned out great.
Studying for media law has made me realize I have no aptitude for long text and essays
I get very flustered and demoralized doing FYP because I see my limitations very very clearly and worry for my future.
Living a lot of my life online while I'm at home leads me to wanderlust and be very dissatisfied where I am.
In general, these little things kinda add up and made me very unhappy and thus when I went into confi retreat I was really quite off. I felt like I wasn't the best facil I could be and was very out of the zone while the entire retreat was in the zone with the spirit. I was just trying to last till the end of retreat and then go back and just let all the disappointment out. I dug myself into a hole and hid there.
But thank god he balances things out eventually.
The very small moment that made me happy was when I sang at daily mass. Let me digress first. You know how I've been saying that PnW just don't work for me anymore? I just don't really mean what I sing and I know it. I try but there is a certain disconnect and after reading the little article that tang and jon posted, I am more skeptical about me singing like that. It always came across to me as very hypocritical and I judged others through that lens so after a while I feel myself trying to run away from PnWs because I don't want to be in that very 'self conscious' situation. But I can't. Maybe it's to practice what I preach, but I'm there almost for the sole reason that I am part of a community and we need to visibly be together. Like how you should sit up and talk to each other when sharing because you need to visibly look interested in the other person, something I feel I neglect sometimes. I DIGRESS TOO FAR.
Anyway my point is that while singing at daily mass, that's the feeling. The feeling like the words are speaking to you and that you can really sing and proclaim it to people. Maybe it's the nature of the music in PnW(gets abit too high and I'm not in the right disposition yet) or that it's christian based (something that really bothered me during a dinner conversation with my confi group) I feel more comfortable doing chanty(TAIZE!), mellow, catholic based things (like singing down in adoration and mass chants because I know where they are from and they help me get in the zone of worshipping better)
So really singing the mass songs and chants, feeling like I have to absorb and bring that message across to people, to really embody that message, struck a heart string somewhere and that would probably be my God moment this week. I also felt quite affirmed that when people don't say I sound squeaky over the mic because I always thought I did. There is something about singing to a mic and not really hearing yourself, it's like you don't need to be there. Not that I want to be a stand alone voice from a choir but if you hear yourself, you feel like you are contributing more and in some sense making a difference.
In my discernment about gifts, although I didn't give myself much time to think about it, I also felt quite affirmed that I can actually design things because art critics are tough and anal and too perfectionistic and there is so much good stuff out there it's quite easy to feel measly in the industry.(oh the arts.) It got me down quite a bit because my future seemed a little bleak but with a renewed hope and motivation in it I guess I really want to give God-art a try (I've been wanting to for the longest time but I just never got to it)
Yup. I guess that's all I have to share. Hope you guys thought about your gifts.
If you get stuck go look at your God moments or your joys of the week! It might help you discern how you can be a joyful giver.
Speaking of which. I dislike the gift of service in the paper thing. it's the vague-est thing ever! :O ok. not dislikedislike but one of those "WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN" kind of moments.
I'm so happy to feel happy. (:
-jes
Friday, November 18, 2011
Hi guys,
Rice here. I thought I'd just let you all know what's been going on with me. I miss you all alot, and I don't just say this, because I do, I miss spending that quality time with you guys, in the form of session, and God-filled Sunday morning, cause those days never fail to fill me again with God's love, grace and hope for the following week. Of late, I've been feeling like my weeks are increasingly welded into one.. it's just been day after day, no day to mark rest. (Maybe that's why God wanted to give us the Sabbath, maybe it was for our own good :/) In any case, I'm not complaining, because dance and job-wise it's just been amazingly blessed as always. In that area, commitment has become heavier, I now have my own class, and I now help teach at certain schools as well. It would seem like it is starting to pick up. And I think that is the most frustrating thing, because while it is starting to pick up, I find myself waking up every morning, guilty, for neglecting my work, worrying, that the consequences would be irreversible, tired, missing my friends, my family, sometimes feeling lonely, trying my very best to reach out to God, the words come out of my mouth (or my mind) I call out to Jesus to come save me, to be with me, but my mind just can't seem to hang on to Him recently. It just floats around.
I guess that is kind of what I've been up to lately. As I know you guys know, exams are next week, I am also in the midst of preparing for O School recital which is also next week, and right in the middle of my exams. I know it sounds really crazy, but to tell the truth, I don't even think about it. My exam preparation have gone so far as half a chapter so far. So often I have found myself asking myself, HOW ON EARTH AM I GOING TO DO THIS? But every time I will hear a voice in my head saying "I will do it." Of course, there is no excuse for being lazy and neglecting my work. But somehow I believe, that Jesus will help me. Like He always has. :)
I know everyone's probably pretty stressed, it's crunch time for many of us. I hope that in the area of exams, if I, in the situation that I am in, can still find it in me, to let go of that bit of control, and trust in God, I hope all of you who feel tired and drained can remember to look back on all those moments when you felt you absolutely couldn't do it, and look at where you are now, and realise, that when you have that little control.. all that's left to do, is trust God :)
Although I can't physically be as present, (I have rehearsals on Sundays).. I send my love, and God's love to all of you :)
Rice
Sunday, November 13, 2011
a new step
hi guys, joel here. as i told you guys on friday i've been thinking about the next big step. so today, i've just submitted my application for pres/vice-pres of fides. on friday i felt so confused and insecure about it, about my gifts, about my sincerity, about my desire, about my capabilities and i really second guessed myself. i wanted to ask you guys for advice but the opportunity came and went. so last night, i casually (meaning i mentally prepared myself for 15 minutes) asked my mum.
me: mummy i have to ask you a question
mum: WHAT?!
me: i've been thinking of running for fides for another term.. next year
mum: president or vice president?
me: umm. run for both la.
mum: if u want to run, just run for president la. but be careful ISD
me: 5 second stun
i had so much fear and reservation in asking my parents because of the situation at home but i didnt expect... such a brutally honest answer. it was an answer that made the question seem like it didnt need asking. Asking my mum was an important step for me and somehow her candid answer broke the bank. all i can is ptl!
if i do get in, its going to be a long year, busier than i'll ever envision myself. but i ask for your blessings and prayers, more so than ever. even know you're not there... you guys know my weaknesses the most and im scared the most of those things that can drag me down. really really need you guys <3
besides that, my dad's going for a scan tmr. it marks the end of his treatment and it will be to check the progress. as usual, we're really nervous for it... so please pray for us!
Monday, November 07, 2011
Today was the first time I joined the bible study group. Got really disappointed and ruffled. Sorry, couldn't find a better word for ruffled. Its 3am. Today's readings were:
The present is a present
"We weren’t in a rush to do anything else, because there was no certainty of a future. So we defaulted to living in the present, focusing on each moment of our “Yes and No” days. A time when only two things mattered to us: life and love."
A wonderful story
One of those things while I drag myself through the internet. I hope you have more of these days (:
1 Comments:
such a beautiful article :)
By 
,
November 30, 2011 8:56 AM
Monday, November 28, 2011
something amazing happened yday. i was sitting at the choir loft at mass, and very strategically. my line of vision while facing the altar was somehow 'blocked' by the crucifix, y'know, the huge one that the altar boy carries in the procession. and i didnt realise it until consecration. as the priest said the words 'take this all of you and eat it...', he was superimposed by the cross and it looked as though jesus himself was saying it. when he finished saying, as he held the host up high for the congregation to venerate, he stepped back. so now the host was superimposed by the cross. of course it is important not to place more importance on the symbol than on the actual person himself. but yday jesus reminded me how he was very real and very present in the eucharist. which is significant to me because i've somehow 'regressed' back to my old ways.
every time someone asks how often do i pray or how do i pray, i dont have an answer. in my head, i would tell myself tt's because im practicing being in god's presence 24/7 and i dont have to say anything because god already knows. so i dont have to pray. but i think i realise now, prayer is not for god. its for me, to verbalise my thoughts and analyze my feelings in relation to god. prayer is really relationship-building. and i need to do this on a regular basis. sometime in the middle of typing all of this, i realised i am being called to pray on a regular basis. reason being yday was the 1st wk of advent and the start of the year. and what better way to start the yr than to have a new yr's resolution. i hope i keep this resolution.
von.
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Under my roof
"lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof but only say the word and my soul shall be healed"
it's one of those new translation things that really make me curious about what it truly means to me when I say that. The new translations and chants in mass in general have made me quite conscious about what I say at mass and has helped me see the bigger picture; the universality of our faith. And best of all I think I treasure the bible a lot more now. Sometimes the bible is a little too wordy for me. I wish it were all just YouTube videos or something. Easier to digest (though it restricts the creativity in interpreting the words)
Well, anyway, my point is, I hope I can dig deeper into that lingering curiosity in my heart when I say that phrase out loud tomorrow because guess what? It's the gospel! And advent has finally started! :D
Hope to see you guys at mass :)
Discovering a new fact everyday,
Jes
3 Comments:
Hi Jes! It is exactly the words of the Centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant. Jesus said He will go to his home and heal the servant but the Centurion, because of his faith, said the almost exact same words we say now. "The centurion replied, 'Sir, I am not worthy to have you under my roof; just give the word and my servant will be cured." See Matthew chapter 8!
The first English translation did not accurately translate the Latin version, so now the revised translation is as such. Also, all the prayers and responses in mass come from scripture!
By 
mark.tang,
November 28, 2011 2:03 AM
I know where it's from! that's the gospel for today. It just doesnt connect with me on a deeper level then knowing where it comes from.
By jes,
November 28, 2011 11:18 AM
oh and thanks mark!
By jes,
November 28, 2011 11:56 AM
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Today while I was writing in my journal, God told me that He wants me to be committed to loving Him and others above everything else. So I found myself wondering how I am supposed to do that in all my busyness. Like how am I supposed to offer up my day to loving God when all I have planned is a whole day of studying? And then I realised that - Obedience is an act of love too :)
All the best to all of you taking exams, Christmas is almost here :)
Love,
Rice
2 Comments:
<3!
By jes,
November 23, 2011 2:02 PM
have fun study-doom
By ,
November 24, 2011 8:26 PM
Saturday, November 19, 2011
The Joyful giver
HELLO THERE.
I liked supper today. it's one of those suppers with a nice warm fuzzy ending (not uneasy, depressing ones) and it made my day a lot less depressing so thanks. (:
Of late, I don't think I've been that great. General background info
My high from WYD inevitably died down (though trying very hard to not let my commitments go).
I got caught up doing craft things for my design mod which I'm really happy about because it turned out great.
Studying for media law has made me realize I have no aptitude for long text and essays
I get very flustered and demoralized doing FYP because I see my limitations very very clearly and worry for my future.
Living a lot of my life online while I'm at home leads me to wanderlust and be very dissatisfied where I am.
In general, these little things kinda add up and made me very unhappy and thus when I went into confi retreat I was really quite off. I felt like I wasn't the best facil I could be and was very out of the zone while the entire retreat was in the zone with the spirit. I was just trying to last till the end of retreat and then go back and just let all the disappointment out. I dug myself into a hole and hid there.
But thank god he balances things out eventually.
The very small moment that made me happy was when I sang at daily mass. Let me digress first. You know how I've been saying that PnW just don't work for me anymore? I just don't really mean what I sing and I know it. I try but there is a certain disconnect and after reading the little article that tang and jon posted, I am more skeptical about me singing like that. It always came across to me as very hypocritical and I judged others through that lens so after a while I feel myself trying to run away from PnWs because I don't want to be in that very 'self conscious' situation. But I can't. Maybe it's to practice what I preach, but I'm there almost for the sole reason that I am part of a community and we need to visibly be together. Like how you should sit up and talk to each other when sharing because you need to visibly look interested in the other person, something I feel I neglect sometimes. I DIGRESS TOO FAR.
Anyway my point is that while singing at daily mass, that's the feeling. The feeling like the words are speaking to you and that you can really sing and proclaim it to people. Maybe it's the nature of the music in PnW(gets abit too high and I'm not in the right disposition yet) or that it's christian based (something that really bothered me during a dinner conversation with my confi group) I feel more comfortable doing chanty(TAIZE!), mellow, catholic based things (like singing down in adoration and mass chants because I know where they are from and they help me get in the zone of worshipping better)
So really singing the mass songs and chants, feeling like I have to absorb and bring that message across to people, to really embody that message, struck a heart string somewhere and that would probably be my God moment this week. I also felt quite affirmed that when people don't say I sound squeaky over the mic because I always thought I did. There is something about singing to a mic and not really hearing yourself, it's like you don't need to be there. Not that I want to be a stand alone voice from a choir but if you hear yourself, you feel like you are contributing more and in some sense making a difference.
In my discernment about gifts, although I didn't give myself much time to think about it, I also felt quite affirmed that I can actually design things because art critics are tough and anal and too perfectionistic and there is so much good stuff out there it's quite easy to feel measly in the industry.(oh the arts.) It got me down quite a bit because my future seemed a little bleak but with a renewed hope and motivation in it I guess I really want to give God-art a try (I've been wanting to for the longest time but I just never got to it)
Yup. I guess that's all I have to share. Hope you guys thought about your gifts.
If you get stuck go look at your God moments or your joys of the week! It might help you discern how you can be a joyful giver.
Speaking of which. I dislike the gift of service in the paper thing. it's the vague-est thing ever! :O ok. not dislikedislike but one of those "WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN" kind of moments.
I'm so happy to feel happy. (:
-jes
0 Comments:
______________________________________________Friday, November 18, 2011
Hi guys,
Rice here. I thought I'd just let you all know what's been going on with me. I miss you all alot, and I don't just say this, because I do, I miss spending that quality time with you guys, in the form of session, and God-filled Sunday morning, cause those days never fail to fill me again with God's love, grace and hope for the following week. Of late, I've been feeling like my weeks are increasingly welded into one.. it's just been day after day, no day to mark rest. (Maybe that's why God wanted to give us the Sabbath, maybe it was for our own good :/) In any case, I'm not complaining, because dance and job-wise it's just been amazingly blessed as always. In that area, commitment has become heavier, I now have my own class, and I now help teach at certain schools as well. It would seem like it is starting to pick up. And I think that is the most frustrating thing, because while it is starting to pick up, I find myself waking up every morning, guilty, for neglecting my work, worrying, that the consequences would be irreversible, tired, missing my friends, my family, sometimes feeling lonely, trying my very best to reach out to God, the words come out of my mouth (or my mind) I call out to Jesus to come save me, to be with me, but my mind just can't seem to hang on to Him recently. It just floats around.
I guess that is kind of what I've been up to lately. As I know you guys know, exams are next week, I am also in the midst of preparing for O School recital which is also next week, and right in the middle of my exams. I know it sounds really crazy, but to tell the truth, I don't even think about it. My exam preparation have gone so far as half a chapter so far. So often I have found myself asking myself, HOW ON EARTH AM I GOING TO DO THIS? But every time I will hear a voice in my head saying "I will do it." Of course, there is no excuse for being lazy and neglecting my work. But somehow I believe, that Jesus will help me. Like He always has. :)
I know everyone's probably pretty stressed, it's crunch time for many of us. I hope that in the area of exams, if I, in the situation that I am in, can still find it in me, to let go of that bit of control, and trust in God, I hope all of you who feel tired and drained can remember to look back on all those moments when you felt you absolutely couldn't do it, and look at where you are now, and realise, that when you have that little control.. all that's left to do, is trust God :)
Although I can't physically be as present, (I have rehearsals on Sundays).. I send my love, and God's love to all of you :)
Rice
1 Comments:
I like your post! and miss you rice! just make sure you spend christmas with us! (:
By jes,
November 19, 2011 1:32 AM
Sunday, November 13, 2011
a new step
hi guys, joel here. as i told you guys on friday i've been thinking about the next big step. so today, i've just submitted my application for pres/vice-pres of fides. on friday i felt so confused and insecure about it, about my gifts, about my sincerity, about my desire, about my capabilities and i really second guessed myself. i wanted to ask you guys for advice but the opportunity came and went. so last night, i casually (meaning i mentally prepared myself for 15 minutes) asked my mum.
me: mummy i have to ask you a question
mum: WHAT?!
me: i've been thinking of running for fides for another term.. next year
mum: president or vice president?
me: umm. run for both la.
mum: if u want to run, just run for president la. but be careful ISD
me: 5 second stun
i had so much fear and reservation in asking my parents because of the situation at home but i didnt expect... such a brutally honest answer. it was an answer that made the question seem like it didnt need asking. Asking my mum was an important step for me and somehow her candid answer broke the bank. all i can is ptl!
if i do get in, its going to be a long year, busier than i'll ever envision myself. but i ask for your blessings and prayers, more so than ever. even know you're not there... you guys know my weaknesses the most and im scared the most of those things that can drag me down. really really need you guys <3
besides that, my dad's going for a scan tmr. it marks the end of his treatment and it will be to check the progress. as usual, we're really nervous for it... so please pray for us!
2 Comments:
reminds me of the time i asked my mom whether i shld run a second term for TPSU. she didnt know anything abt what i was doing in sch, dunno why i spend so much in meetings, keep coming back at 11/12pm, didnt see me when i was programme head at camps, etc. but she said whatever it is, she will support my decision, cos what else can she do right? hahah. she so oblivious sometimes :D
just know that, whatever it is, there will be pple behind you. family. and log.
von.
By ,
November 13, 2011 10:53 AM
haha actually, when I read it i remember that time I was in sandiego wondering if i should go skydiving for 300 bucks. it was like so ex! and somehow was under the concept that my parents would think it's ex and stinge, but when i actually asked them on the phone, they were just like, go la! have fun. I was a bit stunned because it was like... worry for nothing. and yea, in some sense, unexpected support. (:
By jes,
November 14, 2011 3:08 AM
Monday, November 07, 2011
Today was the first time I joined the bible study group. Got really disappointed and ruffled. Sorry, couldn't find a better word for ruffled. Its 3am. Today's readings were:
1st reading> About wisdom and how she comes to those who seek her
2nd reading> Paul writing to the Thessalonians about how those who have fallen asleep and those still alive will be with Christ in his second coming
Gospel> Matthew wrote about the parable of the 5 wise virgins and 5 foolish virgins, and they were all waiting for the bridegroom. Only the wise ones had enough oil, and the foolish ones went off to buy more but were not permitted entry when they got back.
At first, we were all invited to find the connection and link between the 3 readings. After a few rounds of discussion, my own interpretation and conclusion was this: the parable in the gospel talks about how we should all strive to be like the wise virgins. And this is supported by the first reading on wisdom. The rejection of the 5 foolish virgins were then justified. In the 2nd reading however, Paul talks about how those who have fallen asleep will wake and be with Christ, and those still alive will take their place after. This more than hints at God's infinite mercy and love. While the gospel stresses justice, the 2nd reading written after Jesus's death and resurrection stresses mercy.
I was disappointed because the group and the priest's conclusion was based more on justice. They drew references from experiences with their students. There will come a point in time when enough is enough, and punishment must be meted out. I am not against punishment. But if we view God's message from the perspective of the Father, and not as children who are the supposed receivers of the message, then the crux of the message is lost.
Let me then ask: if anyone had a choice between wisdom and foolishness, who would choose the latter? Even though the 1st reading says those who seek wisdom will find her, it really is a gift and one of god's graces isn't it? The truth is, all the while, I kept thinking about my mom. Though physical disabilities are visible, I worry more about her spiritual disabilities. In fact, I consider it one of my life's purposes, to be able to pass God to her, to teach her what I know, what I have learnt, all that is good and true. So that she doesn't have to live in fear or loneliness, but to glorify god with her life. And while she isn't there yet, I needed to hear that although there is justice, there is even more mercy. Maybe its silly, but I fear everyday that I don't have enough time, that perhaps even mercy is not enough.
And here God speaks: if you mere human is able to forgive and love, how can I not? I will be merciful and love tenfold more, a hundredfold more... (it is God who speaks, because von never uses the words 'tenfold' and 'hundredfold')
We are called to be like the 5 wise virgins, to do what is right by loving God. But that love is possible only because we believe and know He first loved us. I am not a saint (yet), and who I am today is only because of His love for me. Same goes for each and everyone of us. And it is a shame the world doesn't hear enough of His love. I might well fall into the category of the foolish virgins, but happy am I because Christ's death and resurrection has saved and will save even the most hopeless cases.
von.
2 Comments:
virgins? dom
By ,
November 07, 2011 6:34 PM
yeah. catholics got 10, muslims got 40. hahah. sorry, couldnt resist :/
von.
By ,
November 07, 2011 8:57 PM