Thursday, March 30, 2006
Time to laugh!!
Hello! Cheer up! Life's meant to go through with a cheerful heart, as God loved us so much that He made an entire world for us!
"Ask and you shall receive", but firstly "seek an you shall find". Do i ask too much from God, do i give?
It's an irony that life's have to be a difficult and painful to be fun. Yes! Take up the challenge with a grateful heart! It seems that sometimes we must hold onto happiness while sometime we have to let go in order to experience what God has prepared for us. In this society, it's important to survive WHOLE, intact with our morals and values.
cini
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
this place is dying. haha.
anyways i don't really have the time and determination to type a long entry here, so just remeber... IT'S LENT. I dunno why but it kinda helps when i remember its lent. the difficulties and trials that we face everyday seem particularly significant during lent. my brain isnt really working so don't blame me if this doesn't make sense. just wanted to update this thing too anyways. yep. so. take care people!
divine office this friday at 830! try to come!
-jes
Monday, March 20, 2006
LOTS OF LOVE
hello log! i love you (:
this blog needs more happy posts so thats why im here. happy cheery fun buddy poey. hello log im here to spread my love because i now know how much you mean to me and i love you all very very much (: and if i dont seem to be loving you as much as you think i should then you should ask me for it (: hahahahaha sorry im a bit crazy now
god is great in my life :D i love god :) because he has given me all of you! and all of you are the best people i could ever hope to share my life with. praise god for all of you (: like sundays are the days i look forward to the most.
sunday when i came home i was stoning and then i saw a book on my book shelf. some completely useless boring unnecesary manual to some boring thing. and for some stupid reason i pulled it out to see how useless it was. and then from behind it fell out the Divine Mercy. and you know how everybody's been saying to pray the divine mercy. and then here it was! given to me from nowhere and i didnt even know i had a copy! so i kept it beside my bed and prayed for gods love and thanksgiving and i went to bed knowing that god was with me always (:
and i will pray the diving mercy every night before i sleep for god has honoured me with all he has blessed me in my life and i will honour god and be devoted to him ( as the divine mercy says!)
so yes all of you go pray the divine mercy. yes yes you should. if it doesnt fall from your bookcase, go and buy one!
okay byebye lots of lots of love poey (:
and with infinite love, god :D
Days spent pondering
Hai....aiya!
Lost again and again in this interesting maze of life. I don't know why I'm in LoG or CJ or in the Atar Servers. WHAT AM I DOING?
Am i just following the group? Maybe i should just leave....
What's my reason and direction in life??? i think i slack off now.
May of you will say that Jesus is your reason or life...i can't bring myself to say it, even if to myself, in other words make Him my reason. Must be some ego and arrogance of mine.Am i too selfish to only consider my dreams and ambitions? i also realised that it's too easy to be carried of trying to get high...often through emptying measures. Often i like to peer into shadows in a quiet place to regain perpective... and to calm down.
Giving is the theme of CJ this year. In today's readings and Gospel, what i find remarkable in how Joseph place his trust into the Lord and was selfless in the way he took Mary for his wife. At that time, even till now in the middle east, a virgin wife was expected. Abraham also place his faith onto the Lord, but unlike Joeseph received wealth. Joseph demanded nothing, not even an explanation for what he was ask to do. (On a side note, presenting Jesus to the temple as the law required must had cost a bomb for that poor carpenter's family.) In his little way, he gave everything.
Also to giving, one must graciously receive gifts from others. The teachers give us lessons. I feel guilty for being so sleepy in class today. How can we give if we don't graciously receive?
Let's us all make a wish each now...maybe a prayer!
Anyway...may God bless us all! Amen.
Cini
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Trust
Ok well, I decided to blog because I noticed a difference in myself, or rather in my way of thinking. I did really badly during the match this morning and coach substituted me straight away, this partly means my chances of making the team is hugely cut and he is disappointed with my performance. Simpler word - screwed. Then I return to my "why my life is like that, why did I screw up, why is life so unfair?" I just didn't really like this feeling of not getting what I want. But this time, right after I got subbed out, I just look up to the sky and said, if its your will let it be so. I surrender everything up to God and He knows what is best for me. I thought because I will have council commitments too if i get in and getting into the team would mean I'll be really tied down and everything. Perhaps, God is never foolish, today's gospel, God's foolishness is still smarter than the human wisdom. Although I still did have that lingering feeling of why my life is turning out this way. Cross I'll have to carry, but as long as I place my trust in the Lord, I will be who the Lord wants me to be.
It has been a tough start to jc, and for all those who are also struggling to come to terms with a new environment and people, place your trust in the Lord and do your best. :D
God Bless
Mark
Sleepy head writes
Well...i've decided to write while all or most of you're asleep or attending mass...plus it has been a bit of a holiday for us. It has been the first time the march holidays has been a holiday for us! Thank God...I need a rest after worrying too much!
So...what's life suppose to mean for us? A life for others? For ourselves?i supposse some or all of you will come up with a life for God.
Furthermore(practising my English), How's life suppose to be? A bed of roses? I guess life should have it''s nice and bad moments, ups and downs etc. Life is filled with it's many possibbilites and uncertainties. But I hink a Catholic's(Christian"s if you want it otherwise) life should be more difficult as we had promise to help build the kingdom of God. blah blah
Well now....how are we going to deal with life? I think that it's your decision(S)!
Take care!
Cini
Monday, March 13, 2006
hey loggers...
i'm like finally back to blog again. it's been a long time i feel. well.
ok. i kind of posted on my own blog already but well. just want to say that i really thank God for you all. i really thank God for bringing me to LOG in a very out of nowhere extremely unexpected way. to keep me there at the beginning even though i didn't really want to stay also. and it's just so amazing that He kept me here although there were many times that i almost decided not to stay. well.
if i didn't have you guys i wouldn't have been able to lifted up from all my despair this week. the fact that SDYR was there made it better too. i mean who would have known that when i decided ( as a oh ok lor decision ) to participate in this rally thingy..who would have known that it would have come as such an important part of my life. who would have known that God would have spoken to me and come to me so strongly through this rally. imagine if it were held on the original day? one week earlier. then what would i be now. living in despair..totally lost God SOMEWHERE in my desperation. i just realised this now. and i realised how God has been so amazing to me. all for me. a sinner.
i havent been blogging because i was too caught up with my emotions to even think about what i'm feeling and why i should not be or should be. and i lost God somewhere along the way. it's like how yes i know He's there. and He's what i need. yes i know i know. but. my thoughts just keep pushing it out of my mind...and i don't know. i just lost Him.
i'm glad to have gotten Him back. it seems like it's been a long time since i've had a nice conversation with God until i managed to calm down i think maybe thur or fri. and i guess things got better. God does things in such mysterious ways.
but i got what He promised. i asked for help. He gave it to me ever so often. He gave and gave and gave so generously until it was all clear enough for me to see. it's like shouting me you know..like my dear clarice!!!!! i am here!!!i am here!!! don't you realise all those people have been sent by me to help you...and NOW then you realise that i was there helping you all along..even before you asked. how blind i was really.
it's time to move on. really.
when i look at it this way. when i go to work...it's not gonna be just two year. but many many MANY years that i'm gonna be stuck with people i don't like (hopefully not so many). and i guess now the fact that it's only two years..and i'm only there to get a nice Alevel cert...just do it! and get it over and done with man. how bad can it get. SIGH. yeah.
and what's more. i have God!!! amazing God.
thank you for the prayers.
thank God for answering my and others' prayers.
well i think it's amazing how i would say that this is the worst week of mylife...but now i can't really say that anymore. because at the end of this half-a-worst week of my life...God came and shouted in my face:"I'M HERE DAMN IT! JUST TRUST IN ME AND LET GO." and everything became better.
i can't say that this is the worst week of my life anymore. He didn't let me. (:
praise God.
rice.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
kris' turn
booya.
well. im sorry if igt really tired i just stone. but its just me physically. spiritually im fine. morning worship and all really helps (: ubt anw. this songs just on my mind and i guess the lyrics are just really meaningful
jesus lover of my soul
jesus i will never let you go
you've taken me from the miry clay
set my feet upon the rock
now i know
i love you i need you,
though my world may fall i'll never let you go
my savior, my closest friend,
i will worship you
until the very end
kris
SDYR!
Ok ok, I am still very very high. :D:D I was really looking forward to this. It has been my wish to evangelise but sometimes it is not in my means to reach out to a lot of people. I even have trouble trying to get an inactive catholic back to church. Although today it was just carrying stuff and ushering, I hope the non-catholics can see our effort. And also during p&w, see our faces, and see God in us. I gotta say I was so so tempted to start dancing and singing at the pre rally p&w already. Haha, but I still did ushering and stuff while clapping and singing. I was feeling very cheerful and stuff. Felt like nothing really bad has ever happened in my life. God has taken it off me. So I can face the people coming in with a grateful heart and really show God to others. Saw St anne's ppl! Saw a guy from RJ haha, i just like shouted his name and went to give him a half hug. He was shocked duh but nvm. :D The turnout was seriously not bad la.
Then ok the program started, I watched it during rehearsal already but this time it was even more real. The testimonials rocked. Rehearsal I was sniffing during first testimonial and the second one felt really close to my heart. Although not break up but I think rejection can be really tough too. Moreover, this time it was cause me and that girl were quite close and suddenly this had to fall on me. But really, during the rally, I kept thinking about this issue, but I never felt any pain at all. Prase the Lord! I went through all the things Leonard said, whatever he thought I did to. But really, praise the Lord that I didn't need to go through the desertion of faith then coming back to God again. Praise the Lord that he gave me the faith to tide it through. Praise the Lord for LOG which has always been there for me. Praise the Lord for my friends who have talked to me. Adoration was beautiful, I sometimes couldn't bring myself to say Lord, I adore you, Lord I love you because I know I have really sinned against him so many times and I am not worthy to say it. I have doubted him many times during this dark period of jc life and went back to him again. I really felt guilty. However, the last part of p&w was even more beautiful. first 2 songs I didn't know how to sing really so i just hum along and listening to the lyrics. Then came shout to the lord, all my life and king of majesty. The last 2 songs I just learnt during rehearsal. I felt everything leaving me, all my worries and burdens. In came this electric feeling and I really think it was the holy spirit. I really smiled, and was feeling very very grateful jsut like wad leonard had said. I was smiling, after 2 months of jc life, i was smiling. I opened up my eyes, and discovered, i was sweating but my skin felt so cooling. A wonderful feeling! A tangible experience with God. Right after that, when i sat down, again what happened before seemed to be another segment of my life. Blurred. I told some ppl before, that whenever I am in ado room and after i come out. I feel that the time i spent in ado room is another segment of my life. Something apart, like exclusive put aside for God and when I exit that period of time and place I go back to my life. Of course, God is always with me, but when i speak to him, and he speaks to me, we go to another world. Another paradise in my heart. Such a beautiful and comfortable feeling. Lord, I LOVE YOU!
mark
Saturday, March 11, 2006
this blog is slowwwwwly dying. guess we're all kinda busy huh.
school has been kinda slack for me. sian most of the time... anyways lent hasnt exactly been all that meaningful to me. or at least not yet. been having a bit of trouble with my faith, i guess it may be the result of not holding on to my faith tight enough in a secular school. Everything is a little fuzzy now. However after stations of the cross today i felt a little better. haven't had stations in quite a while. yep. just felt like updating this place. aint really in the mood to blog.
btw what happened to log shirt? hee.
-jes*
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
hallo everybody..ive actually been intending to blog the past few days but i dont know..something kept stopping me. i guess it was just because i was beyond frustrated with the way crosses were just piling up on me for the past 3 weeks that i didnt feel like talking my problems out were going to help because all i needed was a miracle which didnt seem to come.
i wouldnt want to say what ive been so down about here on this blog, but what added on to the hell ive been going through was my cj life. i didnt enjoy my first day of orientation2 one bit because i was so anxious about whether my class would get back together, and while that might not sound like such a big deal even when i reread it, somehow it just pulled me down even more because i was afraid i got sent to a class which i completly hated because more than anything i just wanted my PAE class back.
and to add on, i pretty much screwed up the whole rehearsal for my band in our final rockafella rehearsal yesterday. i messed up my synthesist solo for the first song and the screamo part for the greenday song so bad the facils watching didnt laugh at me only for the reason that they felt too embarrased for me. and right after the rehearsal i went straight up to my band and told them i wanted to back out of my solo. quite obviously, they didnt let me. and we had a good, ungodly 2 hours straightening things out among our band. and at that moment i realised i had 2 choices..to stay doing my screaming, well humiliate myself infront of a good 800 crowd and save my band or do otherwise. that's why i said ungodly. i was practically dumbstruck at how superficial i was acting yesterday. i mean, all my life ive laughed at how stupid and immature those kids were on tv for trying so hard be popular and not get ousted but yesterday i guess everything fell right back to me.
so naturally i could well say that yesterday was the best day of my last 3 weeks of hell. to the point that i was even quite annoyed at how so many others had such a fun time yesterday at orientation and i didnt because i didnt allow myself to.
and today things just got worse. suddenly i just felt so out of all the orientations and stuff..it was something ive never felt in cj before but at that moment i felt like i just wasnt meant to stick around and play all the TBGs with fake enthusiasm and stuff. so i just faked a sprained ankle to my facil and sat at the grand stand stoning while everyone else had fun. and some 5 seconds later i found myself sneaking off and running away from the TBG area. i knew id get into serious trouble for running off..but at that point i just didnt care anymore. i didnt know where i was running to but i just wanted to get away and i just felt someone pulling me over to the prayer room.
i really didnt want anyone finding me so i locked the room and just stayed there in darkness before the cross. and i was going to rant. i just felt all the hell ive gone through for the past 3 weeks rise up in my and i was going to practically scream everything ive been feeling out when something within me stopped me and said 'go tell your Mother.'
ive turned to the rosary all my life but ever since this year & worse off, i joined legion of Mary and i dont even say my catena regularly and stopped the rosary. and i realised what ive missed this year. and in the prayer room i just felt Her with me. and the emergency novena which ive kept always with me but never said, i just did. over and over for God knows how long i was in there. and at the end of it all i cannot describe to you all in words how i felt this weight just lift off me and the inner peace which id been begging for since He gave me that cross.
i believed miracles would come and they did. for some strange reason the TBG got jetdragged and they didnt even notice that i was gone. and when i got back to my IG, i never had such a more energetic and enthusiastic mass dance with the friends i never bothered to get to know. and after school i went for the final rehearsal for rockafella with my band and praise God and i mean it, one of my band member volunteered to take over my part of the song. and somehow everything just fell into place for my band in that last runthrough. all the flabaggasting gossips trash bitching and frustrations that came up just died off when we played. and things just felt right.
and as for that problem that's still with me since 3 weeks ago, for the first time i really feel like my prayer actually reached God. and that's really an amazing feeling. never mind how much longer i'd be carrying this cross..i actually now know for sure im not carrying this alone.
im blessed because She interceded for me. im blessed because He answered my prayers. im blessed because He gave my the wisdom to know that He will answer my unanswered prayers soon. im blessed because i have so many loggers in cjc with me. im blessed because i get to pray for my friends who want to get into cjc and i get to journey in their faith together because of this. im blessed because im suffering. all the more id know that that's a great thing because i love my God so much i am helping Him carrying part of the cross.
just an add on, the emergency novena is a prayer to Mary in times of desperate needs. say the memorare 9 times consecutively with faith.
stay strong this lent, ppl.
anne.
7.3.06
Well...the blog seems pretty inactive. I probably can post because there's no orientaion for me.
So...my story starts from Friday. On Friday, i went to AJ to check out my result. I was too lazy to use my computer. I went to school, and found out oi was posted to TPJC. It made me pase for a moment, but I was not suprised as i thought i might nopt go to CJ. I went to talk to my CCA teacher about my appeal. It so happens that there were 2 other teachers. I'm notorious to the pe department. THeyt were sort of suprise that I could not enter CJ. Anyway, I decided to to go to appeal to CJ.
I took 853 to Ang Mo Kio Ave 1 and walk to church.I prayed for a while in the adoratuion room, feeling a worried. There i called Father Gerard. He needed to go give comunion to the sick in Ling Kwuang Home as it was the first Friday of the month. We went in his ancient car. When i went there, it was an eye opener. There were sick people, weak yet joyfully receiving comunion. Communion was given out to several bed-ridden people. There was some tone-deafed and blind person. He was recently found out to be a Catholic. Though he could not had possibly known what weas happening, he somehow sense what was happening. In every one of thos people, I could see a fire in their eyes for God. I wonder if I too have it. Fether gerard siad that dying too early and late is bad. I said that dying after finishing what you want to would be the best. Then, when he asked me if iI believed in the afterlife, I replied that I hope there is. Hai... too little faith.
We returned to his office and he helped me find out my chances of appealing into CJ.
After that, I went home, ate my lunch and get some documents. I returned and received the letter. Next, I went to CJ and appeal. I met many of my friends there and also Evonne. Then I had to go to Maris Stella to get my testimonial. Though it was quite time consuming, I had some hope in my heart as everything seems to be going according to my plan.
I returned home for a short rest before going tolabrador park to attend my old Scout unit's investiture. On the way, I became lost beofre arriving at Hougang Interchange. There I hop onto another bus 51. On the way, I drop too early, then spent 2 hours wondering, walking from Geylang to Kallanf Bahru and taking buses many time. Thank goodness I'd found 51. I was despairing and panicking. Luckily, God made me realised to calm down. Even that would not had gotten me my bus. Then....I made it to Labrador Park!!!
During that time, I had some fun. Eating what's left and chatting woth old friends. We went out for supper at 12++ and ate spme famous roti prata at Pasir Panjang. Luckily we did not walk there, it would had been the morning when we arrived back. Well...we'd had a good time.
After an hour of sleep, I prepared foir my interview. I went to AJ and found out my appeal was changed to a general one. I was a bit...Also, i realised that I had lost many of my roots.
Well... I went to my class outing. We had some fun then. I was tired then. We'd a last chance to be together. I'd realised that I should be preparing to settle in TPJC. After all, my appeals are likely to fail. At night, I'd receive a call from one of my friends asking me to hwlp refer hewr friend to the track and field teacher to appeal through. Well...I almost didn't do it as....very hard to say. But I'd sdid it anyway...believing I should not compromise my relationships due to myself.
On Monday, I had the most boring school day of my life. I'd realised that I'd wasted my day. I was told by my father that I should take this time to socialise as I'll be too busy once the next term starts. I'm worried that I'll not be able to concentrate in tpjc as i want to go to cj. Well..let's wait and see. All you who want something do not give up hope yet!
Cini
Thursday, March 02, 2006
jess writes
hello there (: you know i havent blogged here before i think, maybe once. in fact i hardly blog to start with. hahah i visit this blog once in a while but i dont know why i never blogged. anyway you know all your sharings really keep me going when everythings seems to just suck. so yes this is my sharing
okay i dont know why, but ive been feeling sorta guilty cos i havent exactly been doing much in log even thought im prayer ic. i feel like i'm floating around in the communtiy. seriously i dont do much and i want to do more as prayer ic. i always talk to god about this but i dont know why. after a while, i just feel like i dont know what im supposed to do. then the whole feeling that im lost comes back and i end up not doing anything. so part of me feels like i shouldnt be prayer ic anymore la. i dont know what god wants, havent exactly told him about it. i'm starting to feel like im rejecting god's call if i choose to step down and all. but really, i dont know what to do. sometimes i feel like i dont exactly have a purpose in log either. so yeah. guys pray for me?
what else. i think today in ac, this girl shared devotions and she mentioned is40:31 i think thats the verse? basically its the eagle's wings one. dont know, that bible quote always seems to give me strength, for that moment to keep on going, knowing that i have god by my side. i think maybe thats what been keeping me going, all this while in ac. so praise god for he is there for me all the time. though many many times, i dont feel or know he is there. i think he is la. hahaha. another thing, THINKING. thats what ive been doing, i dont know whether its a good thing cos part of me thinks that by thinking too much abt sth, i complicate matters. so yeah i pray for simple faith. the faith to believe in god no matter what, without thinking abt anything. but just knowing that for sure he's there. yeah thats what im really going to pray for. cos often i dotn realise god is there for me, until i sit down and think think think. haha
lent. 40days for journeying with the lord. i think the fact that i ponned sch on wed gave me a good start to lent. dont know, i woke up and i started praying, as in really praying. which felt good, which gave me the strength to get through the day. i think lent reminds me what it is to be a catholic, what my whole religion is about. its about this guy called jesus dying on the cross for me. wow, everytime i think about it, it just amazes me so much. someone actually died for me. so yay. i love god, no matter how tired and dead i am in my journey with him. yup so i pray that lent will be a time for me, to find god in the center of my life again. cos i think hes been pushed further and further away from the center. so yup this is my sharing, nothing much. but yes i just ask for your prayers (:
jess.
my life isn't mine
Really, i want to share today's experience with everyone. Tuesday I went to weekday mass too, praying about my problems and especially whether or not to join council. In the adoration room, i made up my mind to run for it. I felt a lot of things pointing towards running for council. As well as some reasons I realised that I forgot now but its something about a mission for me in my life. I was not very convinced yet until today...(to be continued)
So ok, I'll go back to that later. I left school late, walking with my friends to bishan interchange. Then I just missed the bus 53. So I had to take 58 to go to the bus stop outside poey's house and walk in. But the bus took so so long until I had less than 10 minutes or a lil more than 5 to walk to church. Obviously I didn't walk, I started to run and walk interchangbly coz my bag was hindering movement. In my mind I was thinking, I musn't miss any part of the mass. I must reach there on time! Then I realised, I will not have time to go for adoration before mass. So I just prayed in my heart about the problems that were bothering me while walking briskly. Reached church just on time, after a short prayer mass started.
Ok now back to the mass proper. First reading was something about being happy when we follow God's path and also other stuff. Gospel was also quite linked and talked about carrying our own cross and follow him. Or rather, the only way to follow Jesus is to carry our own cross and really sacrifice everything else. So I felt really good after that. All that I am going through now is really really a test given to me by God and I am certainly convinced. I don't have that feeling of unfairness anymore. Then I started to think, then if I join council leh? Wouldn't it be more work for me and pull me further from God? Then I answered it myself this time. It is UP TO ME whether I want to make time for God, and I know I will. Council and softball will be the things I will sweat and toil and suffer in. But at the end of the day, I will be satisfied for what I have done. :D
Mark
dear everybody.
hope all of you are doing fine right now. well, if you're not dont worry you're not alone. uh..well i want to share about my ash wednesday because it started off my lent with such a bang. painfully loud bang.
i was supposed to play the piano for lent mass..well actually i help to play the piano for all the morning masses and stuff but somehow i never felt like i was doing the right thing. its not like how i play the piano in sjc's masses or even in log sessions where i sincerly feel like i play because i want to play for God. but in cjc i dont even know what i am doing because i keep getting so intimidated by everyone who attends the masses.
well the thing is, wednesday was a day off for the j1s because of the alvl results release. and when i found out abt it i thought about withdrawing from playing for morning mass because i was seriously shacked both physically and emo and i really wanted a day to sleep in. and then i realised that waking up even though i literally couldnt stand anymore and just going to school for mass could be my first sort of penance for lent, after all i would want to go mass just for God.
and really..when i woke up yesterday morning at 5 i felt sick like sick as in really fed up with things sick. God is amazing though. He managed to pull me all the way to cjc even though i thought of faking sick and not going for mass. so first of all, i was tired beyond any possible extend cos i dont remember having a proper sleep since the olvl results. next, i was suddenly intimidated by the number of j2s and musicallyinclinedandknowlegable teachers around and third i just didnt feel like playing for mass. naturally i was quite messed. i completly forgot that ash wednesday's mass had a second reading and i started playing the acclaimation right after the responsarial psalm. the chords came out weird for no reason and stuff like that. i didnt mess up the mass..there wasnt any major screwups in the songs but it was enough to make me miserably aware that i just wasnt in the right state of mind.
and to add to the joy, one of my teachers came up to me after mass and commented on how badly i played for mass and was like, how come you didnt follow the beats and made everyone confused on when to come in at the chorus and stuff like that. i guess this really made me realise that sometime we say things that can cut someone really deep without ourselves realising it. i got so fed up with my teacher i just walked right out of the prayer room. and really now i wonder how i am going to face my teacher now.
one of the reasons why i switched ministries at after the 2nd core team elections away from music was because i knew that i wasnt playing those songs for God. and over the months last year to now i finally slowly got to learn to let Him take control of what talents He gave me and use them to glorify Him alone.
golly. those months of learning to play the keyboard for the right reason was a cross in itself. and when i finally learnt to use it well i get shot down so hard.
i havent actually had time to think about what happened yesterday. and now that i am able to reflect on what happened i realised that partly because of what happened at cjc's mass made me not go for mass later on at sfx. whatever it was, that was just the first day of lent and i have 39 more days to go. im not being pessimistic..i dont know why i said that even.
well i take it as what i would be facing this lent. despite all the crosses that have already come without waiting for me to be prepared for them, im feeling great in a rather strange way. its just a feeling that even though things arent going perfectly, i've got the support of my community and God there for me all the way through.
and that's probably the best feeling ive had in ages.
have a blessed lent, ppl.
anne.
Time to laugh!!
Hello! Cheer up! Life's meant to go through with a cheerful heart, as God loved us so much that He made an entire world for us!
"Ask and you shall receive", but firstly "seek an you shall find". Do i ask too much from God, do i give?
It's an irony that life's have to be a difficult and painful to be fun. Yes! Take up the challenge with a grateful heart! It seems that sometimes we must hold onto happiness while sometime we have to let go in order to experience what God has prepared for us. In this society, it's important to survive WHOLE, intact with our morals and values.
cini
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______________________________________________Tuesday, March 28, 2006
this place is dying. haha.
anyways i don't really have the time and determination to type a long entry here, so just remeber... IT'S LENT. I dunno why but it kinda helps when i remember its lent. the difficulties and trials that we face everyday seem particularly significant during lent. my brain isnt really working so don't blame me if this doesn't make sense. just wanted to update this thing too anyways. yep. so. take care people!
divine office this friday at 830! try to come!
-jes
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______________________________________________Monday, March 20, 2006
LOTS OF LOVE
hello log! i love you (:
this blog needs more happy posts so thats why im here. happy cheery fun buddy poey. hello log im here to spread my love because i now know how much you mean to me and i love you all very very much (: and if i dont seem to be loving you as much as you think i should then you should ask me for it (: hahahahaha sorry im a bit crazy now
god is great in my life :D i love god :) because he has given me all of you! and all of you are the best people i could ever hope to share my life with. praise god for all of you (: like sundays are the days i look forward to the most.
sunday when i came home i was stoning and then i saw a book on my book shelf. some completely useless boring unnecesary manual to some boring thing. and for some stupid reason i pulled it out to see how useless it was. and then from behind it fell out the Divine Mercy. and you know how everybody's been saying to pray the divine mercy. and then here it was! given to me from nowhere and i didnt even know i had a copy! so i kept it beside my bed and prayed for gods love and thanksgiving and i went to bed knowing that god was with me always (:
and i will pray the diving mercy every night before i sleep for god has honoured me with all he has blessed me in my life and i will honour god and be devoted to him ( as the divine mercy says!)
so yes all of you go pray the divine mercy. yes yes you should. if it doesnt fall from your bookcase, go and buy one!
okay byebye lots of lots of love poey (:
and with infinite love, god :D
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______________________________________________Days spent pondering
Hai....aiya!
Lost again and again in this interesting maze of life. I don't know why I'm in LoG or CJ or in the Atar Servers. WHAT AM I DOING?
Am i just following the group? Maybe i should just leave....
What's my reason and direction in life??? i think i slack off now.
May of you will say that Jesus is your reason or life...i can't bring myself to say it, even if to myself, in other words make Him my reason. Must be some ego and arrogance of mine.Am i too selfish to only consider my dreams and ambitions? i also realised that it's too easy to be carried of trying to get high...often through emptying measures. Often i like to peer into shadows in a quiet place to regain perpective... and to calm down.
Giving is the theme of CJ this year. In today's readings and Gospel, what i find remarkable in how Joseph place his trust into the Lord and was selfless in the way he took Mary for his wife. At that time, even till now in the middle east, a virgin wife was expected. Abraham also place his faith onto the Lord, but unlike Joeseph received wealth. Joseph demanded nothing, not even an explanation for what he was ask to do. (On a side note, presenting Jesus to the temple as the law required must had cost a bomb for that poor carpenter's family.) In his little way, he gave everything.
Also to giving, one must graciously receive gifts from others. The teachers give us lessons. I feel guilty for being so sleepy in class today. How can we give if we don't graciously receive?
Let's us all make a wish each now...maybe a prayer!
Anyway...may God bless us all! Amen.
Cini
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______________________________________________Sunday, March 19, 2006
Trust
Ok well, I decided to blog because I noticed a difference in myself, or rather in my way of thinking. I did really badly during the match this morning and coach substituted me straight away, this partly means my chances of making the team is hugely cut and he is disappointed with my performance. Simpler word - screwed. Then I return to my "why my life is like that, why did I screw up, why is life so unfair?" I just didn't really like this feeling of not getting what I want. But this time, right after I got subbed out, I just look up to the sky and said, if its your will let it be so. I surrender everything up to God and He knows what is best for me. I thought because I will have council commitments too if i get in and getting into the team would mean I'll be really tied down and everything. Perhaps, God is never foolish, today's gospel, God's foolishness is still smarter than the human wisdom. Although I still did have that lingering feeling of why my life is turning out this way. Cross I'll have to carry, but as long as I place my trust in the Lord, I will be who the Lord wants me to be.
It has been a tough start to jc, and for all those who are also struggling to come to terms with a new environment and people, place your trust in the Lord and do your best. :D
God Bless
Mark
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______________________________________________Sleepy head writes
Well...i've decided to write while all or most of you're asleep or attending mass...plus it has been a bit of a holiday for us. It has been the first time the march holidays has been a holiday for us! Thank God...I need a rest after worrying too much!
So...what's life suppose to mean for us? A life for others? For ourselves?i supposse some or all of you will come up with a life for God.
Furthermore(practising my English), How's life suppose to be? A bed of roses? I guess life should have it''s nice and bad moments, ups and downs etc. Life is filled with it's many possibbilites and uncertainties. But I hink a Catholic's(Christian"s if you want it otherwise) life should be more difficult as we had promise to help build the kingdom of God. blah blah
Well now....how are we going to deal with life? I think that it's your decision(S)!
Take care!
Cini
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______________________________________________Monday, March 13, 2006
hey loggers...
i'm like finally back to blog again. it's been a long time i feel. well.
ok. i kind of posted on my own blog already but well. just want to say that i really thank God for you all. i really thank God for bringing me to LOG in a very out of nowhere extremely unexpected way. to keep me there at the beginning even though i didn't really want to stay also. and it's just so amazing that He kept me here although there were many times that i almost decided not to stay. well.
if i didn't have you guys i wouldn't have been able to lifted up from all my despair this week. the fact that SDYR was there made it better too. i mean who would have known that when i decided ( as a oh ok lor decision ) to participate in this rally thingy..who would have known that it would have come as such an important part of my life. who would have known that God would have spoken to me and come to me so strongly through this rally. imagine if it were held on the original day? one week earlier. then what would i be now. living in despair..totally lost God SOMEWHERE in my desperation. i just realised this now. and i realised how God has been so amazing to me. all for me. a sinner.
i havent been blogging because i was too caught up with my emotions to even think about what i'm feeling and why i should not be or should be. and i lost God somewhere along the way. it's like how yes i know He's there. and He's what i need. yes i know i know. but. my thoughts just keep pushing it out of my mind...and i don't know. i just lost Him.
i'm glad to have gotten Him back. it seems like it's been a long time since i've had a nice conversation with God until i managed to calm down i think maybe thur or fri. and i guess things got better. God does things in such mysterious ways.
but i got what He promised. i asked for help. He gave it to me ever so often. He gave and gave and gave so generously until it was all clear enough for me to see. it's like shouting me you know..like my dear clarice!!!!! i am here!!!i am here!!! don't you realise all those people have been sent by me to help you...and NOW then you realise that i was there helping you all along..even before you asked. how blind i was really.
it's time to move on. really.
when i look at it this way. when i go to work...it's not gonna be just two year. but many many MANY years that i'm gonna be stuck with people i don't like (hopefully not so many). and i guess now the fact that it's only two years..and i'm only there to get a nice Alevel cert...just do it! and get it over and done with man. how bad can it get. SIGH. yeah.
and what's more. i have God!!! amazing God.
thank you for the prayers.
thank God for answering my and others' prayers.
well i think it's amazing how i would say that this is the worst week of mylife...but now i can't really say that anymore. because at the end of this half-a-worst week of my life...God came and shouted in my face:"I'M HERE DAMN IT! JUST TRUST IN ME AND LET GO." and everything became better.
i can't say that this is the worst week of my life anymore. He didn't let me. (:
praise God.
rice.
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______________________________________________Sunday, March 12, 2006
kris' turn
booya.
well. im sorry if igt really tired i just stone. but its just me physically. spiritually im fine. morning worship and all really helps (: ubt anw. this songs just on my mind and i guess the lyrics are just really meaningful
jesus lover of my soul
jesus i will never let you go
you've taken me from the miry clay
set my feet upon the rock
now i know
i love you i need you,
though my world may fall i'll never let you go
my savior, my closest friend,
i will worship you
until the very end
kris
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______________________________________________SDYR!
Ok ok, I am still very very high. :D:D I was really looking forward to this. It has been my wish to evangelise but sometimes it is not in my means to reach out to a lot of people. I even have trouble trying to get an inactive catholic back to church. Although today it was just carrying stuff and ushering, I hope the non-catholics can see our effort. And also during p&w, see our faces, and see God in us. I gotta say I was so so tempted to start dancing and singing at the pre rally p&w already. Haha, but I still did ushering and stuff while clapping and singing. I was feeling very cheerful and stuff. Felt like nothing really bad has ever happened in my life. God has taken it off me. So I can face the people coming in with a grateful heart and really show God to others. Saw St anne's ppl! Saw a guy from RJ haha, i just like shouted his name and went to give him a half hug. He was shocked duh but nvm. :D The turnout was seriously not bad la.
Then ok the program started, I watched it during rehearsal already but this time it was even more real. The testimonials rocked. Rehearsal I was sniffing during first testimonial and the second one felt really close to my heart. Although not break up but I think rejection can be really tough too. Moreover, this time it was cause me and that girl were quite close and suddenly this had to fall on me. But really, during the rally, I kept thinking about this issue, but I never felt any pain at all. Prase the Lord! I went through all the things Leonard said, whatever he thought I did to. But really, praise the Lord that I didn't need to go through the desertion of faith then coming back to God again. Praise the Lord that he gave me the faith to tide it through. Praise the Lord for LOG which has always been there for me. Praise the Lord for my friends who have talked to me. Adoration was beautiful, I sometimes couldn't bring myself to say Lord, I adore you, Lord I love you because I know I have really sinned against him so many times and I am not worthy to say it. I have doubted him many times during this dark period of jc life and went back to him again. I really felt guilty. However, the last part of p&w was even more beautiful. first 2 songs I didn't know how to sing really so i just hum along and listening to the lyrics. Then came shout to the lord, all my life and king of majesty. The last 2 songs I just learnt during rehearsal. I felt everything leaving me, all my worries and burdens. In came this electric feeling and I really think it was the holy spirit. I really smiled, and was feeling very very grateful jsut like wad leonard had said. I was smiling, after 2 months of jc life, i was smiling. I opened up my eyes, and discovered, i was sweating but my skin felt so cooling. A wonderful feeling! A tangible experience with God. Right after that, when i sat down, again what happened before seemed to be another segment of my life. Blurred. I told some ppl before, that whenever I am in ado room and after i come out. I feel that the time i spent in ado room is another segment of my life. Something apart, like exclusive put aside for God and when I exit that period of time and place I go back to my life. Of course, God is always with me, but when i speak to him, and he speaks to me, we go to another world. Another paradise in my heart. Such a beautiful and comfortable feeling. Lord, I LOVE YOU!
mark
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______________________________________________Saturday, March 11, 2006
this blog is slowwwwwly dying. guess we're all kinda busy huh.
school has been kinda slack for me. sian most of the time... anyways lent hasnt exactly been all that meaningful to me. or at least not yet. been having a bit of trouble with my faith, i guess it may be the result of not holding on to my faith tight enough in a secular school. Everything is a little fuzzy now. However after stations of the cross today i felt a little better. haven't had stations in quite a while. yep. just felt like updating this place. aint really in the mood to blog.
btw what happened to log shirt? hee.
-jes*
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______________________________________________Tuesday, March 07, 2006
hallo everybody..ive actually been intending to blog the past few days but i dont know..something kept stopping me. i guess it was just because i was beyond frustrated with the way crosses were just piling up on me for the past 3 weeks that i didnt feel like talking my problems out were going to help because all i needed was a miracle which didnt seem to come.
i wouldnt want to say what ive been so down about here on this blog, but what added on to the hell ive been going through was my cj life. i didnt enjoy my first day of orientation2 one bit because i was so anxious about whether my class would get back together, and while that might not sound like such a big deal even when i reread it, somehow it just pulled me down even more because i was afraid i got sent to a class which i completly hated because more than anything i just wanted my PAE class back.
and to add on, i pretty much screwed up the whole rehearsal for my band in our final rockafella rehearsal yesterday. i messed up my synthesist solo for the first song and the screamo part for the greenday song so bad the facils watching didnt laugh at me only for the reason that they felt too embarrased for me. and right after the rehearsal i went straight up to my band and told them i wanted to back out of my solo. quite obviously, they didnt let me. and we had a good, ungodly 2 hours straightening things out among our band. and at that moment i realised i had 2 choices..to stay doing my screaming, well humiliate myself infront of a good 800 crowd and save my band or do otherwise. that's why i said ungodly. i was practically dumbstruck at how superficial i was acting yesterday. i mean, all my life ive laughed at how stupid and immature those kids were on tv for trying so hard be popular and not get ousted but yesterday i guess everything fell right back to me.
so naturally i could well say that yesterday was the best day of my last 3 weeks of hell. to the point that i was even quite annoyed at how so many others had such a fun time yesterday at orientation and i didnt because i didnt allow myself to.
and today things just got worse. suddenly i just felt so out of all the orientations and stuff..it was something ive never felt in cj before but at that moment i felt like i just wasnt meant to stick around and play all the TBGs with fake enthusiasm and stuff. so i just faked a sprained ankle to my facil and sat at the grand stand stoning while everyone else had fun. and some 5 seconds later i found myself sneaking off and running away from the TBG area. i knew id get into serious trouble for running off..but at that point i just didnt care anymore. i didnt know where i was running to but i just wanted to get away and i just felt someone pulling me over to the prayer room.
i really didnt want anyone finding me so i locked the room and just stayed there in darkness before the cross. and i was going to rant. i just felt all the hell ive gone through for the past 3 weeks rise up in my and i was going to practically scream everything ive been feeling out when something within me stopped me and said 'go tell your Mother.'
ive turned to the rosary all my life but ever since this year & worse off, i joined legion of Mary and i dont even say my catena regularly and stopped the rosary. and i realised what ive missed this year. and in the prayer room i just felt Her with me. and the emergency novena which ive kept always with me but never said, i just did. over and over for God knows how long i was in there. and at the end of it all i cannot describe to you all in words how i felt this weight just lift off me and the inner peace which id been begging for since He gave me that cross.
i believed miracles would come and they did. for some strange reason the TBG got jetdragged and they didnt even notice that i was gone. and when i got back to my IG, i never had such a more energetic and enthusiastic mass dance with the friends i never bothered to get to know. and after school i went for the final rehearsal for rockafella with my band and praise God and i mean it, one of my band member volunteered to take over my part of the song. and somehow everything just fell into place for my band in that last runthrough. all the flabaggasting gossips trash bitching and frustrations that came up just died off when we played. and things just felt right.
and as for that problem that's still with me since 3 weeks ago, for the first time i really feel like my prayer actually reached God. and that's really an amazing feeling. never mind how much longer i'd be carrying this cross..i actually now know for sure im not carrying this alone.
im blessed because She interceded for me. im blessed because He answered my prayers. im blessed because He gave my the wisdom to know that He will answer my unanswered prayers soon. im blessed because i have so many loggers in cjc with me. im blessed because i get to pray for my friends who want to get into cjc and i get to journey in their faith together because of this. im blessed because im suffering. all the more id know that that's a great thing because i love my God so much i am helping Him carrying part of the cross.
just an add on, the emergency novena is a prayer to Mary in times of desperate needs. say the memorare 9 times consecutively with faith.
stay strong this lent, ppl.
anne.
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______________________________________________7.3.06
Well...the blog seems pretty inactive. I probably can post because there's no orientaion for me.
So...my story starts from Friday. On Friday, i went to AJ to check out my result. I was too lazy to use my computer. I went to school, and found out oi was posted to TPJC. It made me pase for a moment, but I was not suprised as i thought i might nopt go to CJ. I went to talk to my CCA teacher about my appeal. It so happens that there were 2 other teachers. I'm notorious to the pe department. THeyt were sort of suprise that I could not enter CJ. Anyway, I decided to to go to appeal to CJ.
I took 853 to Ang Mo Kio Ave 1 and walk to church.I prayed for a while in the adoratuion room, feeling a worried. There i called Father Gerard. He needed to go give comunion to the sick in Ling Kwuang Home as it was the first Friday of the month. We went in his ancient car. When i went there, it was an eye opener. There were sick people, weak yet joyfully receiving comunion. Communion was given out to several bed-ridden people. There was some tone-deafed and blind person. He was recently found out to be a Catholic. Though he could not had possibly known what weas happening, he somehow sense what was happening. In every one of thos people, I could see a fire in their eyes for God. I wonder if I too have it. Fether gerard siad that dying too early and late is bad. I said that dying after finishing what you want to would be the best. Then, when he asked me if iI believed in the afterlife, I replied that I hope there is. Hai... too little faith.
We returned to his office and he helped me find out my chances of appealing into CJ.
After that, I went home, ate my lunch and get some documents. I returned and received the letter. Next, I went to CJ and appeal. I met many of my friends there and also Evonne. Then I had to go to Maris Stella to get my testimonial. Though it was quite time consuming, I had some hope in my heart as everything seems to be going according to my plan.
I returned home for a short rest before going tolabrador park to attend my old Scout unit's investiture. On the way, I became lost beofre arriving at Hougang Interchange. There I hop onto another bus 51. On the way, I drop too early, then spent 2 hours wondering, walking from Geylang to Kallanf Bahru and taking buses many time. Thank goodness I'd found 51. I was despairing and panicking. Luckily, God made me realised to calm down. Even that would not had gotten me my bus. Then....I made it to Labrador Park!!!
During that time, I had some fun. Eating what's left and chatting woth old friends. We went out for supper at 12++ and ate spme famous roti prata at Pasir Panjang. Luckily we did not walk there, it would had been the morning when we arrived back. Well...we'd had a good time.
After an hour of sleep, I prepared foir my interview. I went to AJ and found out my appeal was changed to a general one. I was a bit...Also, i realised that I had lost many of my roots.
Well... I went to my class outing. We had some fun then. I was tired then. We'd a last chance to be together. I'd realised that I should be preparing to settle in TPJC. After all, my appeals are likely to fail. At night, I'd receive a call from one of my friends asking me to hwlp refer hewr friend to the track and field teacher to appeal through. Well...I almost didn't do it as....very hard to say. But I'd sdid it anyway...believing I should not compromise my relationships due to myself.
On Monday, I had the most boring school day of my life. I'd realised that I'd wasted my day. I was told by my father that I should take this time to socialise as I'll be too busy once the next term starts. I'm worried that I'll not be able to concentrate in tpjc as i want to go to cj. Well..let's wait and see. All you who want something do not give up hope yet!
Cini
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______________________________________________Thursday, March 02, 2006
jess writes
hello there (: you know i havent blogged here before i think, maybe once. in fact i hardly blog to start with. hahah i visit this blog once in a while but i dont know why i never blogged. anyway you know all your sharings really keep me going when everythings seems to just suck. so yes this is my sharing
okay i dont know why, but ive been feeling sorta guilty cos i havent exactly been doing much in log even thought im prayer ic. i feel like i'm floating around in the communtiy. seriously i dont do much and i want to do more as prayer ic. i always talk to god about this but i dont know why. after a while, i just feel like i dont know what im supposed to do. then the whole feeling that im lost comes back and i end up not doing anything. so part of me feels like i shouldnt be prayer ic anymore la. i dont know what god wants, havent exactly told him about it. i'm starting to feel like im rejecting god's call if i choose to step down and all. but really, i dont know what to do. sometimes i feel like i dont exactly have a purpose in log either. so yeah. guys pray for me?
what else. i think today in ac, this girl shared devotions and she mentioned is40:31 i think thats the verse? basically its the eagle's wings one. dont know, that bible quote always seems to give me strength, for that moment to keep on going, knowing that i have god by my side. i think maybe thats what been keeping me going, all this while in ac. so praise god for he is there for me all the time. though many many times, i dont feel or know he is there. i think he is la. hahaha. another thing, THINKING. thats what ive been doing, i dont know whether its a good thing cos part of me thinks that by thinking too much abt sth, i complicate matters. so yeah i pray for simple faith. the faith to believe in god no matter what, without thinking abt anything. but just knowing that for sure he's there. yeah thats what im really going to pray for. cos often i dotn realise god is there for me, until i sit down and think think think. haha
lent. 40days for journeying with the lord. i think the fact that i ponned sch on wed gave me a good start to lent. dont know, i woke up and i started praying, as in really praying. which felt good, which gave me the strength to get through the day. i think lent reminds me what it is to be a catholic, what my whole religion is about. its about this guy called jesus dying on the cross for me. wow, everytime i think about it, it just amazes me so much. someone actually died for me. so yay. i love god, no matter how tired and dead i am in my journey with him. yup so i pray that lent will be a time for me, to find god in the center of my life again. cos i think hes been pushed further and further away from the center. so yup this is my sharing, nothing much. but yes i just ask for your prayers (:
jess.
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______________________________________________my life isn't mine
Really, i want to share today's experience with everyone. Tuesday I went to weekday mass too, praying about my problems and especially whether or not to join council. In the adoration room, i made up my mind to run for it. I felt a lot of things pointing towards running for council. As well as some reasons I realised that I forgot now but its something about a mission for me in my life. I was not very convinced yet until today...(to be continued)
So ok, I'll go back to that later. I left school late, walking with my friends to bishan interchange. Then I just missed the bus 53. So I had to take 58 to go to the bus stop outside poey's house and walk in. But the bus took so so long until I had less than 10 minutes or a lil more than 5 to walk to church. Obviously I didn't walk, I started to run and walk interchangbly coz my bag was hindering movement. In my mind I was thinking, I musn't miss any part of the mass. I must reach there on time! Then I realised, I will not have time to go for adoration before mass. So I just prayed in my heart about the problems that were bothering me while walking briskly. Reached church just on time, after a short prayer mass started.
Ok now back to the mass proper. First reading was something about being happy when we follow God's path and also other stuff. Gospel was also quite linked and talked about carrying our own cross and follow him. Or rather, the only way to follow Jesus is to carry our own cross and really sacrifice everything else. So I felt really good after that. All that I am going through now is really really a test given to me by God and I am certainly convinced. I don't have that feeling of unfairness anymore. Then I started to think, then if I join council leh? Wouldn't it be more work for me and pull me further from God? Then I answered it myself this time. It is UP TO ME whether I want to make time for God, and I know I will. Council and softball will be the things I will sweat and toil and suffer in. But at the end of the day, I will be satisfied for what I have done. :D
Mark
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______________________________________________dear everybody.
hope all of you are doing fine right now. well, if you're not dont worry you're not alone. uh..well i want to share about my ash wednesday because it started off my lent with such a bang. painfully loud bang.
i was supposed to play the piano for lent mass..well actually i help to play the piano for all the morning masses and stuff but somehow i never felt like i was doing the right thing. its not like how i play the piano in sjc's masses or even in log sessions where i sincerly feel like i play because i want to play for God. but in cjc i dont even know what i am doing because i keep getting so intimidated by everyone who attends the masses.
well the thing is, wednesday was a day off for the j1s because of the alvl results release. and when i found out abt it i thought about withdrawing from playing for morning mass because i was seriously shacked both physically and emo and i really wanted a day to sleep in. and then i realised that waking up even though i literally couldnt stand anymore and just going to school for mass could be my first sort of penance for lent, after all i would want to go mass just for God.
and really..when i woke up yesterday morning at 5 i felt sick like sick as in really fed up with things sick. God is amazing though. He managed to pull me all the way to cjc even though i thought of faking sick and not going for mass. so first of all, i was tired beyond any possible extend cos i dont remember having a proper sleep since the olvl results. next, i was suddenly intimidated by the number of j2s and musicallyinclinedandknowlegable teachers around and third i just didnt feel like playing for mass. naturally i was quite messed. i completly forgot that ash wednesday's mass had a second reading and i started playing the acclaimation right after the responsarial psalm. the chords came out weird for no reason and stuff like that. i didnt mess up the mass..there wasnt any major screwups in the songs but it was enough to make me miserably aware that i just wasnt in the right state of mind.
and to add to the joy, one of my teachers came up to me after mass and commented on how badly i played for mass and was like, how come you didnt follow the beats and made everyone confused on when to come in at the chorus and stuff like that. i guess this really made me realise that sometime we say things that can cut someone really deep without ourselves realising it. i got so fed up with my teacher i just walked right out of the prayer room. and really now i wonder how i am going to face my teacher now.
one of the reasons why i switched ministries at after the 2nd core team elections away from music was because i knew that i wasnt playing those songs for God. and over the months last year to now i finally slowly got to learn to let Him take control of what talents He gave me and use them to glorify Him alone.
golly. those months of learning to play the keyboard for the right reason was a cross in itself. and when i finally learnt to use it well i get shot down so hard.
i havent actually had time to think about what happened yesterday. and now that i am able to reflect on what happened i realised that partly because of what happened at cjc's mass made me not go for mass later on at sfx. whatever it was, that was just the first day of lent and i have 39 more days to go. im not being pessimistic..i dont know why i said that even.
well i take it as what i would be facing this lent. despite all the crosses that have already come without waiting for me to be prepared for them, im feeling great in a rather strange way. its just a feeling that even though things arent going perfectly, i've got the support of my community and God there for me all the way through.
and that's probably the best feeling ive had in ages.
have a blessed lent, ppl.
anne.