Tuesday, February 21, 2006
i had a bad week. or actually i cant say bad, because i can be sure i havent been so down in my life before. im tired of everything happening so fast but theres just no time to stop and take a break. im tired of my jc life and somehow more than ever ive been wishing for a retreat of some sort like the end years one to come suddenly. i dont know..everything seems to suck at the same time. my class apparantly noted it best because theyve been telling me theyve never seen such a drastic change in anyone before. im always told to keep praying, and just to know that if im in such a low point of my life, id probably had hit rock bottom so things cant possibly get worse. then again at such hell im going through, its interesting to see how God sends me to people all the more.
He spoke to me today in the most unexpected way through my cross country. i didnt finish top20 like how i hoped for before but somehow i barely took notice of that in the end. i was running and my feet suddenly started to hurt in a way ive never felt since my operation. yeah i know im stupid for not declaring that i have all these health problems at all. so, i couldnt blame anyone when my hyperventilation attack hit me twice during the run either. basically, i was dying. and i heard someone speaking to me i dont know how but i just did it said smthng like 'that's barely the pain He recieved' and while running through macritchie at that same moment i saw an image of Jesus on the way to calvary. then i saw a Jew being tortured by nazis. im not saying i wasnt freaked. i just didnt expect these things.
somehow i understand things better now. the cross country in itself was a physical cross for me. im so caught up in the thought that crosses come in illnesses and depressions and emos but i never thought of how all this hell i go through by running is actually me sharing in the physical pains of everyone all over the world. it'd just make me finally understand how much pain they are in.
im not saying my life is exactly back on track yet. right after the run i started freaking out because i couldnt get transport back to church and when i finally did, well some things just got worse. but i'll come out of this phrase im stuck in for the moment. i cant possibly be stuck like this state for the rest of my life. God will help me out. just in His own time. my life isnt going in its best state now, but in what im going through Jesus spoke to me in a way that struck me harder than any of the other times He did.
thank God for this blog.
its amazes me at how much i feel Him speaking to LOG through this blog.
anne.
i had a bad week. or actually i cant say bad, because i can be sure i havent been so down in my life before. im tired of everything happening so fast but theres just no time to stop and take a break. im tired of my jc life and somehow more than ever ive been wishing for a retreat of some sort like the end years one to come suddenly. i dont know..everything seems to suck at the same time. my class apparantly noted it best because theyve been telling me theyve never seen such a drastic change in anyone before. im always told to keep praying, and just to know that if im in such a low point of my life, id probably had hit rock bottom so things cant possibly get worse. then again at such hell im going through, its interesting to see how God sends me to people all the more.
He spoke to me today in the most unexpected way through my cross country. i didnt finish top20 like how i hoped for before but somehow i barely took notice of that in the end. i was running and my feet suddenly started to hurt in a way ive never felt since my operation. yeah i know im stupid for not declaring that i have all these health problems at all. so, i couldnt blame anyone when my hyperventilation attack hit me twice during the run either. basically, i was dying. and i heard someone speaking to me i dont know how but i just did it said smthng like 'that's barely the pain He recieved' and while running through macritchie at that same moment i saw an image of Jesus on the way to calvary. then i saw a Jew being tortured by nazis. im not saying i wasnt freaked. i just didnt expect these things.
somehow i understand things better now. the cross country in itself was a physical cross for me. im so caught up in the thought that crosses come in illnesses and depressions and emos but i never thought of how all this hell i go through by running is actually me sharing in the physical pains of everyone all over the world. it'd just make me finally understand how much pain they are in.
im not saying my life is exactly back on track yet. right after the run i started freaking out because i couldnt get transport back to church and when i finally did, well some things just got worse. but i'll come out of this phrase im stuck in for the moment. i cant possibly be stuck like this state for the rest of my life. God will help me out. just in His own time. my life isnt going in its best state now, but in what im going through Jesus spoke to me in a way that struck me harder than any of the other times He did.
thank God for this blog.
its amazes me at how much i feel Him speaking to LOG through this blog.
anne.