Wednesday, April 05, 2006
hey guys..it's been a seemingly long time since i've blogged. let's see how my life is changing alright...
for the last few days i've realised that i am fearful. fearful of the things i know would happen to me...just to make me stronger..and of course everything that is best for me and everything that glorifies God and of course..these things..are crosses.things that will bring pain. things that will hurt. test me. stretch me. and i realised that i started becoming paranoid. becoming scared. afraid that the things that i looked forward to would turn out to be a disaster..afraid that now since things are getting better..my world would crash soon. all these paranoia started to get to me.
and yesterday during mass..[ok i wasn't exactly paying attention..kinda drifted off a bit] i suddenly told myself [or maybe it was God telling me] it's because you keep holding on to earthly things to make you happy!!! and these things would obviously disappoint you. and the thing is all you found joy in was God and the joy that God's way brings...you will never be upset. and then i thought to myself..why should i let other sinners kill the joy that Jesus brings? why should i make myself a sinner..having made so many people suffer along with me just cause i felt i made a mistake in school choice...all cause of other sinners? people who aren't important..people who will come and go. and yet God will be there forever and ever.
number one. i still get upset once in awhile of course. but at least i know where and how to channel those emotions to somewhere else.
next. i was once again reminded that a sin is a sin is a sin. i mean no matter how small you think your sin is. it is still a sin and a sin is a sin IS A SIN!!!!! and how blinded i was. how blinded i was..thinking that i was alright because my sins were minor. but when i went for confession...the Father's reaction hit me straight in the face. and suddenly i realised...no matter how small..it is still a sin!!!! A SIN IS A SIN IS A SIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE TO CHANGE. i have to start to love. i have to stop being so selfish.
you know suddenly today i felt excited suddenly. excited to love those who hate me. because i haven't met the people in my cca yet. and i'm meeting them tmr...and i was so scared that people wil hate me. or ostracize me or sth. cause there are only TWO 2nd intakers. and she's not in some sections that i'm in. so that makes me the only one!!!! i'm still scared. but suddenly i feel an inner strength..that just might help me to love those i normally won't be able to accept.
you never know how you'll be able to handle a situation until the situation comes and you realise [sometimes] that what you thought would be the way you would react is not quite accurate.
whatever it is. turn to God and praise GOd for everything.
i really really miss LOG a lot. and i realise that i haven't been really praying properly! i always fall asleep. SHUCKS. that's horrid. I MISS LOG. really i do. i pray that GOd will keep all of you safe. not just physically but spiritually and emotionally.
pray for strength. because i seriously need it.
God gives you so many blessings!!! just OPEN YOUR EYES and stop looking at others...look at yourself..and SEE the many blessings. and rejoice (:
i love LOG. (: (: (: (: (: (: !!!!
ricey.
hey guys..it's been a seemingly long time since i've blogged. let's see how my life is changing alright...
for the last few days i've realised that i am fearful. fearful of the things i know would happen to me...just to make me stronger..and of course everything that is best for me and everything that glorifies God and of course..these things..are crosses.things that will bring pain. things that will hurt. test me. stretch me. and i realised that i started becoming paranoid. becoming scared. afraid that the things that i looked forward to would turn out to be a disaster..afraid that now since things are getting better..my world would crash soon. all these paranoia started to get to me.
and yesterday during mass..[ok i wasn't exactly paying attention..kinda drifted off a bit] i suddenly told myself [or maybe it was God telling me] it's because you keep holding on to earthly things to make you happy!!! and these things would obviously disappoint you. and the thing is all you found joy in was God and the joy that God's way brings...you will never be upset. and then i thought to myself..why should i let other sinners kill the joy that Jesus brings? why should i make myself a sinner..having made so many people suffer along with me just cause i felt i made a mistake in school choice...all cause of other sinners? people who aren't important..people who will come and go. and yet God will be there forever and ever.
number one. i still get upset once in awhile of course. but at least i know where and how to channel those emotions to somewhere else.
next. i was once again reminded that a sin is a sin is a sin. i mean no matter how small you think your sin is. it is still a sin and a sin is a sin IS A SIN!!!!! and how blinded i was. how blinded i was..thinking that i was alright because my sins were minor. but when i went for confession...the Father's reaction hit me straight in the face. and suddenly i realised...no matter how small..it is still a sin!!!! A SIN IS A SIN IS A SIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE TO CHANGE. i have to start to love. i have to stop being so selfish.
you know suddenly today i felt excited suddenly. excited to love those who hate me. because i haven't met the people in my cca yet. and i'm meeting them tmr...and i was so scared that people wil hate me. or ostracize me or sth. cause there are only TWO 2nd intakers. and she's not in some sections that i'm in. so that makes me the only one!!!! i'm still scared. but suddenly i feel an inner strength..that just might help me to love those i normally won't be able to accept.
you never know how you'll be able to handle a situation until the situation comes and you realise [sometimes] that what you thought would be the way you would react is not quite accurate.
whatever it is. turn to God and praise GOd for everything.
i really really miss LOG a lot. and i realise that i haven't been really praying properly! i always fall asleep. SHUCKS. that's horrid. I MISS LOG. really i do. i pray that GOd will keep all of you safe. not just physically but spiritually and emotionally.
pray for strength. because i seriously need it.
God gives you so many blessings!!! just OPEN YOUR EYES and stop looking at others...look at yourself..and SEE the many blessings. and rejoice (:
i love LOG. (: (: (: (: (: (: !!!!
ricey.