Sunday, May 14, 2006
-note- my keyboard is weird and im lazy to correct typs so... go figure!
hello log. i realized i havent blogged here for like... eons.
i never really liked blogging here and on my blog.. (can't really multitask! lol)
anyways, todays session really pricked a conscience... my family being no really together very often and all (not to mention half isn't catholic so it makes it a bit more different) sigh i don't really know what to do, all i know is that at the end of the day, family just gives you that (VERY) deep warm feeling that lets you know there's a net below to catch you even though the net is quite far down ( think walking on a tightrope in circus) .
Besides that, i realized that LoG is cool. has the ability to really make you feel ... serenity. haha like today i was sitting at the super front pew with my mommy (it was mothers day!) then when the Loggers went up for communion i just saw you people and this smile just crept across my face. ( goodness that just sounds weird) ANYWAY it was just nice to feel the logger love. haha.
Funny. i thought my faith was... roughly in place but it seems to have disappeared once again. my mind is distracted by 'unholy' random thoughts. haha. i mean like... i just concentrate in mass anymore.. it's like... "our father in heaven holy.... hm.. who's doing session later?..our kindom come your... im hungry... give us today.. hmm should i- *shakes head.. starts feeling guilty*CONCENTRATE" and normally by the time i can concentrate, end of song. sigh. this really made me think where my faith is now and i realize i forgot about it. ignorance in this case is not bliss. i realize i don't say my prayers before i sleep anymore, i realize i don't really say grace before meals, i realized that my life doesn't center around God. Its like the fries that come with the extra value meal. I guess all i can do is to be more spiritually aware though it's kinda hard, tests, work, friends... i can't multitask for goodness sake. (im sorry if im starting to ramble)
"one way, jesus, you're the only one that i could live for"
you know, sometimes i think that ive fallen out of love with jesus. like the past year was just something like... a crush of some sort.I'm afraid that im just doing all this for the sake of being that pious catholic and not because i really really want to. BUT! as how most first crushes go... they have that special place don't they! i can see the love of god through other people but.. i just lost that relationship with god in the storm of time.
Know whats cool about god? he gave me a friendship which showed me alot. I even wanted to just run away from that friendship because i was doing the same thing to my friend as i was doing to God and i felt it was very unfair to my friend. I guess i took god's love for granted, knowing that he'll never hate me. I forgot to put myself in his shoes! so, the friendship was a super good reminder ( i saw how much i hurt god with my actions) so.. praise god. i shalln't let god go! yay. *sudden inspiration*
uh yea. so thats my sharing (oohh long post!).
thank you LoG
thank you God
thank you FAMILY!
jes
-note- my keyboard is weird and im lazy to correct typs so... go figure!
hello log. i realized i havent blogged here for like... eons.
i never really liked blogging here and on my blog.. (can't really multitask! lol)
anyways, todays session really pricked a conscience... my family being no really together very often and all (not to mention half isn't catholic so it makes it a bit more different) sigh i don't really know what to do, all i know is that at the end of the day, family just gives you that (VERY) deep warm feeling that lets you know there's a net below to catch you even though the net is quite far down ( think walking on a tightrope in circus) .
Besides that, i realized that LoG is cool. has the ability to really make you feel ... serenity. haha like today i was sitting at the super front pew with my mommy (it was mothers day!) then when the Loggers went up for communion i just saw you people and this smile just crept across my face. ( goodness that just sounds weird) ANYWAY it was just nice to feel the logger love. haha.
Funny. i thought my faith was... roughly in place but it seems to have disappeared once again. my mind is distracted by 'unholy' random thoughts. haha. i mean like... i just concentrate in mass anymore.. it's like... "our father in heaven holy.... hm.. who's doing session later?..our kindom come your... im hungry... give us today.. hmm should i- *shakes head.. starts feeling guilty*CONCENTRATE" and normally by the time i can concentrate, end of song. sigh. this really made me think where my faith is now and i realize i forgot about it. ignorance in this case is not bliss. i realize i don't say my prayers before i sleep anymore, i realize i don't really say grace before meals, i realized that my life doesn't center around God. Its like the fries that come with the extra value meal. I guess all i can do is to be more spiritually aware though it's kinda hard, tests, work, friends... i can't multitask for goodness sake. (im sorry if im starting to ramble)
"one way, jesus, you're the only one that i could live for"
you know, sometimes i think that ive fallen out of love with jesus. like the past year was just something like... a crush of some sort.I'm afraid that im just doing all this for the sake of being that pious catholic and not because i really really want to. BUT! as how most first crushes go... they have that special place don't they! i can see the love of god through other people but.. i just lost that relationship with god in the storm of time.
Know whats cool about god? he gave me a friendship which showed me alot. I even wanted to just run away from that friendship because i was doing the same thing to my friend as i was doing to God and i felt it was very unfair to my friend. I guess i took god's love for granted, knowing that he'll never hate me. I forgot to put myself in his shoes! so, the friendship was a super good reminder ( i saw how much i hurt god with my actions) so.. praise god. i shalln't let god go! yay. *sudden inspiration*
uh yea. so thats my sharing (oohh long post!).
thank you LoG
thank you God
thank you FAMILY!
jes