Monday, June 19, 2006
Hey guys. I played a tournament over the weekend, thats y I missed the session. I can only see yall on youth mass! Anyway, even though I didn't go to SFX on sunday, I went to IHM for 7am mass before rushing to my tournament. I was feeling very shit bout stuff and really life looked bleak and bland. I cannot deny that suicide crossed my mind countless times but of course it is not the right thing to do at all. So I was just walking to IHM.. I felt that i was walking faster, I had this urge to reach church as soon as possible and pray. I needed to talk to God. This internal struggle was really very unbearable and uncomfortable. So I reached church, knelt down and suddenly I did not know wad to say. But I felt myself calm down, that heavy stone in my heart disappeared and I was feeling at peace. So mass started, it was corpus christi. In the reading, it described how Jesus commanded the disciples to prepare the passover. He had the plan in place, he just needed the disciples to carry it out. The house was ready with couches and all. Then Jesus broke the bread and drank the wine as well as the disciples then prepare himself for his suffering. He knew wad was gonna happen to him, definately afraid but he prayed for the strength. My own problems cannot hold a candle to his at all. So why was I doubting God's plan? If I knew about it, I might strive to change it and it will be even worse. For quite some time, I have resigned to trusting in Him and really not asking to know the plan that He has for me. Then it was coming to communion, I suddenly had this feeling of weariness. Life hasn't made me tired, I caused myself to worry and guess and become depressed over things that don't go my way. Tears welled up and I think it happens too often nowadays but yes, He is there to guide and help me. After all, I did the session on Trust in God, and yet I am struggling to come to terms to that. After the mass I just stayed in church, didn't bother rushing. I wanted to talk to God. Thank Him for wad he has done. Thank Him for being there. I felt so much better and I know there's so much more to life..
praise God!
mark
Hey guys. I played a tournament over the weekend, thats y I missed the session. I can only see yall on youth mass! Anyway, even though I didn't go to SFX on sunday, I went to IHM for 7am mass before rushing to my tournament. I was feeling very shit bout stuff and really life looked bleak and bland. I cannot deny that suicide crossed my mind countless times but of course it is not the right thing to do at all. So I was just walking to IHM.. I felt that i was walking faster, I had this urge to reach church as soon as possible and pray. I needed to talk to God. This internal struggle was really very unbearable and uncomfortable. So I reached church, knelt down and suddenly I did not know wad to say. But I felt myself calm down, that heavy stone in my heart disappeared and I was feeling at peace. So mass started, it was corpus christi. In the reading, it described how Jesus commanded the disciples to prepare the passover. He had the plan in place, he just needed the disciples to carry it out. The house was ready with couches and all. Then Jesus broke the bread and drank the wine as well as the disciples then prepare himself for his suffering. He knew wad was gonna happen to him, definately afraid but he prayed for the strength. My own problems cannot hold a candle to his at all. So why was I doubting God's plan? If I knew about it, I might strive to change it and it will be even worse. For quite some time, I have resigned to trusting in Him and really not asking to know the plan that He has for me. Then it was coming to communion, I suddenly had this feeling of weariness. Life hasn't made me tired, I caused myself to worry and guess and become depressed over things that don't go my way. Tears welled up and I think it happens too often nowadays but yes, He is there to guide and help me. After all, I did the session on Trust in God, and yet I am struggling to come to terms to that. After the mass I just stayed in church, didn't bother rushing. I wanted to talk to God. Thank Him for wad he has done. Thank Him for being there. I felt so much better and I know there's so much more to life..
praise God!
mark