Thursday, March 19, 2009
Let's take this one step further.
Hey, thought i'd chip in my two cents worth to help revive the log blog too!
Archbishop Fulton Sheen wrote a very inspiring article once called the Decline of Controversy. He said that these days, not many people challenge the existing order; we have become fine with the status quo- the passionate have become tired, the idealistic have become realistic. And we all lose that "fire" we once experienced at that camp, or that prayer service, or that vigil. Is that what is happening here?
When was the last time we reminded a brother or a sister what Jesus would do? Or have we gone beyond that? i think we have grown older. (a little bit different from growing up, as you will see later). We've grown more experienced with the way our church operates, a little bit more familiar with the running of events and administrative duties and we have celebrated a few anniversaries. In those terms, we are old. But have we grown up? Are we more willing to stand in the midst of a crises to hold our faith close to our chest and be persecuted? Do we bring to each other a hope in which those crying can seek solace in our community? Are we becoming more charitable?
What does having a relationship involve? Well, i wont call myself a cynic in this respect, but i would think, it involves a lot of pain actually! Expectations; disappointments; misunderstandings; insensitivities etc. Giving is never easy precisely because of that. It involves abit too much. I would think that is why we wont push community abit more. Because it demands more of me, and with that, i get to be hurt maybe a bit more. So we are planners, but not brothers. We become lovers at arms' length. Not fellow disciples that fall together and hurt together.
A community must go beyond its intellectual pursuits; it must be leavened above being satisfied at "doing church work"; our community must sink its roots and values into the heart of the church; and be grounded in the catholic faith. The previous week's session was about conversion of heart. I did not have the luxury of sitting in for a session with such a powerful theme. But the conversion of heart is what the community should strive towards. Let idealism fuel passion, let each member and brother or sister bring forth a spirit of revival to seeking that which started this community in the first place. And let such revival spearhead the movements of each member's heart this lent. Which brings us to forming ourselves and others.
Formation. Now there is trans-formation, con-formation, re-formation. We are called to true transformation. Now that goes beyong the herd instinct of conformation; it definitely calls for a greater challenge than merely reforming and revisiting that which we have learnt (though that could be necessay at times!). Transformation, is the day to day living of truth. What truth? That life is a gift from God. That this gift is meant to further His glory. That His glory is furthered when we become more like Him. That we can only become like Him with His grace. And that He pours His graces to those who seek Him with a humble heart.
Let us all take this one step further. Let us be community.
Monday, March 02, 2009
hi loggers!
this blog is dead, but don't worry, i'll put it on my nick so yall will see it and come. I am just here to share about what has happened in my life these few days, and what I've been thru.
As most of yall would know, i announced on sunday my break up with felly. it was a really tough saturday, coz i still had to go for duty right after it. but going away from the place i was talking to her, i was still smiling. I thought i prepared myself pretty well for it. well good enough. as i slowly made my way to camp, i was joking about perhaps I prayed wrongly for it. for the whole of J2, i prayed for someone I could love. and just perhaps, i left out and didn't say "and someone to love me in return." i suppressed it until i alighted from my bus. i saw the sky, and i just pointed up and said in my heart, Lord, if You're there, show me, coz I cannot feel you anymore. Tears jerked but I controlled them and in I went in for duty. I knew it was going to be a long night, and I had the "worst" duty supervisor I can ever hope for, but i had to do it.
I stone mostly through duty until two of my frens from the rj catholic society talked with me. I just let it all out. all my disappointed and unhappiness and anger. I was so grateful that they were there to listen to me. Honestly, i lost all faith in God right there and then when I was ranting. I issued an ultimatum to Him and said, God, if you're even there, I give You 24 hours to show me where this is going, and how is this part of Your plan? Nothing my two frens said registered with me. and if God did not show me, I would leave the Church.
I took a big gamble. if yall rmb Father Bosko's homily about his call to priesthood, i drew confidence from there that it is definitely in God's ability to do something about it. ok so duty passed slowly and i finally reached church. standing in mass, i refused to say a single thing, in response or in song, i didn't receive communion, because at that time, it really didn't make sense to me to do so. mass ended, walking out i just managed to hold off tears and poof i see LOG!! =) (ok everyone else outside, was with mass with some loggers) things went back to normal as my mind was taken off the issue.
before session started i was downstairs alone and i told God, strengthen me so that i can do the session, and i really hope session was pretty good (mind-boggling :p) after lunch and all i went home and i couldn't hold it anymore. and i reckon i would feel better after letting my tears. so i did and felt a whole lot better after that. the heart wrenching feeling just won't leave. and everytime i looked at the clock, i would think," haha God, there isn't much time for you left!" slept thru till dinner coz was really tired from duty. after dinner i called up my good fren and neighbour, and went downstairs to talk. and praise God for her to be there, she really got me to say everything out and let me see where this is actually going. i confessed all the things that i was thinking about and guess what, it was thru this that God showed where this is all going. although today, i still reserve a bit of skepticism about it, but i feel a whole lot better. i wouldn't put the details down here, ask me how it is and how it all linked!
but one thing i want to really share here is this: forgiveness is the hardest path to walk, yet the shortest to healing. it is very easy to be angry and hateful about getting hurt, but what can you do when the other party does not bother anymore? however you think spiting the other person makes you feel better, you are just going round in circles and wallowing in self pity. forgive and reconcile --> that kind of solves any feeling inside and leaves you free to move on alr! one thing my neighbour told me is, save your pride if there is anything else to save.
keep me in your prayers. i still miss her a lot, but that would disappear soon! =)
mark
Let's take this one step further.
Hey, thought i'd chip in my two cents worth to help revive the log blog too!
Archbishop Fulton Sheen wrote a very inspiring article once called the Decline of Controversy. He said that these days, not many people challenge the existing order; we have become fine with the status quo- the passionate have become tired, the idealistic have become realistic. And we all lose that "fire" we once experienced at that camp, or that prayer service, or that vigil. Is that what is happening here?
When was the last time we reminded a brother or a sister what Jesus would do? Or have we gone beyond that? i think we have grown older. (a little bit different from growing up, as you will see later). We've grown more experienced with the way our church operates, a little bit more familiar with the running of events and administrative duties and we have celebrated a few anniversaries. In those terms, we are old. But have we grown up? Are we more willing to stand in the midst of a crises to hold our faith close to our chest and be persecuted? Do we bring to each other a hope in which those crying can seek solace in our community? Are we becoming more charitable?
What does having a relationship involve? Well, i wont call myself a cynic in this respect, but i would think, it involves a lot of pain actually! Expectations; disappointments; misunderstandings; insensitivities etc. Giving is never easy precisely because of that. It involves abit too much. I would think that is why we wont push community abit more. Because it demands more of me, and with that, i get to be hurt maybe a bit more. So we are planners, but not brothers. We become lovers at arms' length. Not fellow disciples that fall together and hurt together.
A community must go beyond its intellectual pursuits; it must be leavened above being satisfied at "doing church work"; our community must sink its roots and values into the heart of the church; and be grounded in the catholic faith. The previous week's session was about conversion of heart. I did not have the luxury of sitting in for a session with such a powerful theme. But the conversion of heart is what the community should strive towards. Let idealism fuel passion, let each member and brother or sister bring forth a spirit of revival to seeking that which started this community in the first place. And let such revival spearhead the movements of each member's heart this lent. Which brings us to forming ourselves and others.
Formation. Now there is trans-formation, con-formation, re-formation. We are called to true transformation. Now that goes beyong the herd instinct of conformation; it definitely calls for a greater challenge than merely reforming and revisiting that which we have learnt (though that could be necessay at times!). Transformation, is the day to day living of truth. What truth? That life is a gift from God. That this gift is meant to further His glory. That His glory is furthered when we become more like Him. That we can only become like Him with His grace. And that He pours His graces to those who seek Him with a humble heart.
Let us all take this one step further. Let us be community.
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______________________________________________Monday, March 02, 2009
hi loggers!
this blog is dead, but don't worry, i'll put it on my nick so yall will see it and come. I am just here to share about what has happened in my life these few days, and what I've been thru.
As most of yall would know, i announced on sunday my break up with felly. it was a really tough saturday, coz i still had to go for duty right after it. but going away from the place i was talking to her, i was still smiling. I thought i prepared myself pretty well for it. well good enough. as i slowly made my way to camp, i was joking about perhaps I prayed wrongly for it. for the whole of J2, i prayed for someone I could love. and just perhaps, i left out and didn't say "and someone to love me in return." i suppressed it until i alighted from my bus. i saw the sky, and i just pointed up and said in my heart, Lord, if You're there, show me, coz I cannot feel you anymore. Tears jerked but I controlled them and in I went in for duty. I knew it was going to be a long night, and I had the "worst" duty supervisor I can ever hope for, but i had to do it.
I stone mostly through duty until two of my frens from the rj catholic society talked with me. I just let it all out. all my disappointed and unhappiness and anger. I was so grateful that they were there to listen to me. Honestly, i lost all faith in God right there and then when I was ranting. I issued an ultimatum to Him and said, God, if you're even there, I give You 24 hours to show me where this is going, and how is this part of Your plan? Nothing my two frens said registered with me. and if God did not show me, I would leave the Church.
I took a big gamble. if yall rmb Father Bosko's homily about his call to priesthood, i drew confidence from there that it is definitely in God's ability to do something about it. ok so duty passed slowly and i finally reached church. standing in mass, i refused to say a single thing, in response or in song, i didn't receive communion, because at that time, it really didn't make sense to me to do so. mass ended, walking out i just managed to hold off tears and poof i see LOG!! =) (ok everyone else outside, was with mass with some loggers) things went back to normal as my mind was taken off the issue.
before session started i was downstairs alone and i told God, strengthen me so that i can do the session, and i really hope session was pretty good (mind-boggling :p) after lunch and all i went home and i couldn't hold it anymore. and i reckon i would feel better after letting my tears. so i did and felt a whole lot better after that. the heart wrenching feeling just won't leave. and everytime i looked at the clock, i would think," haha God, there isn't much time for you left!" slept thru till dinner coz was really tired from duty. after dinner i called up my good fren and neighbour, and went downstairs to talk. and praise God for her to be there, she really got me to say everything out and let me see where this is actually going. i confessed all the things that i was thinking about and guess what, it was thru this that God showed where this is all going. although today, i still reserve a bit of skepticism about it, but i feel a whole lot better. i wouldn't put the details down here, ask me how it is and how it all linked!
but one thing i want to really share here is this: forgiveness is the hardest path to walk, yet the shortest to healing. it is very easy to be angry and hateful about getting hurt, but what can you do when the other party does not bother anymore? however you think spiting the other person makes you feel better, you are just going round in circles and wallowing in self pity. forgive and reconcile --> that kind of solves any feeling inside and leaves you free to move on alr! one thing my neighbour told me is, save your pride if there is anything else to save.
keep me in your prayers. i still miss her a lot, but that would disappear soon! =)
mark