Leaven of God

Friday, September 24, 2010
Generosity

Hi guys

Here's my sharing for the week.. Decided that I've been too lazy and my faith has stagnated too much recently. So maybe I'll do a weekly post.

This Sunday's gospel speaks about Lazarus and the rich man and the reflection focuses on sharing our gifts and various opportunities to be generous.. It's been one month in Hongkong and to be honest, it's very hard to see God's hand in everyday life. I'm enjoying myself, going for classes, meeting and hanging out with new people, good food, shopping and flat parties… but I've been asking myself the question "What more is there?" the past few days. It's been very difficult to see a real way of being Christian here, a real way for me to exercise my faith, a real way to share of myself and my gifts. There are moments where I feel like I'm just going through life here and I'm still quite lost about my purpose is here in Hongkong.

Before I came, I looked forward to Hongkong as a time to rediscover myself and to start afresh.. In some ways, I have with the new friends I have made. But it feels like a never ending orientation and I find myself craving for the moments of deeper conversation that I used to get back home. Upon reflection, my expectations of Hongkong were probably too self-centered. It was "What can Hongkong do for me?" and I failed to ask or pray about what was God's plan in Hongkong? I'm still searching for concrete opportunities to be generous and to share my gifts.. And I really don't know how to, besides being conscious of my actions and thoughts. All I do now is thank God for the many new different experiences and people, but I still don’t know what his plan is behind all this.

Generosity. Personal sharing. This word has been on my mind for the past three weeks when I went through this really long period of angst and emoness about Daryl.. I wouldn't say I'm out of it but God's grace has definitely allowed me to be keep trying. This word first came to me a few Sundays ago at mass, where my thoughts were too overwhelmed with emotions and anger and God reminded me how I wanted him to be happy when we first broke up.. It's been a really difficult attitude to keep, but I feel like it's the right one. It's like how the reflection says " Do we share less because we feel disgust toward those who need what we can give? Or maybe fear holds us back. Or resentment or unforgiving anger. To be united to God, we cannot live in this state. We have to let love motivate us. Love has no limits; it's always generous." It's exactly what I feel and I know its affecting how much I share/give/love. So I'm trying to hold onto generousity, keep praying for me especially tmr (Saturday's gonna be a tough day to get through), cos I feel like this is gonna be a huge struggle for really long :|

Generosity in patience. I think I need to be a more patient and understanding person.. In the past few weeks, I find myself getting irritated with my mum over skype over her naggings which I know are just signs of her concern. But I can't help being irritated. With people here too… Sometimes I find myself caught in awkward situations - cos the two girls I hang out with arent that that enthu about hanging out with the bigger group, while I am and sometimes it makes me feel so pekchek at how complicated little issues become cos of this difference. So I think I gotta be more patient and accepting of differences and situations.

Okay that's it from me, I hope you guys have a good sharing tonight. Missing you guys.

Love, Jess

[LEAVE A COMMENT]