Thursday, April 28, 2011
Hello guys. Been wanting to post this since Sunday but i didn't really have the time till now! So better get it down before i forget what i want to say.
Hello guys. Been wanting to post this since Sunday but i didn't really have the time till now! So better get it down before i forget what i want to say.
So yes, Holy Week. Who would have thought that my Holy Week this year would culminate with such ground-shaking events, barring our examinations of course, which didn't help the least. First of all, I felt rather disturbed that I actually managed to convince myself to give Easter Vigil mass a miss this year to study (for the record, I've never missed Easter Vigil mass all my life). And while you guys were at mass, I was at home, though not in a state of peace. But then, God had other plans. I received a call from Varian telling me to rush down to church, because Estelle had fainted, thereafter which, led to a series of events. Turns out that it was something spiritual that had caused her condition at that time, and it was only by prayer (and God's grace) that she was granted physical and mental restoration.
I shan't delve into the details of what happened, since I shared with everyone who was in church that night. Truth be told, the events of that Saturday night left a massive and lasting impact on me. I was left rather shaken, and at the end of it, really drained of all my energy.
Then came Easter Sunday, and the praise and worship session in the parish hall. Though the music and worship were not particularly uplifting, that session somehow had an effect on me. I started of with a bit of tearing, slowly evolving to the point when i was on the verge of breaking down entirely. Although I may seem like the kind of person that prefers emotion, if you know me well enough, I am still not the sort that will show any visible sign of breakdown. However, for once, I really couldn't control myself.
Desperation. That was the crux of my inner emotions at that time. The deep sense of desperation for God. Thoughts of past events, especially the events of the previous night, came flashing back in my mind. The thought of having someone you love go through such suffering, but not really being able to do anything about it, hurt me. Was the work of the devil within the big plan of God? Is God trying to show me the importance of needing him, and wanting him? Amidst the joy of his resurrection, the pain of sin and suffering continued to scourge through my heart.
And then, Stephen went up and gave his sharing, about the need for God in our lives. For me, that was confirmation. For where can we claim victory over the evil in our lives but through Jesus Christ alone? Amidst the fear of uncertainty, from whom can we seek solace and direction but through him as well? This whole experience turned out to be this year's Easter renewal for me. My journey in faith had been renewed and restarted, from the well of despair.
Maybe that's what our community lacks as well at the moment, a desperate need for God. Maybe we have been trying too hard, for too long, to solve our problems with our own human strength. How often do we feel the pain of someone we love in this community? How often do we pray desperately, or desire God desperately for each other?
The time of renewal has already come guys. Let's aim to renew our community, by trying to empathise with each other better and fortifying this empathy by seeking grace, through desperate prayer, to God.
Love,
Liver
Labels: the meaning of love.
1 Comments:
praise god :D
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