Hello LOG,

I had my orientation at NYP today. Honestly, I feel like shit or something around there. The culture is really different from Saint Gabriel's and it's really a total new ground. I mean orientation was quite okay, we had water games and it was pretty fun. Today was pretty scary. I was broken up into my class and I mean they are all nice people but they are not people I would totally hang out with but I guess God is challenging me out of my comfort zone again. The culture in Nanyang is different, it' not very (I don't know the right word for this because I feel it's just a change of environment too). I was in a mission school with a Catholic environment for 12 years of my schooling life and suddenly to Poly isn't a very good transition either. Most of the people are not that English orientated either so it's pretty uneasy. It's socially draining to try to make friends and try my best to go out of the way to talk and to be vulnerable too.

Another huge struggle is that as I walked in to NYP's orientation hall and saw a former school mate. His jaw kind of dropped and he told me “You are here? I thought you would have done way better than this! “And I was like "Whoa what a great start to this" in my head. It's not all that easy too that I am in Poly. I guess I never prepared myself that I was going to Poly because I always dreamt of going to CJ and working my ass off but yet having fun. Even now, I struggle in accepting my results although somehow it has God’s grace on it ad I have accepted them to a certain extent, yet it’s so difficult to also accept them fully because I really felt I worked too hard to receive what I did. I don’t understand God fully, I don’t understand this plan of God’s but I know that it’s his will and I told him “let his will be done unto me” so I can’t say anything to that too. I know God's plan is perfect and that he cannot lead me to something bad and yet it's is difficult.

Today we also had a briefing about our course and stuff. I really need to get into University and I really know I have to work hard for it. The lecturer who is in-charge of my class in a way told us about all the academic stuff and he briefed us about our GPA’s. He said if you want to get into Uni your GPA in your 3^rd year needs to be at least 3.75/4 to get into a University and he said you don’t get that GPA just by working hard on the 3^rd year but you got to start now because every semester matters. At first I thought it was the first day scary talk but as I thought about it I realized it’s true. And he even said “It’s not that easy to score such a grade, only 20% at the max get such a grade & I would also have to say that the lecturers are stingy with the grades too btw” and I really got scared. This may sound like I am freaking out and maybe I am to a certain extent but man this just sucks. I really have no idea.

Finally, please pray for me that I will receive God’s grace to accept this new life and everything. I am going for Poly Camp tomorrow held at CAYC and I will only come back on Sunday night which means I miss both bible sharing & session which totally sucks yet I feel that the camp is at the perfect time because again I think God wants’ me to feel all of this now and this right moment because he has got to reveal so much to me in this camp that I have yet to discover about him and he is bringing me deeper where it’s more difficult, where I am going to struggle more but he wants me to just cling on to him and so I am going to try. See you guys soon!

P.S : Sorry that my thought are all over , it comes from a confused point of view