Monday, May 09, 2011
Hi guys! I know I haven't been around much (and it seems like I've not met LOG in a long while :/), so I'm sorry for not being around and keeping in touch as much as I would like to even though exams are over :(
Anyway loads of people have been asking me how Vocation Discernment Retreat was for me (all expecting I'm gonna become a priest, hah.) so here's a post for me to jot down my reflections and so that I won't have to keep repeating myself!
My reason for going for the retreat was a decision made after a very confusing night of ado at CSC, due to the restlessness and questions in my heart. Prior to that I did consider going but reasons such as it being just after the exams and the fact that I just got into a relationship made me swing the other way. I guess God does have a plan for each one of us and I'm really really glad that I made the choice to take that leap of faith, despite all the fear I had within me.
Renewal of my Commitment to Jesus
This was my first take away from the retreat, which was a call for me to realign myself to living a full and meaningful Christian life. School has definitely taken its toll on my spiritual life and I found myself giving excuse after excuse for not maintaining a proper prayer life and for slacking off in many ways. I'm blessed to have been immersed in prayer (divine office, praise and worship, adoration, meditation, mass) during the retreat and that really reminded me of my first call to love Him, and to immerse myself in His presence.
Another important reminder was that of the need to steep oneself in SCRIPTURE (which ironically we call the Word of God but choose to ignore). This was a message that was constantly being emphasised by Fr. Alex, Fr. William and even the Archbishop himself. It is the Word of God that forms us, guides us, challenges us, and encourages us, through the action of the Holy Spirit who uses these words to prompt our hearts. My "back to holiness" regimen consists of meditating on the day's reading and Gospel, and I urge each of you (especially those on holidays) to join me in this journey (:
Reconciliation
Ahh, I had a pretty good confession this time round, and witnessed the power of being really sincere in confessing my sins. I was struggling a lot with fear that I might be called to be His priest, and how that might impact my current relationship with Gwen, and came to a realisation that I may have been suprressing and ignoring God's voice out of this fear. It was through the Sacrament of Reconciliation that I was able to ask for the grace to let go of my own perspective of what I thought was the best for me , and instead embrace what God knows is the best for me
The phrase that describes this experience would be a "liberation to love". It was a liberation to love God, and to avail myself to be open to whatever call He has in store for me. At the same time, it was a liberation to love Gwen more fully, by allowing myself to be honest with her since the question of my vocation is not a question to be answered by myself alone, but by the both of us. I felt so free after confession and I was able to adore the blessed sacrament so much more. If we have been struggling with hearing God's voice and wondering where He is, look no further - an HONEST confession is the key to returning to His heart.
Is there a call?
So that brings me back to the question (which I bet all of you are dying to ask): Am I called to priesthood? Honestly, I do not know. It feels as if this is a proper start of my discernment journey, after the realisation that I have to be honest with myself (and others) if I want to avail myself to God completely. One thing is for sure, and that is that I'm not closing the door towards a priestly vocation anytime soon, till God shows me otherwise. There is much to do now - sorting out the various emotions and feelings within my heart and discerning the source of them, but I am glad that I am able to do this with an open heart and willingness to embrace His plan for me.
One important thing that I realised is that the discernment of our individual vocation should not be our focus and sole concern. What should be preoccupying our minds 24/7 should be the deepening of our intimacy of the Lord. I remember someone asking Fr. William "how do you know if you love God?". His answer struck me as something so simple yet true, "you know you love someone when you desire intimacy". The discovery and acceptance of our vocation is the result of the love we have for the Lord, and should not be the end point or ultimate goal.
Of course, this does not mean we do not think about what God is calling us to be at all, for that would be an avoidance of something so integral to our lives. Br. Sam shared with me that the reason why so many marriages are failing is possibly due to the fact that marriage is not their vocation! Vocation is a way of living, and that way of living corresponds to how best (based on our gifts, charisms etc) we can love God. It is with this that I end this note, and encourage ALL guys to keep an open mind about priesthood as a vocation, and to take that leap of faith and answer His call when you do feel prompted to find out more.
The next Vocation Discernment Retreat is in the first week of August, I won't be able to go since I'll be flying off to Madrid for WYD 2011, but I recommend all you guys to go for it (: And for those attached, please ask for the blessings of your other half before going! :D
Love,
Soo
Hi guys! I know I haven't been around much (and it seems like I've not met LOG in a long while :/), so I'm sorry for not being around and keeping in touch as much as I would like to even though exams are over :(
Anyway loads of people have been asking me how Vocation Discernment Retreat was for me (all expecting I'm gonna become a priest, hah.) so here's a post for me to jot down my reflections and so that I won't have to keep repeating myself!
My reason for going for the retreat was a decision made after a very confusing night of ado at CSC, due to the restlessness and questions in my heart. Prior to that I did consider going but reasons such as it being just after the exams and the fact that I just got into a relationship made me swing the other way. I guess God does have a plan for each one of us and I'm really really glad that I made the choice to take that leap of faith, despite all the fear I had within me.
Renewal of my Commitment to Jesus
This was my first take away from the retreat, which was a call for me to realign myself to living a full and meaningful Christian life. School has definitely taken its toll on my spiritual life and I found myself giving excuse after excuse for not maintaining a proper prayer life and for slacking off in many ways. I'm blessed to have been immersed in prayer (divine office, praise and worship, adoration, meditation, mass) during the retreat and that really reminded me of my first call to love Him, and to immerse myself in His presence.
Another important reminder was that of the need to steep oneself in SCRIPTURE (which ironically we call the Word of God but choose to ignore). This was a message that was constantly being emphasised by Fr. Alex, Fr. William and even the Archbishop himself. It is the Word of God that forms us, guides us, challenges us, and encourages us, through the action of the Holy Spirit who uses these words to prompt our hearts. My "back to holiness" regimen consists of meditating on the day's reading and Gospel, and I urge each of you (especially those on holidays) to join me in this journey (:
Reconciliation
Ahh, I had a pretty good confession this time round, and witnessed the power of being really sincere in confessing my sins. I was struggling a lot with fear that I might be called to be His priest, and how that might impact my current relationship with Gwen, and came to a realisation that I may have been suprressing and ignoring God's voice out of this fear. It was through the Sacrament of Reconciliation that I was able to ask for the grace to let go of my own perspective of what I thought was the best for me , and instead embrace what God knows is the best for me
The phrase that describes this experience would be a "liberation to love". It was a liberation to love God, and to avail myself to be open to whatever call He has in store for me. At the same time, it was a liberation to love Gwen more fully, by allowing myself to be honest with her since the question of my vocation is not a question to be answered by myself alone, but by the both of us. I felt so free after confession and I was able to adore the blessed sacrament so much more. If we have been struggling with hearing God's voice and wondering where He is, look no further - an HONEST confession is the key to returning to His heart.
Is there a call?
So that brings me back to the question (which I bet all of you are dying to ask): Am I called to priesthood? Honestly, I do not know. It feels as if this is a proper start of my discernment journey, after the realisation that I have to be honest with myself (and others) if I want to avail myself to God completely. One thing is for sure, and that is that I'm not closing the door towards a priestly vocation anytime soon, till God shows me otherwise. There is much to do now - sorting out the various emotions and feelings within my heart and discerning the source of them, but I am glad that I am able to do this with an open heart and willingness to embrace His plan for me.
One important thing that I realised is that the discernment of our individual vocation should not be our focus and sole concern. What should be preoccupying our minds 24/7 should be the deepening of our intimacy of the Lord. I remember someone asking Fr. William "how do you know if you love God?". His answer struck me as something so simple yet true, "you know you love someone when you desire intimacy". The discovery and acceptance of our vocation is the result of the love we have for the Lord, and should not be the end point or ultimate goal.
Of course, this does not mean we do not think about what God is calling us to be at all, for that would be an avoidance of something so integral to our lives. Br. Sam shared with me that the reason why so many marriages are failing is possibly due to the fact that marriage is not their vocation! Vocation is a way of living, and that way of living corresponds to how best (based on our gifts, charisms etc) we can love God. It is with this that I end this note, and encourage ALL guys to keep an open mind about priesthood as a vocation, and to take that leap of faith and answer His call when you do feel prompted to find out more.
The next Vocation Discernment Retreat is in the first week of August, I won't be able to go since I'll be flying off to Madrid for WYD 2011, but I recommend all you guys to go for it (: And for those attached, please ask for the blessings of your other half before going! :D
Love,
Soo