Wednesday, June 08, 2011
omg i took forever to pack for camp. hur. so tmr's awaken, and i thot maybe i'll just share smtg here. its been quite long since i attended a camp where i am the participant and not facil or log team or intercessory... not that i ever chionged for church camps like i did for poly camps. anyhow, i dont know if its a good or bad thing, but i have expectations of this camp. i really hope i can be awakened. ive been with log since it was 'born', but somehow i nv felt like i gave back anything significant to the community. when i look at pple like liver, soo, mark tang, jess, i feel so proud of them. and guilty/ashamed at myself. and i often qn why, how come im not doing as much. (realise i didnt even facil this yr's camp) its not like i dont understand that i shld receive and give back. i rmb when log was still young, i was the one who advocated for social work (go out and do stuff) over formation for sessions. and yet, i always find myself not available, not willing to take up sessions or get involved etc. im the kind who will either go all out or not at all. but i also realise community living is a social thing, there are a lot of social factors involved. so maybe its not my time yet? just that day at bible sharing, i listened to cherisse say the opening prayer and i recognised it asimmature premature. i realised i havent verbalised prayer for the longest time and i wondered and actually feared if this gift had degenerated (random: i think jess's gift for verbalising prayer is awesomest in log, its damn melodious). i lifted a prayer for awaken during intercessions and thank god it hadnt. so yea, im not using my gifts wisely. maybe im not using it at all. doesnt help that i am spiritually bipolar. but perhaps after this camp it will be my turn soon...
von.
omg i took forever to pack for camp. hur. so tmr's awaken, and i thot maybe i'll just share smtg here. its been quite long since i attended a camp where i am the participant and not facil or log team or intercessory... not that i ever chionged for church camps like i did for poly camps. anyhow, i dont know if its a good or bad thing, but i have expectations of this camp. i really hope i can be awakened. ive been with log since it was 'born', but somehow i nv felt like i gave back anything significant to the community. when i look at pple like liver, soo, mark tang, jess, i feel so proud of them. and guilty/ashamed at myself. and i often qn why, how come im not doing as much. (realise i didnt even facil this yr's camp) its not like i dont understand that i shld receive and give back. i rmb when log was still young, i was the one who advocated for social work (go out and do stuff) over formation for sessions. and yet, i always find myself not available, not willing to take up sessions or get involved etc. im the kind who will either go all out or not at all. but i also realise community living is a social thing, there are a lot of social factors involved. so maybe its not my time yet? just that day at bible sharing, i listened to cherisse say the opening prayer and i recognised it as
von.